Skip to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

allnurses

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Discussion

What would you do?

need-job-references-manager-hates-me.jpg.d1239e913e543183f1f4ba60a47c9216.jpg

I had an interview today that went amazingly. They stated they will check my references and if they are OK he will be offering me the job. 

I get a call from HR shortly after asking for my references, but state I must use my manager! 

Here’s the problem. My manager hates me. She is so petty and passive aggressive. We have had a lot of staff leave recently, and she has turned around and told them to their face all the terrible things she said in the reference check. I know she won’t have one good thing to say about me. I know she’s been trying to get rid of me, but hasn’t been able to find anything  

I want this job so bad, and essentially I’ve got it. My manager has to be my reference, but she will ruin any-chance of me getting this job. 

What do I do? 

Featured Replies

2 hours ago, JKL33 said:

Why? From the sounds of it here and elsewhere that has become very common and that in many companies they are no longer authorized to provide individual professional references. Instead HR handles the process of confirming that the employee worked there (from/to dates) and may also provide information about the employee's standing (I.e. whether they are leaving in good standing).

It's unlikely to be the first time the recruiter has dealt with a company where managers do not provide references.

I suppose that's true. It's not the managers won't or can't provide a reference it's more of they don't want to. 

Just give them your mom's number! This is your job, and you should not allow it to be TAKEN FROM YOU.

My charge nurses "manage" me.

 

  • Author
12 hours ago, JBMmom said: If you have to use your manager, find two other references that you trust and the negative reference will stick out as an outlier. 

So I talked to my manager. She had some not so nice things to say. But actually wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. 

I didn't say anything to HR, but did provide 2 other references that I know will be good, to balance out things. 

now I just have to wait. 

  • Guides

Best of luck to you. I hope you get the job. Please keep us posted as you’re able. ?

I used checkyourreference.com before and it worked great. It can cost a little. It was good to know though what past employers were saying, esp if I suspected some may be mean because I left. The service will send a legal notice to reference if they give a bad review if the info is unfounded. Mine turned out well but I didn't check all of them. Good luck! ?

17 hours ago, JKL33 said:

Remember that people like this are often big talkers. I would handle this based on my assessment of the likelihood that she is actually doing this. It is well known that slandering employees during a reference check is something that HR is worried about; it's supposedly the reason they have all moved to reporting only dates of employment and employee standing with the company. If she's making any false statements about her employees she could get the company in some hot water.

So...have these other staff been able to successfully leave or not?

Think it through. If you choose to say anything to HR at the new place, choose words carefully. My manager is [name]. I do not know whether to expect a good reference from her. I have done a good job there but she's been openly telling the staff that she says horrible things in reference checks if anyone tries to leave."

What you say is important. Be one step ahead and realize that they might be asking for manager's name just to hear what applicants say in response! "She hates me!"-- NOT GOOD. "We don't get along" -- NOT GOOD. "She has never liked me from day one!" -- NOT GOOD. Even "personality conflict" -- NOT GOOD; that sounds like both people are the problem instead of just one person who terrorizes others.

 

I disagree. 
 

Employers  and HR especially know that the biggest reason people leave their jobs is a poor relationship with their boss.

it doesn’t matter whose fault the poor relationship is. Every employer wants someone who is professional enough to understand that you don’t talk badly about your former employer when you leave. You say something that shows you are capable of being discrete and diplomatic. 

My advice to you is to directly speak to your current manager. I have applied for a job at blankety hospital. Are you able to give me a reference? If she starts going off about all the terrible things she intends to say, document that and report it to your HR department as hostile work environment.

HR will straighten her out.

A friend was once in a similar situation. She used this service a few times called Allison & Taylor Inc. https://www.allisontaylor.com/ Their site says:

"Find out precisely what a past employer will say about you, giving yourself employment guidance and peace of mind. We make actual phone calls to your former bosses & HR. Conducted discreetly, our reference check process gives your reference's word-for-word commentary, viewable in your private, secure online account. Over 53% of those called do NOT HONOR POLICY."

-------

It costs about $79 but sounds worth it to me not to be blindsided by a vengeful manager. She said she had a fast turnaround time and a very complete report as to what was said. I am not affiliated in any way with this company. Just a thought. I wish you the best!

This is why you mark "no" to the application question "may we contact your current employer"...most places know that marking "no" prevents a lot of hassle at your current employer should they find out you're job hunting.

So...you mark "no" to the question and provide a couple of professional and a couple of personal references that will support your endeavors

On 8/11/2021 at 4:58 AM, FolksBtrippin said:

HR will straighten her out.

You have more faith in HR than I do. Have you lucked out and had particularly good experiences during your career?

2 hours ago, Jedrnurse said:

You have more faith in HR than I do. Have you lucked out and had particularly good experiences during your career?

No. But HR is not going to let a manager put the company in danger of a lawsuit. They will educate her about what she can and can’t say in a reference. That I’m sure of. I had a manager who absolutely hated me. I put her down as a reference all the time. She doesn’t say anything about me at all and refers the matter to HR who report my hire date and termination date and nothing else. 

I would list the manager but include a colleague as well. When asked, just say that you would prefer the colleague to provide a reference as they have worked alongside you and know your ethic, whereas the manager seemed to have many responsibilities and could not focus entirely on your performance as it is a busy unit, etc.

Do you know if references are collected by phone or by an anonymous survey with questions to mark and a box to complete if desired for "additional information"? 

In some states, if references are false the candidate can sue for slander. Many companies have imposed a 'no references rule' for managers and HR will provide hire date and job title only. I usually never provided a phone reference (who knows who is really on the phone) but if it was an excellent employer moving out of state etc I gave a generous review due to those circumstances.

Definitely submit a copy of your last excellent evaluation (or at least have it ready). 

Some places will accept reviews from a shift manager instead of a unit manager. Especially true if working a night shift with limited unit manager contact. Worth a try to ask if that would be acceptable plus a copy of your last evaluation. 

 

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Add a Comment

Currently Reading 0

  • No registered users viewing this page.

Account

Navigation

Search

Search

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.