Oscar the Octopus

Babs0512

I was a fairly new nurse, I had been working for approximately 6 months. One evening I listened to the report and then set about visiting and assessing my patients. As I came out of the report room, I noted "Oscar's" call light was on - impatient to get started with my other duties, I nonetheless went in the see what Oscar wanted.

As I walked in the room, Oscar said: "I have to go to the bathroom." I noted that he was pulling on the vest restraint, he stated: "Get this thing off me!" I said, "OK Oscar, give me a minute" I undid both sides of the vest restraints and began to help Oscar sit up. My goodness, it started immediately, it was as if he grew four pairs of arms! I was being groped in places that hadn't been touched in a long time (Hey,I was going through a dry spell) I tried "Oscar, that is inappropriate, please do not touch me that way." Hell, that just made him giggle! As I got him up to go to the bathroom, which he swore he still had to do, he actually grabbed me BETWEEN MY LEGS while we were walking there, I might add, his gait was steady, so steady in fact that he didn't need to pay attention to actually walking, but his arms never stopped exploring! I finally got him to the toilet, he sat and he voided. I was literally dripping with sweat.

Holy cow, now it was time to take the LONG trek back to bed, mind you, he was in the first bed by the bathroom! His hands never stopped all the way back to bed - plus he added a blow by blow (no pun intended ) monologue just in case I wasn't getting his not so subtle advances! Yes, hearing what he wanted to do did not take my mind off of his seemingly many arms and hands!

I finally got him back to bed, vest restraint on, and tied back down. I wipe the sweat from my brow and tried to get the flushed look off my face with a splash of cold water. I was totally shocked that I received NONE of this information about this patient's behavior in the report. I was miffed, to say the least!

I came out of the room sweaty and flustered. I noticed all the nurses for the shift was standing around the desk, watching me walk toward them with poop eating grins on their faces. I was so flustered that I gushed out the story about my 30-minute bathroom ordeal with Oscar the Octopus!! Jim, the only male nurse on shift, comes over to me, puts his arm around me and deadpans "Babs I wouldn't get too flattered if I were you, he did the same thing to me last night!" And everyone broke out laughing!! This time, the joke was on me!

I got even with some of them before the shift ended. I went around and put surgi-lube on the earpieces of the phones - so when they picked up the phone, they got a cold, wet glob of gook in their ear!! Now, THAT was funny!

Oscar the Octopus

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