Already Frustrated and Overwhelmed Already Frustrated and Overwhelmed | allnurses

Already Frustrated and Overwhelmed

  1. 0 I self-reported to ISNAP(Indiana State Nurses Assistance Program) on Jan. 26 2010. I have had a drinking problem for the last three years that has been limited to drinking up to 2 days/ week on my days off ( I have 4 days off per week). I have never driven after drinking and have never worked impaired. Never have had so much a s a parking ticket in my life. I drank alone at home. I have never drank within 24 hrs of a shift. Never the less I felt that it is a problem and wanted to seek help. I really wanted to seek help on my own but figured I would have to be reported to the BON once I was found to be a nurse...so I went ahead and contacted ISNAP.

    I was evaluated by a substance abuse counselor who felt that I was a "problem drinker" and he didn't feel like I was yet into an addiction....at least that is what he told me. Apparently I am alcohol dependent.

    ISNAP called me yesterday to let me know the terms of my RMA: Monitoring for 3 YEARS! AA meetings 3/week with a sponser, UDS 20/year at $80/test, I have to see an addictionist quarterly, worksite monitor( had already notified my boss when I called ISNAP on 1/26), continued counseling at $100/week.

    My only solace is that I have a license that is completely intact and still have a good job and a supportive husband.

    I know that I have it pretty good and I don't mean to sound like a whiner...I just needed to vent as I feel that this is going to be such a huge undertaking and I am so afraid that if I forget to call in one day or can't get to a meeting that I will end up losing my nursing license. I really feel like I went about this the wrong way and now I'm stuck. I honestly can say that I would never put a patient in harms way or anyone else for that matter.

    Just overwhelmed right now....any words of wisdom?

    Thanks.
  2. 17 Comments

  3. Visit  lifeistweet profile page
    1
    RN4HUGS, One day at a time and things will get better. We've all been there. It will get easier, I promise. It definately is 3 long years, but at least you have your license. It's really difficult paying for all those services when you aren't even working! Make staying clean and sober your number one priority no matter what happens. There will be many pitfalls that will threaten your sobriety. It's crazy how the BON gives 3 year contracts to almost all nurses. The doc's in our group only get one year contracts. Sometimes it sucks having a license to protect but on the other hand I still love nursing and will be grateful and humbled when I am able to work again as an RN!Step by step, try not to stress out too much. (I still do at times ) ODAAT :redpinkhe
    LovebugLPN likes this.
  4. Visit  lifeistweet profile page
    0
    FYI, Keep very good records of everything you do. Every phone call and piece of paper you mail in to the program needs to be copied and saved. Michigan loses paperwork left and right and when they do it's not their problem. I have a file on my computer that I scan all documents into. I use my cell phone to call in daily so I have a record of my call ins. I put their number on my fam and friends list. Get everything in writing that is said to you over the phone. In the end it will all work out and you'll be the better person for it. Good luck and you can PM me anytime.
  5. Visit  sissiesmama profile page
    0
    DEFINETLY save copies. Louisiana is famous for "losing things." I had 3 yrs on my contract, and it did suck, excuse my language. Expensive too, but it was worth it in the long run. Good luck!

    Anne, RNC
  6. Visit  subee profile page
    0
    Not all alternative programs for nursing even have to report to the BON. Are you sure BON knows of your enrollment in program. On some level, you must have been frightened of your drinking behavior or you wouldn't have "turned yourself in"to any agency but simply have shown up at AA. I'm not sure you did the BEST thing but I congratulate you on your insight and desire to either control or cease your drinking. You might have to pick at a few emotional scabs and it may be difficult in the beginning but it'll be worth the ride.
  7. Visit  RN4HUGS profile page
    0
    Thank you all for your replies!

    Subee,

    Since I self reported to ISNAP the BON will not know anything about it as long as I remain compliant with my RMA which will be 3 years long. When I posted above about the 3 yrs RMA I was just blow away at the length of time that I would have to be in the program since the ISNAP intake person made it sound like I would only need 1 year given the info I gave her on the phone. Anyway, it is what it is. I definitely felt that I was losing control over my drinking and didn't know which way to turn. My RMA should be coming in the mail any day now. I've been seeing a substance abuse counselor weekly and have been to a few AA meetings. I know I can get through this. It will just be a long haul.

    Thanks a bunch.
  8. Visit  subee profile page
    0
    Quote from RN4HUGS
    Thank you all for your replies!

    Subee,

    Since I self reported to ISNAP the BON will not know anything about it as long as I remain compliant with my RMA which will be 3 years long. When I posted above about the 3 yrs RMA I was just blow away at the length of time that I would have to be in the program since the ISNAP intake person made it sound like I would only need 1 year given the info I gave her on the phone. Anyway, it is what it is. I definitely felt that I was losing control over my drinking and didn't know which way to turn. My RMA should be coming in the mail any day now. I've been seeing a substance abuse counselor weekly and have been to a few AA meetings. I know I can get through this. It will just be a long haul.

    Thanks a bunch.
    Please enlighten RMA - initials for what? I looked over your first post again and was stunned that they would require you to see a counselor at $`100 per pop. Maybe for an initial evaluation and occasional follow-up but how long do they expect to you pay this charge weekly? Does Indiana offer their own peer assistance support groups? I gather that you're still working full-time and I get it about paying for your own urine testing but $100/week for counseling seems prohibitively expensive for most when its easy enough to require frequent AA and peer assistance meetings which are free and attendance can still be monitored. This isn't a problem that is going to go away in a year. Three years doesn't strike me as unreasonable and isn't long enough for nurses with more complex addictions.
  9. Visit  RN4HUGS profile page
    0
    RMA= Recovery Monitoring Agreement. I will see this counselor weekly for 12 weeks then bi-monthly for a few months then monthly. There is a nurse recovery meeting about an hour from my home that meets weekly. I am required to attend that meeting weekly. I'm starting to feel better about all of this. I was just stunned when I first got the news. I just have to put my recovery first and foremost.

    Thanks!
  10. Visit  louisianalady profile page
    1
    I am an Rn having to go through Louisiana Board right now. They want 5 day evaluation from board approved facility at the tune of 2800.00 I already have gone thru 36 day inpatient 3months at a halfway house aa/na 90 meetings in 90 days and then some. Served 3 years probation sucessfully and was pardoned 1st offenders pardon Just sent in fingerprints for FBI check. How much more??? Really overwhelmed. Oh and I live in OHIO because I have to live with my daughter. I make min wage I feel I have come so fr been clean 18 months. Only to get kicked in the teeth. Very discouraged Please Help anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    sissiesmama likes this.
  11. Visit  sissiesmama profile page
    0
    Quote from louisianalady
    I am an Rn having to go through Louisiana Board right now. They want 5 day evaluation from board approved facility at the tune of 2800.00 I already have gone thru 36 day inpatient 3months at a halfway house aa/na 90 meetings in 90 days and then some. Served 3 years probation sucessfully and was pardoned 1st offenders pardon Just sent in fingerprints for FBI check. How much more??? Really overwhelmed. Oh and I live in OHIO because I have to live with my daughter. I make min wage I feel I have come so fr been clean 18 months. Only to get kicked in the teeth. Very discouraged Please Help anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Hey La Lady! Great to meet another nurse from La going through the program! My name is Anne and yes, I'm an addict. Feel free to pm me at any time to talk or ask questions about anything. Be glad to help.

    I am from Noth La. and entered the RNP on Sept 15th, 1999. I got 3 yrs, and thankfully finished w/out any screwups on my part or theirs. It's bedtime, but I will post more later. As I said, feel free to PM me anytime.

    Anne, RNC

    Congrats and good luck! I'm rooting for u!!!
  12. Visit  louisianalady profile page
    1
    Hi Anne i would love to talk to you. Iam going crazy with worry I too am really tired right noe working third shift as a cashier and is kicking my butt I think the shame is the biggest thing on me right now. Will write more when I wake up.Friend in LA
    sissiesmama likes this.
  13. Visit  DirtyBlackSocks profile page
    0
    You should be commended for turning yourself in and realizing the problem before letting it affect your life in a more negative manner.

    So for that alone, you are a strong and intelligent person.

    I know of plenty of people who drink more than two days out of the week and think they have no problems whatsoever.

    Whenever you are frustrated, just keep in mind why you self reported in the first place. It is for yourself, and to get a better lifestyle.

    If cleaning up were an easy process, everyone would be doing it. Stick to your guns and always remember that strong person who saw the problems early and self reported. You are your own pillar of strength.

    Good luck, it sounds like you will do fine.
  14. Visit  jackstem profile page
    2
    Quote from RN4HUGS

    My only solace is that I have a license that is completely intact and still have a good job and a supportive husband.

    I honestly can say that I would never put a patient in harms way or anyone else for that matter.

    Just overwhelmed right now....any words of wisdom?

    Thanks.
    You are correct, you do have some significant blessings in your life. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get through this. It's normal to feel fear about the unknown, especially when it can have a huge detrimental impact on our lives. There are many, many people who have been where you are. Some used alcohol, others have used a variety of mood altering substances. This disease is progressive. Without help, the addict's disease will progress. The rapidity of progression is determined by your particular genetic allele and the substance you abuse. With alcohol it can take 15 - 20 years before you reach the level of deterioration that I reached in 5 - 6 months. My drugs of "choice" were fentanyl and sufentanil. The average rate of decline with those meds are 3 - 6 months. The bottom line is that without a solid program for remaining in recovery, your disease will advance, and at some point, you will put patients and others at risk. Not because you choose to, but because the disease eventually takes away your ability to control your use.

    I never thought I would become addicted to anything. I only became drunk twice in my life. Hated the feeling. Never tried marijuana in any form. Have never tried cocaine or any other illegal substance. Never had more than a traffic violation. I hated the addicts that would show up in the ER where I worked as an RN. Never did I realize I would become dependent on opioids. Chronic pain eventually became bad enough that I was using pain medication more frequently. Eventually I had a spinal fusion, but not before my addiction was triggered. Within 5 short months, I almost committed suicide (it was the only course that made sense in my messed up brain) and was diverting and using several times a day everyday. I never thought I would ever put a patient, family member or strangers in danger...yet as my disease progressed, that's exactly what I did!

    It took you courage to do what you did. And while you're having second thoughts, I'm proud of the guts you displayed. Do what ISNAP recommends. Focus on your recovery. Learn as much about the disease as you can. Learn as much about relapse as possible and develop a plan to deal with that very real possibility. This disease has nothing to do with willpower or "strong moral character". It has everything to do with a chronic, progressive, ultimately fatal if untreated disease.

    Feel free to PM anytime.

    Jack
    lifeistweet and traumaRUs like this.

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