Back in nursing..but never really was in it...

Nurses Recovery

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Hi

I graduated from nursing 20 years ago, when I was starting to have problems with alchohol abuse. I drank at school, even on the job a couple times. I drank to cope, and b/c I had depression problems. I blacked out, and my problems just got worse. Eventually I got sober, but my career has never developed at all, and in fact, I have taken the nursing refresher course twice. (i guess i like torture!) I worked in 'home health' but it was never that stimulating or challenging at all where i live. I was more of an NA.

Now, I'm not old, but not young; 44 and have just completed the refresher again. I'm employed now, 3 mo's at a subacute hospital, and is going pretty good.

However, I notice I seem to lack basic 'work' skills such as attention to things that should be completed, that I 'miss' doing..like a daily dressing, or a chem strip, or I forget to sign things, or I forget even 'what questions to ask'.....or I give Benefibre instead of Metamucil, thinking it's the same thing, or I put a cap on the end of a pt's picc line cap, that defies logic. I just seem a bit 'muddled' at times. Or not very cognizant of details, or a bit wishy washy? I don't know what the word is. I don't want to be this way, I'm just having so much to learn.

I think...all b/c I lost a good 15 years of my life in recovery; in some treatment centers, and women's residences, trying to deal with depression, and learning to live without relying on the drink, to cope.

I have gained immense purpose in my life now, a lot to do with the fact I have a beautiful son, whose 6 yrs old, and a spiritual life with a husband who is also in AA. Together we have a spiritual way of living (for the most part), that has freed me from years of depression, futility, reckless living, blackout drinking weekly, etc, etc.

I just want to know if anyone can shed some light on how I can get 'up to speed' in nursing, and how to get more 'on top of the job'...as I lost so many years, doing nothing. I most days just try to get through the shift, but really I want it to be much more than just 'getting through', or surviving.

I want to be a better nurse this time around.

blessings to all,

pookiesmom

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Specializes in Impaired Nurse Advocate, CRNA, ER,.

pookie,

I wish I had some sort of magic formula that would make all of this happen right now (or at least this week). But isn't that just like an addict/alcoholic? Instant gratification? Shoot, I went into ER nursing to get that instant "fix". Then I went into anesthesia because it was even faster than the ER...push 15 - 20 cc's of pentothal and they're out in about 15 seconds.

The only way to become more "effective, organized, and on top of nursing" is to work at it. Shoot, during anesthesia training I wondered the same thing until one of my instructors and mentors told me if you want to become "top notch" then you have to eat, breath, and dream anesthesia. A Chinese proverb says it well....

Repetition is the mother of perfection

Now don't go jumping on the "perfection" word (because so many of us ended up here because of our perfectionism - I'm just sharing the proverb...:lol2:). The point is this...the only way we ever become "really good" at something is to practice, practice, practice.

There are 4 stages to learning:

  1. Unconscious Incompetence - we don't know we can't do something until we try.
  2. Conscious Incompetence - I tried and didn't accomplish whatever it was I was trying (riding a bike, IV insertions, intubation, epidurals, etc.)
  3. Conscious Competence - If I practice and really work at it, then I can become pretty good
  4. Unconscious Competence - I don't even have to think about it anymore. In fact, if I think about it, it actually slows me down (think about typing, or riding a bike, or driving a stick shift).

You want to jump from step 1 or step 2 to step 4...only the "gifted" folks can actually do that.

I'm going to ask a question that may have occurred to you, or maybe it hasn't. I'm just throwing it out there for you to consider. Are you sure this is the profession for you? I enjoyed being an ER nurse. I LOVED being a nurse anesthetist. I read my journals before I read the sports page (still do even 15 years after leaving the profession). Now I'm an advocate for impaired nurses and a peer advisor for CRNAs/SRNAs and wouldn't trade it for the world.

I also tried all sorts of other jobs after I left anesthesia and nursing in order to stay alive. NOTHING has come close to the advocacy and educational aspects of my business...not even anesthesia. So, maybe the type of nursing you're doing isn't your "bag" (yeah, I'm THAT old!). Have you looked into different types of nursing? What about working in the field of substance abuse/chemical dependency?

Hang in there! Take things one day at a time and be gentle with yourself. Don't compare yourself with colleagues who may have 5, 10, or more years experience. Each day will bring you closer to the "competence" you seek.

One day at a time!

Jack

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Specializes in mostly in the basement.

Hi Pookie--

Hats off to a road well traveled :)

Jack had some great words of wisdom above. Particularly about keeping an eye on that pesky impatience factor. I certainly can't offer much better in that regard.

BUT, I did wanna mention one thing, as it seems quite a bit of both your backstory and now your current struggles at work as you've described them, are also fairly common among folks who exhibit symptoms of Adult ADD. Any chance at some point in your recovery that you've been assessed for this? Truthfully, I used to not hold a tremendous amount of faith that such a disorder even 'really' existed but after a bit more education I know now that I was just ignorant mostly.

Anyway, this might be something you'd wanna look into. There's lots of good help out there in relation to time management/focus/etc. and much of it is useful either with or without the addition of any medication therapy.(many in recovery don't wish to use meds. for fear of substitution issues though there's also a mess of material regarding those who do choose to incorporate pharmaceuticals w/positive outcomes)

Just something to think about---if nothing else, the book "Driven to Distraction" might be worth checking into as a starting point--see if any of it makes sense for you or 'fits'--if nothing else it's actually just a fairly fascinating read all on its own.

Best!

Mab

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Hi Pookie--

Hats off to a road well traveled :)

Jack had some great words of wisdom above. Particularly about keeping an eye on that pesky impatience factor. I certainly can't offer much better in that regard.

BUT, I did wanna mention one thing, as it seems quite a bit of both your backstory and now your current struggles at work as you've described them, are also fairly common among folks who exhibit symptoms of Adult ADD. Any chance at some point in your recovery that you've been assessed for this? Truthfully, I used to not hold a tremendous amount of faith that such a disorder even 'really' existed but after a bit more education I know now that I was just ignorant mostly.

Anyway, this might be something you'd wanna look into. There's lots of good help out there in relation to time management/focus/etc. and much of it is useful either with or without the addition of any medication therapy.(many in recovery don't wish to use meds. for fear of substitution issues though there's also a mess of material regarding those who do choose to incorporate pharmaceuticals w/positive outcomes)

Just something to think about---if nothing else, the book "Driven to Distraction" might be worth checking into as a starting point--see if any of it makes sense for you or 'fits'--if nothing else it's actually just a fairly fascinating read all on its own.

Best!

Mab

yes! check that out......i was thinking along more dire lines.....but do check this out!...along with Jack's ideas...make sure your sleep is adequate and of good quality....check with endo on hormones, esp. thyroid and repro......good luck

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Thanks to you all for such great feedback. I will check those ideas out!

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