After working at my new job for over 6 months, today seemed to be the first day where I said to myself :
"What the hell am I doing here, I need to start looking for a new job"
First off, my background is that I worked in an ICU across the country for 3 years. I did precept new nurses and many liked me as a preceptor. I love to teach. I got offered to take OHS training but refused to do so because of politics. The doctors were good but the nurses would fight over when and how many hearts they got. It was not something that I wanted to be involved in. This was a 38 bed ICU/CIC/CSU. It had large doctor groups for Intensivists and a Heart surgeon group with 3-4 different surgeons. It was the 3rd and biggest ICU of the hospital. Before I left things were geting very political and there was a revolving door of new grads coming into the ICU. This hospital was strong on clinical based evidence
So now I work in a small town, this ICU is only 14 beds large. It's the only ICU in this hospital. It has one major heart surgeon who does all the hearts. Before coming here it diverted the neuro patients but now taking more neuro patients (which I have not had a lot of experience with). There is a very seasoned staff here, also a a lot of nursing that come off the telemetry floor here. (They also use clusters floats that do basic ICU patients)
THIS IS MY DILEMMA:
I have been asked to do OHS training by this hospital and again hesitant.
Because ever since I started there is not one person that isn't afraid of this surgeon. Every nurse walks on egg shells and everytime there is something wrong he goes straight to my manager and she must make it right.
This is an older heart surgeon and orders things that are no longer considered beneficial to the patient.
Dopamine gets left on the patient for days, for "renal perfusion" or whatever people think he's using it for. There is no valid reason he gives for doing things.
I am not used to patient's being on drips for hypocritical reasons.
No one bats an eye, or asks any questions.
They just do what he says and orders, and why? Because he's the doctor. (they all say that)
"that's what he wants"
Well if he said go push the patient off a bridge would you?
Then tonight I come into a charge nurse role. I have never been a charge nurse and the idea of it makes me very
uncomfortable. I am not comfortable to begin with and then this just threw me over the edge tonight. (maybe I need some ativan)
As it was told to me, "here is a checklist, just follow that, it's not hard to do. Everyone is nervous at first but everyone must do it"
This is unacceptable to me.
Then I asked another nurse, who also didn't want to do OHS training if she was going to do the training.
I said I am not ready for that.
She said to me.... "UMmmmm you are core, you don't have a choice. Everyone has to do it."
Granted I know I have to do it, but I am not comfortable. I am also in school for my MSN, and currently studying for the CCRN and then plan to do CSC.
Shall I move on?