Passive Aggressive males

[zaggar]

OK guys, tons of threads emerge pointing out women who are gossipers and backbiters. And, of course, people go back and forth on whether this is real or imagined, and how it can be found in both sexes.

But what do males do when they are jerks?

In my experience (21 years in the military, nursing school student now) male jerks almost always go the route of the passive-aggressive. They never confront you directly, but they do lots of "lazy" things that set you up for failure. Classic example would be when someone says they will do something for you before the shift is up, and then at the end of the shift they can't be found and you're stuck with the consequences.

I've met some males that are backstabbers, but in reality, backstabbing as a primary jerk-activity is relatively rare. I've also experienced a small number of Napoleon alpha-males, but those guys are pretty rare too. I see far more passive aggressive male jerks than any other jerks.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I'm a charge nurse and am currently working with an new grad that wants to be an alpha male. He says things like "I'm so completely aware of everything that I could do your job." The other day when I was making rounds and interacting with one of our docs I turned around and he was just staring and observing, maybe learning but he had the look like he could was going to pounce and eat me. :)

I've had the unfortunate experience, especially when working nights of working with lazy know-it-all males. I hate to stereotype my own gender but many of males don't like to be taught or told they are doing something wrong. It's usually a "I know that....." or when you ask "do you have any questions......." they take it as an insult.

On the flipside, so as not to generalize I work with three males on my shift and they are awesome, they are the primary preceptors for the unit and work their butts off and don't mind being told when they are wrong about something and I couldn't function on the unit without them. The patients love them. No passive agressive with them at all.

[RNDave]

I'm a charge nurse and am currently working with an new grad that wants to be an alpha male. He says things like "I'm so completely aware of everything that I could do your job."

:roll Overconfidence is inversely proportional to relevant experience.

Dave

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

:roll Overconfidence is inversely proportional to relevant experience.

Dave

Exactly. And frankly, he can have my job. I'd go back to the floor in a minute if my manager wouldn't go ballastic.

But he'll have his day one day, he has said "I'd like to be the boss". Every nurse I've oriented to charge has said the same thing "I never had a clue how hard it was..........". DUH.

[santhony44, MSN, RN, NP]

:roll Overconfidence is inversely proportional to relevant experience.

Dave

Unfortunately, it can be dangerous, too. People like that worry me.

Thinking back over the various males who were nurses that I've worked with over the years, I've run into that very little. Most of them have been great to work with and great with the patients, as well.

I've seen an overconfident female or two in my time, as well.

[nursemike, ASN, RN]

I worked one weekend in our stepdown unit with two other guys and it was awesome! Distinctly different vibe--although I have no complaints about my female colleagues and love working with them, too. Of course, our little stepdown sub-unit is sort of a treat, anyway. Three pts, max, instead of 5-6, and while they are typically sicker, a lot of floor-status pts are pretty high acuity. A very stable stroke patient can run you ragged. A recovering pneumothorax might be more at risk, but might not be on the call button q5min. Best of all--less charting. Well, you might write more notes, but still, on fewer charts.

Anyway, most of the guys (and gals) I've worked with have been agreeable. On our "guys nights," we joked about passing all of our meds by 2300 and slipping out for a couple of beers, but it isn't like the women I work with would be less supporting of that concept, or less likely to actually do it. Thinking back, I think the biggest difference was that any conversation not directly related to the job had almost nothing to do with the job. That is, you might still ask whether a co-worker had any extra Zofran, or could you add some volume to my MIVF until I can put up a new bag, but if it wasn't that, it was home improvements, or sports, or how hot the new aide was. Topics like our NMs dementia or why doctors don't answer pages didn't come up.

Mind you, I don't object to a little shop talk, or even a little non-malicious gossip. I've learned a lot of good nursing practice from some of the extraneous comments that go with face-to-face report. In fact, I'd say I spend time on these boards as a way of getting more of that sort of thing. Still, I thought working in our own little hole, away from some of the occassional drama, was kinda refreshing.

[catlynLPN]

We have a male in our unit. He and I have had our conflicts, but we seem to be getting along okay now.

When he first started there he set me up with the supervisor and tried to get me in trouble. And the supervisor fell for it.

Well, things did improve between myself and the male nurse, but then he started giving the supervisor a hard time and has ever since, for about 4-5 years. Nothing but hell for her. I can't say that she didn't deserve it, because she's always giving people a hard time herself.

The place I work is just full of backstabbers, gossipers, and azzkissers. I will be so glad when my time comes to leave there.

It is disgusting the way people get treated.

[GenXnurse]

Great quote Dave.

My thoughts: As a profession we have failed to provide mentoring in the communication arena. Male or Female there are certainly a large proportion of RN's that are passive agressive. It seems that we should focus on getting Nurses trained in actual tenants of leadership (which includes effective communication) This would greatly serve the profession as a whole. IMHO

[banditrn]

I've generally always enjoyed working with the guys - and at the last hospital unit I worked, the one guy there would actually LISTEN when you said something to him and wanted to learn.

The only problem I ever had with him was at the very beginning - he asked me to take one of his female patients to the bathroom. I told him I'd be happy to, if he would then take all my MALE patients.:)

I told him that he was a professional and it was time to start behaving like one, and we never had any more of that.