Telling a friend the truth or not to help her get employment

[grinnurse, RN]

I have a friend who is also a classmate that is having a hard time getting 2nd interviews. The other night she asked me what I thought the problem was. Of course I used the standard answer of "I don't know". She is a really nice person but she is very shy and intimidates easily.

Background:

She really had a rotten childhood. She was more or less given away at the age of 12 to a man who was 21 at the time by her parents, who was very domineering over her. She gave birth at 14. Forward: About 6 years ago, she and her son hook up with another guy (to whom she is married now) and now has two more sons with him. Well, the first child got taken away from her b/c her current husband supposedly was abusing him. The current husband is also domineering and demanding and she cowers to his every command. Her current husband she just recently found out has been recieving Media pict on the internet and I think he has probably already done the deed but of course he denied and she believes him. He also is verbally abusive to her and has on several occasions been physically violent with her as well.

The point is, I called her yesterday and told her that she has got to gain self confidence to be able to get past the 1st interview and get her foot in the door b/c she will be a great nurse. I have tried for 2 yrs now to build her self confidence and show her that she deserves better and needs to start standing up for herself now. I have also told her to do that self affirmation stuff to help her build it up.

What are other ways that I can help her build her self confidence so she can get the job she needs to leave this abusive situation!! I have told her that until she changes how she views herself and how she comes across, which at times is subserviant, she will never get her foot in the door. I know I can't "make" her leave her situation but I think that when (or I hope) that when she starts bringing home a good paycheck she will see that she does have other options. I don't think her husband will change but when she gets it in her mind that she is equal maybe she will have a lightbulb moment and get out of there.

Sorry this is long but I really want to help her out. She deserves a better life and I am hell bent on helping her realize that she is worthy of getting a job.

[klone, MSN, RN]

That's so sweet that you want to help. But IMO, your pep talks won't even scratch the surface at addressing her issues that cause her to have poor self-esteem. She would probably need years of therapy to do that. In the meantime, perhaps getting her a book on being successful at job interviews and how to present yourself as well as possible.

Good luck to her.

[z's playa]

It makes me so mad to see women caught in this cycle. I hope she sees the light before it's too late.