You know your a nurse!!!

[lithgo]

>>>>

>>>> Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell??

>>>>

>>>> It took her two weeks to realise she wasn't at work!

>>>>

>>>> You may be a nurse if.....

>>>> You believe that every patient needs TLC...

>>>> Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.

>>>>

>>>> You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer system

some

>>>>night in a dark alley.

>>>>

>>>> You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

>>>>

>>>> Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

>>>>

>>>> Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital

>>>>pillowcases.

>>>>

>>>> And their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.

>>>>

>>>> You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place

by

>>>>heart.

>>>>

>>>> Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.

>>>>

>>>> When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea was,

you

>>>>show them your shoes. If

>>>> they missed your shoes, you use the well-known"poo curry colour

scale"

>>>>ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.

>>>>

>>>> You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell of

it.

>>>>

>>>> Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the

keys,

>>>>scissors and clamps in your pocket.

>>>>

>>>> You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are

>>>>dispensing than they know.

>>>>

>>>> You use cathether bags to drip water onto your plants when you're

on

>>>>holiday.

>>>>

>>>> You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the real

thing

>>>>and it triggers flashbacks or...

>>>>

>>>> Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you spend

the

>>>>whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-rays.

>>>>

>>>> You avoid answering the phone on your day off in case anyone from

the

>>>>hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.

>>>>

>>>> You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at

>>>>another table throw up.

>>>>

>>>> You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than you

did

>>>>before you started nursing.

>>>>

>>>> You've seriously considered catheterising your children before a

long

>>>>car journey.

>>>>

>>>> Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of

them

>>>>on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives on them.

>>>>

>>>> You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.

>>>>

>>>> You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to

>>>>convince the doctor is more difficult"

>>>>

>>>> You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.

>>>>

>>>> You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your

>>>>co-worker and to shout if they need help.

>>>>

>>>> Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.

>>>>

>>>> Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

>>>>

>>>> When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't

sure of

>>>>the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.

>>>>

>>>> You find yourself checking ou other customers' veins in

supermarket

>>>>queues.

>>>>

>>>> You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your

dinner

>>>>break and are not embarrassed when you wake up.

>>>>

>>>> You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre for

fear

>>>>that they will drop dead near you and you'll have to do CPR on your

day

>>>>off.

>>>>

>>>> You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet

for a

>>>>tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.

>>>>

>>>> You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work nights

and

>>>>realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate just lack of

>>>>sleep...

>>>>

>>>>

>>>> You pull over in a layby after working nights because you are too

>>>>tired todrive home and wake up to someone knocking on your window

>>>>thinking you've had a stroke because you're passed out in your car

>>>>drooling.

>>>>

>>>> Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.

>>>>

>>>> You've seen more memberes than any prostitute.

>>>>

>>>> You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest.

>>>>Soon.

>>>>

>>>> If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who

is,

>>>>it's just to help you understand our mindset and questionable

mental

>>>>state!