Hyper self-critical. Completely normal?

llg, PhD, RN · Apr 11, 2016

It is good that you have a realistic perception of the problem your "condition" causes. I have had several job candidates tell me that as if they are bragging about -- like they are better than everyone else because they strive for perfection so diligently. When i get that answer in an interview, I usually follow-up with a question something like, "Tell me what problems being hyper-critical has caused for you," and they start hemming and hawing because they thought their "weakness" was actually a strength. They never considered it a real weakness and have no intention of admitting to a real weakness or of trying to change.

You are able to see it as the true weakness that it is. It's not unusual -- but it is not "normal" and not conducive to good practice. Nurses need to be brave enough to act and comfortable enough with assuming responsibility for the consequences of their decisions and actions. I don't have any great solutions to your problem: perhaps talking to a counselor about why you can't see yourself in a positive light would help. Maybe some other posters who have dealt with this problem will offer some tips.

But I wanted to post to congratulate you for being honest with yourself about the problem. Good luck with in finding some ways to improve your self-image and boost your confidence.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Apr 11, 2016

If I were to give someone the honest answer to that awful interview question "what is your greatest weakness?", it would be that I am hyper self-critical. At first that probably appears to be a helpful quality as I am in no danger of being over-confident and it means a great deal of internal reflection and development.
However, it can really spoil my enjoyment of my job. A semi-constant stream of "that could have been better... that other nurse did that really well, can't you do it like that...you got that wrong last time too...remember that needs a lot of improvement...I should have said/done/performed better etc" runs through my head. This occurs on most shifts.
It also makes me much less confident, even when I am right. I think it makes me less able as a leader and potentially as a nurse, although I hope not. During a 360 feedback exercise, colleagues pinpointed a lack of self-confidence but not a lack of knowledge, as a problem. I recently got myself through a sea of self-doubt on my last shift when a kind friend reminded me of positive feedback from colleagues and patients over the years. I hate it and I'd love to change. (I have many other weaknesses too, which I work on).
Is this unusual? Do others have this? Any ideas for how to stop or reduce this are gratefully received. Any tough love, along the lines of "stop with the indulgent self-absorption already", is okay too.

I hope you never have this, rather trite question, asked of you in an interview.

If you were to self analyze like this during the interview.. you would blow it. Over thinking and self analyzing also blows it on the job. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Hollybobs · Apr 12, 2016

It is good that you have a realistic perception of the problem your "condition" causes. I have had several job candidates tell me that as if they are bragging about -- like they are better than everyone else because they strive for perfection so diligently. When i get that answer in an interview, I usually follow-up with a question something like, "Tell me what problems being hyper-critical has caused for you," and they start hemming and hawing because they thought their "weakness" was actually a strength. They never considered it a real weakness and have no intention of admitting to a real weakness or of trying to change.
You are able to see it as the true weakness that it is. It's not unusual -- but it is not "normal" and not conducive to good practice. Nurses need to be brave enough to act and comfortable enough with assuming responsibility for the consequences of their decisions and actions. I don't have any great solutions to your problem: perhaps talking to a counselor about why you can't see yourself in a positive light would help. Maybe some other posters who have dealt with this problem will offer some tips.
But I wanted to post to congratulate you for being honest with yourself about the problem. Good luck with in finding some ways to improve your self-image and boost your confidence.

Thank you, you've gone right to the heart of it. I have to sort of "shove it out of the way" to do my job effectively but it is like a heavy weight. I was a bit embarrassed posting such a self-absorbed post but it felt like the right time to ask someone. Will work on what you've mentioned.

Hollybobs · Apr 12, 2016

I hope you never have this, rather trite question, asked of you in an interview.
If you were to self analyze like this during the interview.. you would blow it. Over thinking and self analyzing also blows it on the job. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I would blow it if I said all of that in interview! It doesn't help me do my job- although I do compensate for it. I'd like to be rid of it. Not prone to it then, BTDT?