I feel like such a failure

[Trauma_Queen]

okay this is going to be a long post...

i just "finished" my final semester of nursing school. i had two make up tests to take and had to take them both on the same day. i made a b on the first one, but got really tired while taking the second one and completely bombed it. this put me in a position to have to make a 92 on my final to graduate, which i fell two points short of.

my mother called my instructor a week before the final to ask if anything could be done to help me. this instructor informed my mother that i sit in class all day and text message my boyfriend. this was not true and my mother explained it was not true, because i had no boyfriend to message. the instructor stated that she was told by another student that it was my boyfriend. my mother then explained that i was text messaging her because she was in and out of the hospital and almost died (which all of that did occur, we think she had a stroke). so this instructor says that she had no idea all this was occuring, and if i would have come to her she would have helped me. this is also not true, because all of the instructors were aware of my family issues. she then went on to say that i did not have to take both make up tests on the same day, that if i had asked i could have scheduled two days to take them. how was i supposed to know this? all that we were told is that make up tests were on one day (they normally have two days a semester for make up exams). it's ultimately that one test that did me in.

so of course, i'm not graduating tomorrow with the rest of my class. i was forced to go through pinning because our school is messed up and everyone gets pinned, regardless if they passed or failed. and now in order to graduate, i have to repeat an entire year. i even have to retake clinical the last semester, i just passed it, so that doesn't make sense.

i don't believe for one moment that making the instructors aware of my family issues would have helped me pass. i mean what where they going to do? give me extra points because they felt sorry for me? and i feel that the head instructor had formed a negative judgment of me because of what my classmate told her. i mean, our program teaches ethics and professionalism, but she did not adhere to either of those because she discussed my personal life with another student. if she had an issue with me, she should have come to me.

i'm deeply crushed and my life is all up in the air now. i lost the house i was building because of this, i have lost both of my jobs because of this, and i feel like i worked my tail off and have nothing to show for it. i have a lot of pride and it's hard for me to swallow right now because i feel that i have been treated unfairly. this is my dream and i don't want to give up on it, but i'm upset that i have to repeat an entire year...

i guess i need some encouragement....

[lisabeth]

I am so sorry. I know that must be totally devastating.

I dont know what to say that might make you feel any better, cause I have not been there, and at this moment, I dont think there is anything anyone can say other than I am truly sorry.

[RN and Mommy]

:icon_hug: i am so sorry for what you are going through. i don't know what else to say!

[cyb]

i can only imagine what you're going through, your goal was at the reach of your hand and then slipped away.... but you had lost nothing! the time and tears invested by you last year of nursing school was never a waste. look at it this way. your mom is still with you, and you don't have to repeat the whole program, only a year! don't let resentment/bitterness creep inside your heart and your soul, also remember what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!

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[canoehead, BSN, RN]

If she says you didn't have to take both tests on the same day, and that they would have helped you, I think it would be worth asking if you can take that test again. She can only say no.