loosing my self confidence at work.....

[lenjoy03]

Lately at work, I really can't explain what's happening to me. I kept on making alot of error. I can't help it. I think I'm doing my best but I still end up having an error.

At work, no one really appreciates all the good things I do. They only see the mistakes I make. One of my senior who's like a sadist who's very happy when I commit mistake and being reprimanded. Due to this, I continue to commit mistake. My self confidence is slowly deteriorating. I don't what to do anymore! I know I can overcome this but things always end up wrong. The sad thing is, when my other colleagues commits mistakes, its as if its no big deal to them. But me.... I always get an anecdotal report. I want to open this up to our MAnager but sometimes his a bit biased especially when his close to the staff that committed mistake. But me, everybody talks about my mistake and deep inside I want to cry because instead of a good talk or support for me not to commit the same mistake anymore, they keep on talking negative stuff behind me. And they kept on abusing and bullying me because I'm not fighting back. SAme issues when I have to admit patient's in the isolation area. That's should't be me. One of my senior said, "We're seniors. So you do it." Then she laugh.

I think I'm committing more mistakes because of the negative issues I hear about me.

Any opinion would really be appreciated. I just need someone to talk to right now.

[coffee_aroma]

hi Lenjoy,

Sounds the same for any other nurses in the world. Don't Worry you're not the oNly one being treated like that. Put into your mind That before they Become Seniors they are just like you Before. You commit that mistakes Because you're thinking so much. Relax and say to Yourself that nobody is Perfect in any way. If They reprimand you or whatsoever, look through their Eyes dear dnt even Blink, don't talk.I tell you, they will be brought to their senses. If they'll ask you to explain, be ready to have a good explanation. Let them Feel That they are so mean to you. it's good that you're in your country, you can always fight back coz you're in the same skin. If you'll go in other country, like where I am now, God! you'll lost your mind if you always let others pull you down. Don't push yourself so much to be perfect., ask for help in a nice way especially those who are mean to you so that they will see you as someone who's willing to learn.and..Pray dear, always so that God will guide you. You have bigger dreams, so let dis people be the ones to keep you going. Ciao!

[lenjoy03, RN]

Few days ago, one of my patient really likes me to be her nurse. She even took my whole name, phone number and my address. Even if I'm already off duty, already endorsed the patient, she still asked for me. Still I go to her room even if I'm already off duty if she's asking for me. I was able to mention that the patient likes me and she asks me to be her nurse always. One of my senior said, "its a good thing a patient likes you." which is really in a sarcastic approach. I said that "there are patient who wants me to be their nurse but I don't tell others. No need for it to be known." I also said, "Its a good thing they appreciate me. Because you only see the negative and not the good things I do." Then I stepped in to my other patient's room.

Just arrived from work today. Last night our charged nurse was the one who I mentioned above. When we were not doing anything, she kept on asking why one of our difficult patient kept on asking me to be her nurse. Since I had a medication error on that same patient, she kept on asking me why I overdose her. I said I didn't mean to do that mistake. Through reading all your comments about my situation, I thought that you were all right. People in our unit kept on reminding me all my mistake that even if the issue is still over, they still kept on reminding it to me. So I doubt myself. I'm confused and conscious that I might make another mistake. Because of this, I always commit a mistake. I told her that. She also said some gossip from other nurse.

Endorsement time. The next nurse was the one who gossips about me. She was so mad. Before I left the unit, I charged a compounding medicine to a patient and asked my senior if I wrote it right. I even asked the pharmacist what to right. She also asked me to changed the diaper of a patient because its already soaked with urine. But I just changed it few minutes ago. Then I texted her the abdominal girth I got from one of our patient. She said that I did not finish my charting. I know I did finish it. I asked our aide to changed the diaper for me. She texted me that I did not write the ml on the compounding. But I asked my senior and pharmacist if I charged it right. Then she didn't believe me that the abdominal girth was the one I texted.

Right now, I'm really thinking to transfer to other unit. I realized I'm not happy anymore. If everyday people will continue to remind me about my mistakes from the past, no doubt, I'll always commit an error. Though this is not like me, getting affected with these kind of issues, it seems that I became fragile. And that everyday, I really mean everyday in the Chapel, there I cry.

Oh one more, the AM nurse also texted me that I said bad words. I was shocked because I dont even know how to say those words and I have no reason to say it. I think our charged nurse made up another story about me. This is the 4th time she did this.

Why is it that when their friends commits mistakes, forgot to close the chart, done this and that.... its as if its no big deal to them. But our batch especially me, its always a big deal and it becomes a special endoresement among charge nurse.

Its a good thing I'm on rest day today. That way, I can reflect on what's really happening, my mistakes and what I should do with my situation.....

[coffee_aroma]

hi lenjoy,

hahaha, wat u juz shared is a very funny thing to experience! but then ur right that it's really heart breaking!. um, can u just take a mirror and look at urself, wat can u see?? do u see urself as someone who's very intimidating to the eyes? or maybe can u see urself as someone who's good-looking and very angelic to see? coz sometimes people judge you according to ur looks. damn if ur pretty dey r juz insecure..

I got one co-worker here who's also being bullied by other staffs coz they think my co-worker is not that humble, and her facial expression is really intimidating to them. on the other hand i know her more than they do so she got her strength tru me, I told her several times not to cry in front of them coz it's so lame to see. I told her to answer back if she has a good answer. Now even if other staffs think negatively about her, she's getting stronger each day. Though I kinda' see her cry yesterday coz' she's the one who's being reprimanded by one of our staff coz the blood that our staff left to the warmer was being cooked!our staff left it to her care even if she's busy., so she forgot to check the blood. The only thing that was wrong was, she said "yes" in every thing she's being told to do. But I told her it was never her fault coz' that's the responsibility of our staff coz' that's for her pt, our staff exposed it directly to the warmer too. Even if that's the story, the senior staff always win. SO she cried again. tsktsk.

ANyway, i just want to remind you to learn to say "no" or "i can't" in some situations. Sometimes, seniors always told you to do dis and dat coz they're lazy to do stuffs like that. Still, put into your mind that you are still learning and that ur still under their supervision. So whatever wrong things you've done is also their fault. And gurl, after you endorsed your patient it's finish! It's under their care, so whatever pending, output should be discussed when endorsing and if that time they did not ask you it's their fault!that's why it's called end of ur shift!They should check the chart while ur endorsing if they got questions. Still, next time, don't be in a hurry to check doctors notes, ur notes,meds,kardex etc...ok?endorsed clearly.

And about that gossip, talk to that person, tell her or them who made that issue? so that they will be in awe if you'll reprimand them.I was also on that situation, and I told that person it's never a big deal and whoever made that issue is someone who's scared enuf to face me. She's even afraid to tell who's the person who made the story, coz' i showed to them from my very first day that I am nice but if ur not nice I can be their worst nightmare!haha. Even the doctor who's shouting at me before was really nice to me now. Never did I hear him shouted at me!haha. So, go lenjoy!you can only save urself. ok!

[lenjoy03, RN]

I spoke with our Unit manager 3 days ago for a unit transfer. And I'll be transferred on the other unit next schedule, meaning this coming sunday or monday.

Now I have a new problem at work. I was on night shift for 2 weeks. Well one morning duty, one afternoon duty and the rest is night shift. Talk about 6p duties 3x in 2 weeks. With all those duties, I got sick yesterday. I'm suppose to have a 6pm to 6am duty yesterday but I got sick. Asked our charged nurse who is also the assisstant unit manager for a off because I can't go to work. SHe asked me instead if I can go to work at night shift. I said I'll call the unit at 1900H if I can go to work. I called our unit manager and asked him regarding the situation. He told me to call the unit and talk to our charge nurse to fix the schedule. But then again, I wasn't able to go work because I'm too sick to stand. She told me to go to ER at that same day which is already 1930H and she wants my medical certificate the next day. I wasn't able to go to ER because my house is about 30 km away from work and the hospital nearby is about 5 km away. We have to car and I'm too sick. I went to our health clinical early in the morning for a check up. The family doctor of the hospital where I work told me to have a 2 day rest. I went to our unit to give my medical certificate. And guess what! I was asked to go on duty tonight because of understaff! I explained my side and I guess, she wont take no for an answer! When I got home, I was having a fever again because I had to travel 30 km just for a check up! My sister who is also a nurse abroad and just having her vacation was very mad!

Another bad and biased day for me! BEcause when my senior get sick, they get all the rest they have and me, well, of course I understand about the understaff issues, but....... I still have to work!!!

[lenjoy03, RN]

hi lenjoy,

hahaha, wat u juz shared is a very funny thing to experience! but then ur right that it's really heart breaking!. um, can u just take a mirror and look at urself, wat can u see?? do u see urself as someone who's very intimidating to the eyes? or maybe can u see urself as someone who's good-looking and very angelic to see? coz sometimes people judge you according to ur looks. damn if ur pretty dey r juz insecure..

Oh, the other day, I went to our former school for a couselling. And guess what, the answer to your question is not that beautiful. My face is very common, but of course not that ugly. It's just that, "I have a very strong personality" that people tend to see me even if I'm not doing anything. Counselors kept on telling me that quote since college. Even if I'm just asking a person's opinion about me. Because I was wondering why since gradeschool, high school and college, people tend to see me even if I'm not doing anything. Of course, they see me more when I commit mistakes. And I'm always been told that people around me are just insecure because they might see something in me that is intimidating. Strange! I'm just a simple person....

[bossynurse101]

I know for me, whenever I start saying or doing dumb things at work (and not) it is like a snowball effect. Here's a hug :icon_hug:to start your day over (you can start your day over any time!) Taking time to examine the mistakes youre making and how to not make them in the future - kind of in a care plan approach - is essential as a new nurse. Dont give up! There is usually pain in growing and strength in humility. Hopefully you can look back one day and be grateful that someone pointed out the errors so that you cd fix them. Good luck!