The First Realizations That You're Not In College Anymore

  1. * You're waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed.

    * Beers at lunch get you reprimanded.

    * College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead of dress up.

    * Your parents charge rent.

    * The four food groups are no longer beer, pizza, chips and cereal.

    * It's 'getting late' when it's 9:30 p.m.

    * Three words: Student Loan Payments.

    * You make thousands of dollars a year - and still can't afford that dream Porsche.

    * You start eyeing the Light Beer Section appreciatively.

    * THEN, discussing with your friends: GPA's, spring break plans, and tonsil hockey; NOW: mutual funds, interest rates, and wedding plans.

    * Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

    * Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

    * Sneakers are now 'weekend shoes'.

    * Your salary is less than your tuition.

    * Your potted plants stay alive.

    * Having sex in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

    * You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

    * You have to pay your own credit card bill.

    * Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.

    * You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.

    * You have to file for your own taxes.

    * You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

    * You're not carded anymore.

    * You carry an umbrella.

    * You learn that "Bachelor" is nicer term for a jackass.

    * "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary,which is a little less than your allowance used to be.

    * "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

    * Your friends marry instead of hook-up; and divorce instead of break-up.

    * You start watching the weather channel.

    * Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.

    * You can no longer do shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.

    * You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

    * You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.

    * You go to parties that the police don't raid.

    * Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.

    * You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.

    * Your car insurance goes down.

    * You refer to college students as kids.

    * You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

    * Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

    * You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.

    * Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

    * Pregnancy now brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.

    * The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.

    * The weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.

    * You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and MTV News.

    * You wear more ties in a week than you even owned while in college.

    * You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Micro-Biology exams.

    * You empathize with the characters from 'Friends.'

    * METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

    * Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.

    * You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

    * Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

    * When drinking, you say at least once per night, "I just can't put it down the same way as I used to.'

    * Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.

    * You're actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a bar that's not full of '21-year-old kids.'

    * Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.
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