Confused as to what to do

[CSHRN]

I'm looking for a little friendly advice. I've been off orientation about 7 months now and feel my confidence has been growing each day as I learn more. Just the other night had my second code. It had a successful outcome, but my night was thrown off, I was pretty frazzled the rest of the night and wound up not as complete in my assessments as I usually am. This morning my manager sat me down in the office to point out the mistakes I had made that night, and I admit to all of them, not making any excuses. In addition in this meeting, from a seperate incident about a month ago, I was issued a "written warning" for a situation that occured with a patient. (It was a mistake that was caught without harm to the patient, and in this situation through the rules of delagation, I'm ultimatly the one responsible.) Again I accept that too. I am not making excuses for my actions but I felt the code resulted in my lack of detail that night, and that was not mentioned in this meeting by my manager, though it was known that was the night this all occured until I mentioned that all that was pointed out occured the same night. Nothing like this has ever happened before to me. I think it will be hard to work comfortably if I need to watch over my shoulder all the time. I was told the meeting was about "reeducation" but I felt persicuted. Mistakes by others have been treated in similar manner of passive aggression. All in all, I can't say that I have been happy working in my unit, especially for my current manager, and now with the warning in my file, it will be hard to change units. My problem is this: now I feel like I'm going to be watched excessively, on thin ice and I can't exactly leave right now either. And even if I make sure that I dont repeat my mistakes, how can I be sure not to have another. I really try my best to provide the best patient care I can. I'm at a loss of who to turn to either about this because I don't need gossip either.

[incublissRN, BSN, RN]

If you aren't happy in your unit, perhaps you could go ahead and try to transfer or find a new job. If you transfer I assume the hiring manager would see your written warning or talk to your manager? Maybe you could just explain your side of the situation, what you've learned, and what you would do differently. Usually if you interview for a job HR can only tell them dates of employment and if you are eligible for rehire. I don't know if you would be eligible for rehire with the written warning in your file?

Sorry I'm not extremely helpful, just trying to come up with some ideas.

[alex1]

oh my gosh! I feel like I'm reading my own post. I am in the same boat as you....very identical!! My reeducation is a nightmare. I'm under the microscope constantly. I feel so incompetent. Before my mistake I was starting to feel competent and comfortable in my job in the ICU. I really felt good..not cocky or arrogant at all. If I didn't know something, I looked it up or asked my team. Since my mistake and subsequent "reeducation" I feel like my spirit has been popped. I cry constantly and I've never been a big crier. I go to work every night under this microscope while management dangles my job over my head..The stress is unbearable. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. I wish managment would realize that we are new and that we are going to make mistakes..everyone does..Reeducation should be education not disciplinary action.

[CSHRN]

Yup. Exactly. I'm kind of afraid to go to work out of fear of making another mistake and undergoing more reeducation or "sitdowns" as I call them. Now dont get me wrong, I am all for learning from my mistakes, but I ask myself, am I making more mistakes then everyone else, or just in the spot light? I am scared to get a patient with "issues" because that means the manager will go through the chart later. On the bright side, I have been told that sometimes the manager 'picks" someone to follow for a time period. And another person recently had a patient with "issues" and said "great now i'm going to have all my charting reviewed in the morning." when I hear that I know I'm not alone, but I also know Im in a toxic environment. Like you said Alex, we are new. and still learning. it takes time.