Males asking for female patients?

gordydog · May 9, 2017

I think, generally, people trust women more. It is a statistical truth that the vast majority of sexual predators are men, whether gay or straight. A significant portion of the male population, also, are not heterosexual, or can swing either way. Maybe it makes a few men uncomfortable to know that the man viewing their privates might be turned on by it. I know that I chose a female PCP largely because of psychological discomfort with a man doing a pelvic exam!
Another factor that the patient might not want to reveal, but would definitely would affect him, is that he may have been a victim of sexual molestation or assault in the past. This might leave him with a phobia about men.
In short, I think men deserve the same consideration as women. People are complex. If someone makes a simple request that we can possibly accommodate, why not do so. If a patient, then, turns out to have ulterior, inappropriate motives, we should respond with zero tolerance though.

Thank you for this intelligent response. I'm a 46 year old male who as a child was molested for several years by a man. I passed blood for years, had myself convinced it was colon cancer as it runs in the family but would not get it checked out because of the exam involved. During one particularly intimate session with my psychologist I mentioned the problem to her, she was eventually able to get me to get checked out. Well, the nurses (all female) were awesome as nurses generally are, and the drug they slipped me before the endoscopy worked like a charm and I don't recall a thing. Glad I went, it was just an internal hemorrhoid that got banded.

10 years later I find myself in a "similar" situation. I donated a kidney just over a year ago, it was a laparoscopic procedure that involved a C-section to removed the kidney. I now have fluid retention/swelling in my groin/genitals that is not going away, seems to be getting worse. I mentioned it to my GP and he said "drop your drawers and lets check it out"... I told him I'd rather wait and see if it goes away, that was months ago.

I emailed the donor nurses thanking them after I got a thank you for the gift of life card in the mail, mentioned everything seemed good except for a little swelling. That started this recent panic, they seemed very concerned and asked me to get checked out ASAP, I guess it can lead to serious issues. I live in a small town with only a couple doctors and my GP as mentioned is a male. I called the office, got their email address and forwarded the conversation I had with the donor nurses to him, along with a request that the examination be done by a female, there is a female doctor and nurse practitioner that work there. I did not hear back so the following week (this week) I called and the receptionist said she was going to call me and said that the Dr. can't respond to emails and that I'd have to make an appointment to come see him.

The thought of having to explain this to him face to face, never mind the exam?? has left me in a literally frozen state, my hands have been freezing since that phone call and I'm unable to eat and god forbid it's happening day after tomorrow and frankly I wish I never said anything, would rather take the chance of leaving it because death isn't the worst thing that can happen to a guy.

I think most female nurses would understand this, probably most women in general, but how do you explain that to a male medical doctor who's actually not that bad of guy?

Wiggly Litchi · May 9, 2017

I think most female nurses would understand this, probably most women in general, but how do you explain that to a male medical doctor who's actually not that bad of guy?

I know it's tough, but have faith that the doctor will understand why and not take it personally - they treat people from all walks of life, and understand when people have certain needs that need to be met in regards to their care.

Be open, be as honest as you feel you need to be, and have them put it on your medical record that you only wish to see a female provider. I am unsure on the regulations stateside, but I think that all offices need to be able to provide access to a female care provider if requested. To me, this is no different than a woman asking to see a female MD/NP etc.

Do you have anyone that can go with you for reassurance? You can request to have someone else present in the room too if that will help you, that way it's not just you and the doc. I've even had to put my foot down with that before, a Civil Surgeon refused to let me have a female in the room for my immigration examination because he said the room was too small. I told him it wasn't my problem and he wasn't laying a hand on me without a female present.

HermioneG, BSN, RN · May 10, 2017

Different people, different preferences.

I've never requested a specific gender, but I've always felt more comfortable with male nurses and male OBGYNs taking care of me when I'm the patient. Cultures, generations, life experiences, etc etc are all things that can lead to a patient requesting a certain gender. I don't think much of it.

gordydog · May 10, 2017

Thank you for the response. I'm in Canada, I cannot see there being any regulations regarding male/female service providers as we get what we get. There are two doctors in my town, 1 male and 1 female and a female nurse practitioner. in the 25+ years I've lived here this is the only female doctor I recall in town. My GP happens to be the male and I have an appointment with him tomorrow regarding this swelling. I sent an email last week explaining my situation, doesn't respond to emails so I really don't know what to expect, he may not have even read my email so I could be starting from scratch. He's got the "readers digest" version of my history, was relevant to some stress/stomach issues I was having and he accidentally tried to kill me with Ativan LOL.

I'm not a nurse but if I can give back anything value added is BE CAREFUL WITH ATIVAN for someone who is dissociative, depressed and acutely agitated!