Don't want to be a nurse anymore

AOx1 · Jun 11, 2009

Personal question here, so don't take this the wrong way. Are you a "type A" perfectionist? The reason I ask is that some parts of your post make me think you might be, just like I am. I think most nurses go into this wanting to genuinely help people. Add to that the need to be "perfect" if you are a type A who wants everything just right, and it can be difficult.

My first year, I beat myself up every night, second guessing every decision, and making myself feel bad because I couldn't live up to that perfect example of a nurse that I wanted to be and that I'd been taught about in school. I thought I must be the worst nurse ever because I found myself so task oriented and just trying to complete what I had to do, like a checklist, with no real time to spend personally with each patient. In your first year, this is normal. It's hard to be therapeutic and perfect when you have to learn how to do basic tasks, how to send lab off, who to count on when things go wrong, and all the other myriad tasks you face as a new nurse.

At around 6 months out, I started to realize that I knew a "few" things, and stress was reduced a lot. At a year, I realized that the things I used to think were difficult and somehow magical were becoming routine and easy. People were starting to ask me for advice, and sometimes I knew the answers, lol. After two years, I felt really, really confident with the caveat that I still had plenty to learn. Each year it gets better and easier, and I can focus more and more on the patient.

But some days are just horrible, and it doesn't matter how much experience you've had. This is often a staffing issue- not enough help to do all the work. On those days, you just have to tell yourself that you did the best job you could with the resources available. I refer to it as nursing utilitarianism- sometimes the best you can do is to bring the greatest amount of quality care and kindness to the greatest amount of people, and call it good enough. It's official, staffing and the current healthcare climate have assisted my transformation into the John Stuart Mill of nursing.

When you are tempted to pick apart your performace, try reminding yourself of all you did accomplish that day that few other people could have done. Maybe it was just a kind word or a smile, but it may have changed someone else's attitude or life.

It sounds silly, but I was having the worst day last week- hormonal, fought with a friend, lost my debit card, you name it. Everything was going wrong. Traffic was horrible, I was trying to get to my bank in time to withdraw cash in person, and a man smiled at me and let me in to traffic. Then at the bank another man held the door open for me and said "good afternoon!"- tiny gestures, but when I got back to my car, my attitude had totally changed from borderline nasty to grateful for the small kindnesses in the world. As nurses, we have the chance to offer kindness to others every day. Some will accept it, some will reject it. What they do with our kindnesses is up to them, but it can really change your own outlook. I learned to fake a smile and a good attitude early on, and before I knew it, it was real, lol.

Kevin RN08 · Jun 12, 2009

To piggyback on LivetoLearn's thought ...

Just as we can't control what others do with our offering of kindness ... they have no right to control our mood.

Please do take some "ME Time" to reflect on why you chose this profession, how far you have grown in to this profession, and even what you may change.

I retired from the Navy after 20 years, but for the first 18 months I was miserable; homesick, lovesick, scared, inadequate, depressed. I would go to medical with ailments that I didn't have all in hopes of being processed out. Then the light came on and I decided that I needed to look at why I was there, what I wanted, and how I was going to get what I wanted.

Don't get me wrong, I never thought I'd make the Navy a career, and you may choose to go in another direction than Nursing. But you owe yourself an honest evaluation and explanation.

zlenik · Sep 25, 2010

I'm a new grad and finding a job is next to impossible. I'm getting really mad when people talk about nursing shortage and under staffing. While seasoned nurses get burned out and leave the profession they originally loved, new grads spend months volunteering for nothing. I guess, healthcare manufacture figured how to do more with less and it's a loss-loss situation. I wonder when it will stop. I think burned out nurses should go on a strike to get us, newbies, into the hospitals to help them out. I think that would be the multi-billion $ industry recipe for disaster. We should stand up for ourselves and one another!!!

himilayaneyes · Sep 25, 2010

Stop the OT. Your mental health is more important than some extra money. Nursing is tough...and it does affect us mentally. You need time to recoup before you go back onto that high acuity floor. Yes, your job is going to try to guilt trip you when they want you to come in...but I don't even pick up the phone when I see my job calling. You have to look out for you b/c your boss isn't going to. Good luck.

ambroseRN · Dec 5, 2010

Personally I don't work over time and have been a nurse for over a year now and STILL don't want to be there. I love my patients but I am beginning to really really hate 12 hour shifts. I hate nightshift because it screws up my social life and I hate day shift because it is to stressful for me to work. Kudos to you who can handle days. I have to work as a nurse for another year because of my contract. I don't know what I'm going to do after that. It has improved some over time, but basically the difference between now and when I started is how I act right before I have to go back to work. I use to cry every time before I went to work....cry to the point that I had made myself sick. Now I don't cry, but I get very depressed and moody. Practically speaking it would be wise for me to get a prescrption for Xanax just so I don't get so upset. Nursing is a horrible career. I want to help people, without killing myself and sacrificing my social life, my values, and morals to do it.

I would have disagreed with you 15 years ago but unfortunately I would not encourage anyone to get into the profession with the direction that it has headed. My mother was a top RN for 47 years and the reason I went into the profession. I am a very good nurse with the clean record of service and numerous recognitations as an outstanding RN but this did not stop `managers' from treating me incredibly poorly. I kept going back because I truly know the patients need good nurses who care but I think I have had enough. I am seriously BURNED OUT !! :crying2:

mikeyswife · May 15, 2012

I have been having a tough time at work lately. I have been working a lot of overtime b/c we are understaffed. The money is great but the stress is getting to me. I work on a high acuity floor and I love my patients, but when I have a problem I don't want to talk to the management. They seem to not understand sometimes and I don't really trust them enough to tell them things. On my days off I do nothing b/c I am so exhausted from work. My stress has increased so much that I am becoming more depressed and going over in my head what I did wrong that day (or what I percieved to do wrong). I feel like I give 100% to my patients, but am just losing the reason why I got into nursing. I don't want to show that I am stressed in front of my patients, but sometimes its hard to hide it. Can anyone help who has gone through this?

I am wondering if you are feeling any better about your job. Because I have been an RN for 8 years now and I wish I had never gone into nursing. I don't want to do it anymore. I am always worried that I am going to make a mistake or miss something. When I finally make it to my off days, I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, I don't even get enjoyment out of things that I used to. Has anyone else ever felt this terribly about it?