help, suspect abuse

[turquoise]

Hi all, I am a nursing student by day and a child care worker by night. This question is related to the child care, but I thought some of you may have delt with a similar situation and could offer some advice. Here's the situation: I work at an elementary school grades Pre-K through 6. One of the younger children ( age 5) has been a cause for concern for myself and my co-workers. He often has bathroom issues, which I know can be a sign of sexual abuse. He very rarely has an injury, but when he does the story constantly changes when ever he tells it and it differs from what his mom says. His mom is almost always the one that picks him up (occasionally his dad) and his parents do seem to care about him. He has mentioned to me a couple of times about how his parents scream a lot at home at each other. The other day, we were making "scary" masks and he said something along the lines of "it would only be scary if it looked like a paddle." I tried to get him to open up a little bit more about it, but he clammed up immediately. My main problem with all of this is that everything can be explained. For instance he had a stomach bug (and his mom said he was taken to the doctor) when he was having daily bowel incontinence. (urinary incontinence has been a problem 3-4 times as well. however, he is young.) His mom said the cut on his face happened at school (although he said otherwise and the cut looked like it had been healing for a day or two- it was monday, it looked like it had to happen over the weekend) The same day as the cut on his face he had a few other bruises which he said happened from a fall down the stairs. Later that day he fell down the stairs right in front of me -maybe he is just a clutz. Not even looking at any of these occurences, I just have had a gut feeling (which is rarely if ever wrong) that something is going on and one of my co-workers feels the same. I don't want to turn someone in on gut feelings and i dont want to turn someone in who is innocent and cause problems that they dont need. At the same time, i just can't let go of the feeling that something, if only a rare occurence, is going on at their house. I guess I just feel that even though things can be explained, medically or otherwise, i just feel that there is too much explaining that needs to be done. Am i just lloking for something to be wrong? I'm sorry that this is such a long post, but i just needed some inputon this, and at the very least how to get rid of the guilt gut i feel if nothing is really going on and i cause problems. Thank you all.

[DDRN4me]

good for you for following your gut! In the future, and starting now, document document document document every thing you think might be suspicious. if the DSS feels there is a case, they will probably contact the school. remember , if it isnt written it doesnt exist!

[FutureNrse]

I would say to absolutely report it. No question in my mind. I was once on the receiving end of this and even though there was no abuse, and it ended up somewhat humorous, overall I was just glad to know that the staff at my daughters school are on the lookout for abuse.

When she was in first grade I was called to the school to meet with a teacher and counselor. I assumed that the meeting was about my daughter's difficulty with speech, as all of my kids have undergone at least 2 years of speech therapy. But no, the problem was that my child was too well behaved. Yep, too well behaved, lol. It seems that the counselor was a recent grad and very enthusiastic and had learned that sometimes abused kids can be extremely well behaved out of fear of being punished. I had to laugh, assuring them that she was just a good kid. Even more funny was the fact that I worked for child protective services at the time. I told them to please have my daughter come in to the meeting and that they could ask her anything they wanted, while I waited in the hall. The counselor asked one question "What happens if you get into trouble at home?" My daughter's reply "I never get in trouble".

The staff was a bit sheepish, but I was amused. You know, to this day, she's never been in trouble :)

Report the problem, and even if the parents don't appreciate it, that's too bad. You have to do what's right.

As for the post about reporting the kids you'd never even met...good for you, if more people got involved, less kids would suffer.