I have seen a couple posts titled similarly to mine, have even asked the same question in the title on a different thread. But this post is meant to be a little more fine tuned and specific (scroll down to the last paragraph if you don't care to see where I am coming from with my questions).
I just got accepted into NP school, but I am scared I will still not find the happiness I am looking for... I know it is probably my specialty and my current work environment giving me these feelings of hopelessness, but I need some reassurance that I am making the right choice.
I started off working in a large, level one regional trauma center. The drive was too erroneous, so I left to work 15 minutes away from my home at a rural, critical access ER. People like to think I work at a "bandaid station." But they could not be anymore wrong. I still see all the same things I saw when I worked at the big level one trauma center. Actually, when it comes to ratio, I see even more sick people at the ER I work at now, compared to the ER I previously worked at where people using the ER as primary care completely diluted the place. Right now, my work environment is experiencing a pretty big hiccup, and I am really starting to hate coming to work (where previously, I was pretty neutral about it, not happy, but didn't dread it either). One of our other nurses has come under investigation for a sexual harassment claim. He was suspended all last week and my "little ER" was hit hard with traumas, people on the brink of death, and seemingly everything in between. It was me and an orientee who had to carry all the weight, and now I have been told this RN has flat out quit (which, I can't blame him to be honest). So it will be me riding solo a lot until they find someone to take his place. I know that anywhere I work, hiccups WILL happen, negative staffing changes are nearly inevitable, and this job will never be easy... But I can't help but feel stressed out and burnt out.
These past couple of weeks I have wondered if healthcare is even really for me. I don't want to be miserable. I want to be happy to come to work. I enjoy educating patients, I enjoy solving complicated work ups and collaborating to find a solution, and most of all, I love the reward of saving a life and seeing patients glow when I can relieve them of their anxiety, pain, and other ailments. Frankly, I am tired of the long hours, the weekends, the small hospital politics, always being blamed because I am the nurse, and the exhaustion I feel on my days off.
Am I dreaming if I think as an NP I will be able to find a Monday - Friday, 9-5 with no weekends or holidays? (I know the job market is hard right now, but I will literally move anywhere after I graduate to get a job because I want out of the craptastic state I live in) Am I being unrealistic thinking I might experience less anxiety and chaos as a FNP in lets say, a family practice clinic? Let me know your thoughts and words of advice. Thanks for reading.