This story was told very well, even showing your change of heart took courage...Not everyone is capable of taking good care of special needs children...it is often totally heart breaking...whether the child was born this way or something traumatic caused the disease state. Often a mother or fathers heart is the only real connection that you can "actually see", like a window to the childs heart/soul...Have you ever worked with a closed head injured pt...and wondered whether there was anyone in there, and months later they actually woke up!? Its amazing, and totally unexpected, yet it does happen...Medicine is amazing, its Gods gift, and His grace, His hope applied to our lives ...but...we are only PRACTICING medicine, as nurses etc...We are His healing hands, His touch, His hug, that can be passed on from person to person...Over the yrs (or even only months)...how many miracles have you taken place in....have you assisted in a birth? WOW!! Have you held someones hand, or just sat with someone through the dying process...It is just really hard for me to believe that some big bang happened and all the cells lined up and poof, a human was created ...over time...yeah right...everything is essentially made out of the same ole stuff, and yet, one is a human, another a dog, and another a plant...hmm I just can't wrap my mind around that...My answer, my hearts belief is that there is a God..whatever you call your creator...its all about faith..we get too smart for our britches (I know, kind of hick sounding--but you get my drift), and all of a sudden we question our very existence...I honestly don't know where all this came from....I had a grandchild who lived a little less than an hour...the Dr...(the so called specialist) wanted my grand daughter to be born vaginally, so that it woud quicken her death...was suppose to be "MORE HUMANE" The actual birth would probably cause her to be stillborn..During a "cheating" ultrasound to find out whether my grandbaby was a boy or girl (small town hospital---friend did an ultrasound)...the Small town Dr. was called in on a sunday Dr. M came into the hospital off of the tractor in his cowboy boots/jeans..and helped us understand what the ultrasound tech saw...My grand daughter had an omphalocele...and would need a specialized ultrasound, and specialist to determine what our next moves should be...He was kind and gave us hope...Until the specialist informed us that "IT WAS NOT VIABLE"...My daughter knew that didn't sound good, and I became well...Ticked off immediately...I let the Dr. know he needed to explain to my daughter what he meant, and that he better find his compasionate side while doing so!! Anyway, my grand daughter had Pentology of Cantrel...and a multitude of abnormalties. The Dr told us she had 3 days to decide to abort it!....My daughter told him right then and there that her baby girls life was in Gods hands, and chose to carry her...surpisingly Justina went to almost full term...was born 4pounds 13oz, blonde hair, ....(sorry I am jumping around)...when my daughter went into labor the Dr/Specialist said she needed to deliver vaginally it was best for the baby! Yeah, RIGHT...we knew she was malformed, with severe scoliosis, etc (sort of fused bent like a L shape,) her intestines were on the outside, as well as her heart, she only had a partial diaphragm, her lungs were incomplete...and they said a vaginal birth would be best (so that she would suffer less!!)...They were making my daughter labor, on top of everything else, I thought this was so unfair...labor is suppose to have a wonderful outcome...why go through it when there is so little chance...and why tear a baby apart while traveling through the birth canal!!! What's fair about that..to die in birth...not to mention that my daughter was still young, and wanted more than anything in life to be a "mother"..and what the Dr. proposed posed a serious danger to my daughter..and her chances of having children again...He suggested that a C-section was a high risk too...(He didn't know I was a surgical nurse, who assisted in C-sections)Anyway, I went over his head...my daughter had a c-section and my grand daughter was born! She lived less than an hour...I held her, and literally watched her little heart beat, and her lungs take their breaths...she gave it her best shot...but grandma sung to her, and held her, until Jesus took her in His loving arms...My daughter had a chance to meet her daughter, and to say goodbye. This was yrs ago..could she have lived today with intervention? Maybe..but Gods grace was sufficient...Is this all why now yrs later I have changed directions once again and find myself working with special needs children...I enjoy seeing the smiles/and facial expressions these children have...the light that shines in their eyes when they recognize their family, and yes, even their nurse! I know someone is in there...how much they understand, how far they will go in life...isn't up to me. I can't control any of that, but I can control portions of their health. I can give them good care, with Love and tenderness, laughter and joy...isn't that what we all need....(by the way--if you are taking care of a child, and they are not being cared for properly, is CPS involved? Or is it a situation where alls you can do is your best, whether it be in their home, or institution they all deserve our best...if you can't give loving care then maybe its time for a change. God Bless all those that give their best for these truly special children (and adults)!