(wait for it....) A CORPORATE P.R. representative! That's right! For the next however many weeks it takes, we un-enlightened nurses get to have a P.R. (could stand for public relations or patient relations, I don't know...same diff) rep shadow us on our shift, observing how we interact with our patients and offering critiques and feedback on how we are performing! WHAT A TREAT! You know, I'm surrounded by nurses who have worked on this unit since I was no more than a gleam in my parent's eyes, and I'm sure they know a lot- I'm sure, but when it comes to the real deal- I'll always look to the people in the snappy suits for knowledge. THEY know where it's at- and they've never even worked a day in their life as a nurse, now hey, that takes some talent right there, let me tell you!
I'm sure the patients appreciate it too- I know when I was a new mom when it came time for the nurses to squish my postpartum belly and pull down my undies, and help me waddle to the bathroom my thought was always "the more the merrier!"
Have I lost my nursing virginity? Is nurse PeepnBiscuits all grown up now? Never thought I'd see the day when I'd be so cynical, so jaded and so hard. It's a good thing I don't often speak my mind I guess. Since when has our unit come under scrutiny? Oh yes we have patients whine about nurses coming in to check them in the night- too bad so sad, I'm not going to let you hemorrhage tonight. Sorry! I'm also not going to let your baby have any number of things go wrong with him that could easily go wrong in the first 24 hours. We get complaints about the food- hey, guess what, I can empathize. I had both my kids here and I didn't touch a stinkin thing (except the cereal, you can't screw up boxed cereal) do you want me to go yell at the nutrition staff who aren't even there at 2 am?
I don't want some P.R. person tagging along with me. The person already held things up for the two people that were shadowed the other night! What makes it even worse is that these people who are shadowing are merely lackeys for the even bigger people who are just too awesome to step one shiny shoe'd toe onto a hospital floor- puh! Send the lackeys out to stay up all night long with the nurses while we get our beauty sleep. Perhaps I've always been this way and just didn't know it. I don't want someone telling me what words to say to patients and how to say them. I welcome constructive criticism, when it comes from a colleague who "gets it" or a patient who has to put up with me for 8 hours. I can't even PRETEND to smile and nod like a good little nurse when being told by someone who most likely doesn't even know what we're doing and why.
