NEED HELP STAT!! How to tell a 10 year old his parent will die? He is on his way! - page 4

I'm in ICU and we have a woman in her 30s who has a 10 year old son, her only child. His grandparents are dead and his father is in jail. If she goes, he will stay with the father's mother. The mom... Read More

  1. by nursel56
    Dec 22, '12
    Quote from Trilldayz,RN BSN
    Yes, I was asking during my shift, and I don't understand why its an issue, as I was just asking for advice, since no other nurse on my unit had any advice to give me (and people on Allnurses reply VERY quickly, which is awesome!). The patient was being taken care of and there was no family at the bedside when I was writing this.I wanted to thank everyone for your advice and empathy. Dezy, I tried PMing you but your box is full. No more updates, besides they plan on withdrawing her from life support today, I believe. it is VERY heartbreaking, but I'm glad I got to experience something so tough...this will make me an even stronger nurse for it.
    Very tough for all concerned. (((trilldayz))) You will be a stronger nurse for it.
  2. by cstrazis
    Dec 23, '12
    If you feel so personally challenged, you should ask a co worker to do this, perhaps the MD or nurse manager. There's nothing wrong with being sad, but if you're so sad that you feel unable to care for the family optimally, it might be ethically correct to not deliver this news yourself.
  3. by cstrazis
    Dec 23, '12
    I realize this message is too late, I hope everything went well.
  4. by PRICHARILLAisMISSED
    Dec 23, '12
    Some of you people are incredible! This Nurse is asking for help in a very emotional and NEW situation to her/him involving a CHILD, and you find the time to point your finger at her/him and "correct" her for asking for advice on an inappropriate avenue? I've been checking out AN for the last year or so, and one common belief I find that most posters share is that "Politics" is what makes their day miserable and it gets in the way of "Caring," or making a "Real difference" or "Being a Nurse." Another commonality is the whole "Nurses eat their young" statement. Yet as soon as some of you get even a vague (I say "Vague" because since this poster did not violate anything and it is just your damn opinion that she shouldn't be on a forum asking advice. Advice from more experienced peers at that! I don't see how this is inappropriate, personally.) opportunity to say "OOOOHHH, you're not supposed to do that," you couldn't resist taking it. I guess there is some truth in the whole "Nurses eat their young" statement after all, huh?

    She doesn't need to hear that ****. And unless you're in charge of her, or you believe she is endangering a pt, it's none of your business! And for the the poster who chimed in with "Just out of curiosity, are you on the computer asking this while all of this is going down?," When exactly was she going to be on the computer asking this, after her pt was dead and the advice was no longer needed? The OP did state that the patient's son had likely had less than an hour before arrival, did she not? And maybe she tried to ask other nurses at the hospital but didn't get anywhere. Who knows? Certainly not YOU!

    Unbelievable, man...
    Last edit by JustBeachyNurse on Dec 23, '12 : Reason: ToS-profanity removed
  5. by BlueDevil,DNP
    Dec 23, '12
    The bigger issue, IMO, is that it is not a nurses role to give any of that information to the child under any circumstance, so it would be a moot point anyway, no matter where the OP was when she was asking (and for all we know she was on a lunch break).

    Prognoses of this nature are given by the attending physician, with as suggested, Chaplains, social workers and the custodial family/guardians in an appropriate conference environment. The OP would have no need to be worried about "how to tell" because she shouldn't be telling anyone anything other than, "I'll page Dr. Jones for you."

    If the attending was preparing to inform the child of his mother's prognosis without the appropriate supportive personnel, you were right to be asking whom you could call to support the family during that time and I don't think it is a problem for you to post such a question during your lunch hour.
  6. by nursynurseRN
    Dec 23, '12
    What is this nurse did it on her lunch break??? I don't see anything wrong with it, it's like reading a book on your lunch or break.
  7. by OCNRN63
    Dec 23, '12
    Quote from PRICHARILLAisMISSED
    Some of you people are incredible! This Nurse is asking for help in a very emotional and NEW situation to her/him involving a CHILD, and you find the time to point your finger at her/him and "correct" her for asking for advice on an inappropriate avenue? I've been checking out AN for the last year or so, and one common belief I find that most posters share is that "Politics" is what makes their day miserable and it gets in the way of "Caring," or making a "Real difference" or "Being a Nurse." Another commonality is the whole "Nurses eat their young" statement. Yet as soon as some of you get even a vague (I say "Vague" because since this poster did not violate anything and it is just your damn opinion that she shouldn't be on a forum asking advice. Advice from more experienced peers at that! I don't see how this is inappropriate, personally.) opportunity to say "OOOOHHH, you're not supposed to do that," you couldn't resist taking it. I guess there is some truth in the whole "Nurses eat their young" statement after all, huh?

    She doesn't need to hear that ****. And unless you're in charge of her, or you believe she is endangering a pt, it's none of your business! And for the the poster who chimed in with "Just out of curiosity, are you on the computer asking this while all of this is going down?," When exactly was she going to be on the computer asking this, after her pt was dead and the advice was no longer needed? The OP did state that the patient's son had likely had less than an hour before arrival, did she not? And maybe she tried to ask other nurses at the hospital but didn't get anywhere. Who knows? Certainly not YOU!

    Unbelievable, man...
    Many of us feel that there are more appropriate avenues of seeking help rather than posting to an anonymous MB, where you have no idea who is replying/what their experience or credentials are. A lot of people are on this board, and not all of them are nurses. Some have given advice in the past.

    FTR, no, I have never used this site (nor any other MB) to get help when I had a question. That's what co-workers and supervisors are for.
  8. by Trilldayz,RN BSN
    Dec 23, '12
    Quote from OCNRN63
    Many of us feel that there are more appropriate avenues of seeking help rather than posting to an anonymous MB, where you have no idea who is replying/what their experience or credentials are. A lot of people are on this board, and not all of them are nurses. Some have given advice in the past.FTR, no, I have never used this site (nor any other MB) to get help when I had a question. That's what co-workers and supervisors are for.
    Thanks for your insight and opinion. For myself, I have used AllNurses for advice, encouragement, and an avenue just to vent for years now... from as a pre-nursing student to now as an NP student. It has helped me over the years and I cherish ALL advice, critiques, opinions, etc., even from non nurses (whose opinions ,I think, makes the site even more diverse, as they bring their own various experiences to the table ). I'm sure thousands of posters and lurkers feel the same. I will continue to use Allnurses as a place for enrichment though, as it has benefitted me.
  9. by MN-Nurse
    Dec 23, '12
    Quote from Trilldayz,RN BSN
    Yes, I was asking during my shift, and I don't understand why its an issue, as I was just asking for advice, since no other nurse on my unit had any advice to give me (and people on Allnurses reply VERY quickly, which is awesome!). The patient was being taken care of and there was no family at the bedside when I was writing this.I wanted to thank everyone for your advice and empathy. Dezy, I tried PMing you but your box is full. No more updates, besides they plan on withdrawing her from life support today, I believe. it is VERY heartbreaking, but I'm glad I got to experience something so tough...this will make me an even stronger nurse for it.
    This is an example of some of the worst occupational judgement I have ever seen on allnurses.

    I know you will, not surprisingly, get support for your actions here, and you won't listen to any advice to the contrary. While your situation is indeed terribly challenging, nurses cannot just go to random yahoos on the internet for advice during shifts. Depending on your previous posts, it would not be hard to discern who you are talking bout given you provide exact times for the situation.

    Of course it is fine to break down and discuss events after your shift, but hanging out on a public internet message board while dealing with a very serious situation is simply insane.
  10. by Trilldayz,RN BSN
    Dec 23, '12
    Thanks for your opinion and insight MN-Nurse.
  11. by Raggmop02
    Dec 23, '12
    This is amazing. I am not a nurse yet but on my way to starting in Spring. I just want to say that as a nurse you guys make a huge difference in peoples life. I lost my mother 13 years ago and a nurse helped me get through the initial pain of losing her. She was as wonderful as Esme was with that little girl and that is what motivated me to want to pursue this career. Thank you Esme for going above and beyond and for making such a positive imprint in a life during such a painful time.
  12. by PRICHARILLAisMISSED
    Dec 24, '12
    Quote from PRICHARILLAisMISSED
    Some of you people are incredible! This Nurse is asking for help in a very emotional and NEW situation to her/him involving a CHILD, and you find the time to point your finger at her/him and "correct" her for asking for advice on an inappropriate avenue? I've been checking out AN for the last year or so, and one common belief I find that most posters share is that "Politics" is what makes their day miserable and it gets in the way of "Caring," or making a "Real difference" or "Being a Nurse." Another commonality is the whole "Nurses eat their young" statement. Yet as soon as some of you get even a vague (I say "Vague" because since this poster did not violate anything, it is just your damn opinion that she shouldn't be on a forum asking advice. Advice from more experienced peers at that! I don't see how this is inappropriate, personally.) opportunity to say "OOOOHHH, you're not supposed to do that," you couldn't resist taking it. I guess there is some truth in the whole "Nurses eat their young" statement after all, huh?

    She doesn't need to hear that ****. And unless you're in charge of her, or you believe she is endangering a pt, it's none of your business! And for the the poster who chimed in with "Just out of curiosity, are you on the computer asking this while all of this is going down?," When exactly was she going to be on the computer asking this, after her pt was dead and the advice was no longer needed? The OP did state that the patient's son had likely had less than an hour before arrival, did she not? And maybe she tried to ask other nurses at the hospital but didn't get anywhere. Who knows? Certainly not YOU!

    Unbelievable, man...



    [quote OCNRN63]Many of us feel that there are more appropriate avenues of seeking help rather than posting to an anonymous MB, where you have no idea who is replying/what their experience or credentials are. A lot of people are on this board, and not all of them are nurses. Some have given advice in the past.

    FTR, no, I have never used this site (nor any other MB) to get help when I had a question. That's what co-workers and supervisors are for. [quote]

    Whether you feel that way or not ma'am, it is only your opinion. If you had no advice for your peer in her time of need, you simply should not have responded. And if for reasons all your own you felt that what she did had put her pt in danger, or was a blatant HIPAA violation, You could have just as easily have PM'd her/him some advice-not condemnation. There is no need to finger point at this nurse with all eyes reading-well other than to show everyone else how "On the ball" you are and how much the OP "REALLY should take your high and mighty advice".

    Look, you might have meant well (though I believe you just wanted the attention, and for the other posters to see you correcting her/him. I suppose I could be wrong though. But I doubt it.), but I believe you were wrong and are a PRIME example of "Nurses eating their young."

    This also goes for this poster as well and just as strongly:

    Dec 23 by MN-Nurse
    Quote from Trilldayz,RN BSN
    Yes, I was asking during my shift, and I don't understand why its an issue, as I was just asking for advice, since no other nurse on my unit had any advice to give me (and people on Allnurses reply VERY quickly, which is awesome!). The patient was being taken care of and there was no family at the bedside when I was writing this.I wanted to thank everyone for your advice and empathy. Dezy, I tried PMing you but your box is full. No more updates, besides they plan on withdrawing her from life support today, I believe. it is VERY heartbreaking, but I'm glad I got to experience something so tough...this will make me an even stronger nurse for it. [quote]


    This is an example of some of the worst occupational judgement I have ever seen on allnurses.

    I know you will, not surprisingly, get support for your actions here, and you won't listen to any advice to the contrary. While your situation is indeed terribly challenging, nurses cannot just go to random yahoos on the internet for advice during shifts. Depending on your previous posts, it would not be hard to discern who you are talking bout given you provide exact times for the situation.

    Of course it is fine to break down and discuss events after your shift, but hanging out on a public internet message board while dealing with a very serious situation is simply insane.





    Last edit by PRICHARILLAisMISSED on Dec 24, '12
  13. by Silverdragon102
    Dec 24, '12
    OK, I think the answer has been answered and the OP has moved on so I am closing this thread as we seem to be going round in circles and attacking each other

close