Why Do People Bully Me? - page 6

Unfortunately, bullying is an unpleasant fact of working life for far too many employees in our society. And surveys have discovered that the two workplaces that suffer the most from bullying bosses... Read More

  1. by   jadavio
    The person I see bulling is a superior, any ideas on how to deal with that one?? No human resource dept.
  2. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from jadavio
    The person I see bulling is a superior, any ideas on how to deal with that one?? No human resource dept.
    This is a tough situation.

    You can either play the game by stroking the supervisor's ego, or you can find another place of employment. If you and your coworkers come together in cohesive unison, you all can take your concerns to management since strength comes in numbers.
  3. by   pinkiepieRN
    directly confront the offender. Many bullies are cowards who will move on if given a piece of their own medicine. If they yell at you, yell back at them. If they become aggressive, throw some aggression back into their face. However, this strategy works only when the bully has just met you and begins to test your limits on how much abuse you'll tolerate, so let them know you won't put up with it. Remember that your first few interactions with a bully determine how he'll treat you in the future. Confrontation often fails when the bully has been messing with you for months or years because the stage has already been set.
    I really like this. Sometimes I'm too self-conscious to do it, but it does work in the right situations. Often, a bully might think they're better than you and if you can show them that you're not going to take that kind of attitude, they'll back off and find a different target.
  4. by   sallber
    I had a "preceptor" as a new grad on a tele floor who would yell at me down the hall in front of patients, nurses, doctors, and belittle me whenever she had the chance. Her and her little friends would tell jokes with me as the butt of them on a regular basis. As a new grad, I was not at all confident in my skills, so I let it go on for a few days.

    Then I got angry.

    I stood up to each and every one of those nurses in my own way. I would confidently give my report of my patients, respond to any question they had with gumption. I went to my manager to inform her that I wanted a new preceptor. I also eventually went to human resources on one of the bullies, and stood there with my manager as the HR person and my manager rebuked her and her behavior in front of me.

    I never had any other problems with any of those girls, and they eventually got other jobs and moved on. My point in all this is that BULLIES NEED TO BE CONFRONTED, by administration, by bystanders, by victims, by other nurses who see it and walk the other way. They need to be told that their behavior is not acceptable, will not be tolerated, and that they will suffer the consequences if their behavior does not stop. Period.

    And another thing is this. Bullies would not be able to create their path of destruction if they didn't have others who saw their behavior and did nothing about it. Enabling bullies by remaining silent and walking away while they do it to others makes one just as guilty, imho.

    Instead of victims of bullies leaving their jobs, I think bullies need to be forced out. They need to know that no one is afraid of them, and that if they are not careful, they will be dealt with by administration, risk being humiliated and shamed, and will lose their jobs. Creating a hostile work environment by others should never, ever be ignored or tolerated.
  5. by   Emily Spell
    My first semester of nursing school I was so excited to be there. Right off the bat one of my instructors singled me out and called me a "little miss smarty pants." She humiliated me many times over. I politely addressed it with her....bad idea. Since then I have struggled over and over with being disrespected. I am older than even my instructors. I constantly am humiliated by students. It's like it is ok for everyone to degrade me and roll their eyes. When I raise my hands, the teachers talk to everyone but me. When I start to say something, people just walk off or start talking to each other. This has made me depressed in ways you can imagine. I am nervous and sometimes feel like I can't get through another day of it. We have 12 more weeks of nursing school left and I am quite, don't say a lot and am so disillusioned already with nursing I can't even tell you. I feel isolated in ways you could not imagine. I don't even know if they are going to pass me to preceptorship to be honest. It is not that I don't know my stuff, it's just the whole experience has weighed me down...I have the highest consistent grades (keep that to myself), but I dread every day and am tired of them coming to me one on one to show them a skill or drill me before a test and then in the next breath they mock me. My teachers started it....they keep it rolling. I hate nursing school and wonder if I made a bad choice for a second career.
    Last edit by Emily Spell on Feb 8, '14
  6. by   kath7880
    I had the same experience. I was a LTC LPN for 15 years before I went on early retirement to raise 3 children. After my youngest graduated it was time for a little "me" time. So I went back to school got my ADN. After graduating I began work at another LTC on 11-7. The nurse orientating me was an LPN who had been there 7 years. From day one she criticized my every move. It turned me into a nervous wreck I no longer have any confidence in my abilities as a nurse and walked out after a month. My mistake was I did not go to the DON with this, but I figured it would not do any good as they were both very good friends. So now here I am working on getting my confidence back.
  7. by   empatheticRN
    Quote from Mully
    I LOVE your advice. It couldn't be truer and it comes from observing people.

    The worst thing someone being bullied can do is to try to make peace with the bully. It's impossible. And it's sad because that's usually exactly what the victim wants is peace. The best thing is to give it right back to them. Even if it's your boss or your boss's boss. It doesn't matter.

    Homie don't play dat!

    Where I work we've got a couple nurses on day shift that give us night shifters the hardest time during morning report. It doesn't matter how lined up you have your stuff, they will ALWAYS find like 5 things to point out that you did wrong or to question you on. It used to bother me when I would go home because it would make me think I actually did somethings wrong or poorly, which wasn't true. Now I just say screw 'em!

    Nursing will toughen you up that's for sure.
    I agree
  8. by   Jmarty31
    Was recently bullied from a job because I did everything the way I was told to. They lied about me and constantly made me feel awful.
  9. by   dalemor
    I just left a position with several bullies. I think that it is important to look at the culture of the organization because if it is tolerated or ignored or not even recognized that some employees regularly bully others, then it will not stop. In my organization, it is almost impossible to keep nurses so the bullies are not confronted by management. Does this make sense long term? Um, no, but I'm not management and I was sick of the negativity. Don't blame the victim!!! Sure there are reasons that I was attacked but that doesn't mean that I deserved it. Though a few coworkers can make a work environment miserable, I focused on my patients and learning as much as I could. My direct coworkers liked me because they knew they could count on me not only to do my work and not leave messes for them to clean up but also because I was willing to help them when I could. So now I am going from RN staff to RN Supervisor in my new position. I plan to keep an eye out for bullying behavior because I don't like to see an organization lose good nurses because a few need to get a life!