How to deal with Manager humiliating me - twice now!

[pussycat66]

some advice please, hope this wont be too long winded & you wont lose interest; here goes;

last year i sent an email to my colleagues about an incident on my late shift. i was nurse in charge & a particular poorly patient had missed her lunch time meds, they were left in a poy on her table & her daughter had found a couple on the floor under her bed. i apologised profusely ( even though i only started shift at 14.30) & the situation was settled (document,document,document). then at turn time i noted that the lady's nightie was stained with lunch (lightly soiled with jelly) & had not been changed. as my colleague & i were on our way around to do all the turns (12 out of 18 patients) we started at the beginning & decided to get to the lady ( 8th on the list) do a full wash & change, tidy her room & make her all nice & comfy/spick n span.

however, daugther arrives again only to get to her & notice the stained nightie. i apologised again and explained that we were aware & would be with her asap to change her & make her comfy. she was not happy with this.she said that it was the 2nd time she had noted poor practice that day & would complain to my manager. i apologised again, spent 20 minutes listening to her concerns & promised that it wouldnot happen again. i understood her feelings of anger & especially as she had obviously not had her lunch time meds which included abx for a chest infection. i said i would inform the staff (at her request) and promised again that it would not happen again.

i emailed my colleagues with a short version of events & also that the daughter had threatened to complain.

a week later, we had a ward meeting. on the agenda was "emails". i asked my dep ward manager what this was about & she said " you'll see". 3 colleagues & the then ward manager were there aswell.

we moved into the room we have meetings in and the mood was light-hearted & approx 10 other colleagues. at the top of the agenda was inf control....... then out of the blue she said my name, so all eyes on me. she said the email i had sent was offensive.that she wanted it out in the open that some people had been ******** about me regarding it. she asked who i thought i was & that it's not my job to email /inform people of any potential complaints, that was her job.

the ward manager was there & stayed schtum throughout. i apologised for offending people & felt as it was the weekend i had to let people know as managers weren't around. i then started to cry as i felt humiliated & left the room. i was upset as she had humiliated me infront of all of my colleagues when she could have taken me to one side and discreetly told me what was going on & what i had done wrong. especially as i had asked her prior to the meeting.

i let this go as i am not assertive. no=one spoke up for me (until later in private) & also my manager never said a word about it, even though i was still sobbing in handover:crying2:. the dep ward manager was visibly shocked that i was so upset & rushed to apologise and try to hug me. she then said its done now get over it.

two weeks ago, the same dep ward manager ( now ward manager) humiliated me again infront of colleagues, consultants & students at an audit meeting where she was asked , at 10 mins notice, to present on an audit that had been muddled together a few months earlier. long story even longer - 3 out of 12 audit forms had been completed & she had an hour to hand them into matron. as i wasn't too busy she said to me " just fill them in" so i did (yeah stupid!). now we were seeing before our eyes the results of the muddled together audit &docs were asking questions. who got the blame? yes me! she kept turning around & saying well ********* should be doing this presentation as she did the audit. i managed to save both our ***** by saying the audit was poorly constructed & confusing & therefore as we could all see numbers didn't quite add up due to this ( :jester:i joked about lies, damn lies & statistics! ), and my answer was to redo the audit in a more appropriate way which reflected how we undertake the process in question (transfer pt from our unit....). knowing me & luckily already having a good rapport with the docs helped & they let it go. phew! but she humiliated me again & yes i let it go again! but i'm angry/upset, why is she trying to put me down? does she want me to go? was i so wrong? if so i will accept constructive criticism, but is she being unfair or do i have to shut up & put up? i will appreciate any input here, thank you in advance

ps i appreciate that some of you will suggest it is probably time for me to go but i am in my dream speciality with 5yrs experience here & have 2 potential opportunities for promotion coming up in 12-18 months. i am ambitious,determined & thick skinned, especially after the first experience (also on anti depressants)

[snoopy29]

The biggest piece of advice I would offer is to keep an eye on the bigger picture. You have your dream job, lots of experience and the chance of promotion in the future. With this in mind my temptation would be to manage and damage limit your ward manager rather than take on active challenge. She is new in post herself and appears to have lots to prove.

The first situation she caught you off guard but in the second you turned it around beautifully and came out of it demontrating professionalism and initiative.

Use the knowledge you have gathered and the many skills you possess. You know she is prepared to stab you in the back and always keep a watchful eye on this and don't allow yourself to be set up. I know if you continue to deal with situations calmly professionally and with the patients and departments best interest at heart then that will stand yourself in good stead for the future, and you will come out of it with your integrity and self worth intact.

I would say there is a line and if she starts behaviour that is bullying or threatening your professional development then you may have to re-consider but at the moment my advice would be to be very aware of what she is doing, you know what is going on and so does she, and do not make yourself vulnerable.

She is just one person and sometimes the energy used to take someone like her on in direct challenge is not worth the outcome particularly when you have lots of positives in your role.

Good luck with "operation ward manager" and every credit to you as I don't think many people could have turned the second situation around as beautifully as you did. I can guarantee people left thinking positive things about you, and her day will come.

[pussycat66]

Thank you so much for your constructive & really helpful advice. I agree with you and I will keep a watchful eye on whats going on. I work with some very clever people, unfortunatly that is not matched by their intelligence & awareness.

I am determined to do what I think is right, both for me & my patients. Your comments have given me confidence, much love :redpinkhe