Amends....12 Step Progtam

[willow14]

I'm almost 3 years years into my 5 year monitoring program. I've been clean & sober since March 2014, which is when I was terminated from my job, lost the respect of many of my friends & family. It was a devastating experience but also a very humbling one. Like many of us, getting caught diverting saved my life and my career....even though I didn't realize it at the time.

Through the grace of my higher power I have slowly been able to live a clean and sober life. I did this by getting involved involved in AA (NA isn't very strong in my community), where I met people who understood me and taught me HOW to live a life in recovery. I know I am very blessed!

I have a sponsor & have sponsored other women. I know how important making amends are but am struggling to finish my last one....and it all comes down to fear, which I have learned is not a good reason to avoid it. So here's a brief synopsis of the event that my amend is for: I was working in a small hospital when I was in the throws of my addiction. I was SO SICK...I diverted, as I mentioned earlier, but my disease led me to access charts of people I was not taking care of--in hopes if finding a way to get to narcotics....and I truly hate to admit that. I look back and still can't believe THAT WAS ME over 3 years ago.

One of the charts was of a woman who was kind of a friend if mine. She was the wife of one of my husband's friends. I looked her up because she posted on Facebook that she was having some medical procedure, and my sick mind somehow thought I could somehow get 'something' (well, you know what I mean). I will add that I DID NOT get anything and that is the absolute truth. I looked at her summary and med list...That was it.

She wasn't the only one, there were also family members....whom were all notified my mail that someone had accessed their medical records. (I have made amends to my family ). However, when this letter went out to this lady, she was VERY angry & furious....and I don't blame her. She chose to find out from the hospital WHO accessed her records, found out it was me and then sh** hit the fan. Now, I will add, we weren't the best of friends, we really only got along because our husbands were good friends. Once she found out it was me, she posted that information on Facebook (the second letter informing her about who it was). There it was...all for my friends and family to see. I will add that she got the letter 5 months after I was terminated. I accessed her info in either Jan or Feb, was terminated in March and she found out the details in August.

Needless to say, I was mortified....numb--didn't know what to do. I immediately deactivated my Facebook account. My husband (who was and is still very supportive of my recovery) did have some choice words with her & her husband about her dragging this out for everyone to see on social media but eventually it calmed down. She threatened to file a hippa complaint against me & I have no doubt in my mind that she didn't try. She bragged about that for months to many ofour mutual friends. Although, I never heard anything from any agencies about it. It's now been over 3 years since the incident so I would think that I would have heard something by now, right?

Anyhow, as I mentioned earlier, I need to make this amend....I think I am ready. However, a part of me is scared that she will start something. My husband is worried that she might try to re file that complaint against me so he wants me to wait. But 12 step programs state otherwise. Making amends is about the other person, NOT us

It is about cleaning up our side of the street so we can live happy, joyous and free. And there's been get-togethers we have avoided due to the possibility of running into her or her husband - -I don't want to do that anymore

I apologize for this being so long and appreciate advice from others who have struggled with difficult amends. Should I hold off? Would I be causing more damage or should I move forward with the amend of admitting the wrong I have done?

Thank you for your time and please no harsh comments....I have beaten myself up enough about the shame & guilt of my past.

[Davey Do]

Willow14, you have obviously worked very hard at your recovery- something which is to be respected. Making an amends is a part of the healing process in order for us to grow spiritually.

In the making amends process, we are to admit our wrongdoings to ourselves, God as we understand Him, and to another person. Step Nine says: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

We cannot force our beliefs on others- they are free to perceive our actions as they understand them in any way that they feel comfortable and respond in any way they desire. We can only offer amends. We cannot force it upon them. It is their right to reject our attempt at making an amends.

We merely need to continue to practice the principles of the 12 step program in all our affairs.

"Remember to live and let live. The best we can do is forgive."

The very best to you, Willow14.