We lost a mom

SwinkerDoodleRN · Jun 4, 2005

I am sure you did everything that you could. It is normal for you to feel the way you feel. The best advice that I, or anyone could give you is to lay your troubles at Gods' feet. He wants to bear your burdens. Let him know how you feel and I hope you can deal with this pain in a timely manner. God Bless You.

I work in a high risk antepartum unit. On Wednesday night one of the pts was suddenly in excruciating pain. She squeezed my hands so tight, they started to go numb.
A resident came up and examined her but couldn't determine what was causing the pain. They took her to L&D and did a stat c-section. Coming out of anesthesia, she failed the neuro checks. They did a CAT scan and found a large brain bleed. She went to ICU and yesterday they took her off the vent and she died within 15 minutes. She was 34 yrs old.
I'm in shock. I can't believe she died. She was with us in AP with PROM for almost two months. She was such a sweet lady and a champion knitter. The pile of baby blankets is still in her room. She is survived by her husband, several young children and her newborn baby.
The doctors have said there was nothing that could have done to prevent this, but I can't help thinking about that night and wondering if there was anything I could have done differently.
I am so sad and keep wanting to cry. This is the first pt I have lost who wasn't elderly or terminally ill.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jun 4, 2005

I'm so sorry your patient died, Laura. :crying2:

z's playa · Jun 4, 2005

I'm so sorry you had to experience this. My prayers will go to her and her family.

Z

OntCaRPN · Jun 4, 2005

I too struggle with the sorrow of patients dying before they've had a full life. I gather much comfort from knowing that God has a plan even if I can't see it.

Go ahead and cry but don't second guess yourself.

suzy253, RN · Jun 4, 2005

I'm so very sorry.

Marijke · Jun 4, 2005

I am so sorry, this is such a big thing. The grief is very real. I think your unit should probably have a meeting and talk about what happened. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time. I would love to give you a hug and cry with you (I have been in the same situation), consider this a long distance hug.

Marijke

SmilingBluEyes · Jun 5, 2005

Wow I am so sorry. I agree; there needs to be a "debriefing" on the unit ASAP to discuss what happened. This should include those involved w/this lady's care----nurses, surgeon, doctors, etc. The sooner the better. It sounds to me, no one could have done anything to save this lady's life. She was very sick-----a problem unknown to anyone til it was too late.

Just know, the feelings you have are NORMAL----guilt, self-doubt, anger, resentment, deep sadness. PLEASE talk about them to someone face-to-face, be it a social worker the hospital provides for debriefing or personal counseling. You will probably suffer some post-traumatic stress symptoms. That is to be expected. You may have sleep disturbances, trouble eating and doing normal daily activities. All normal. But DO get help soon------your mental health is important here.

Again, I am deeply sorry. Please accept my thoughts and prayers for you and that unfortunate lady's family. She just died too soon, too suddenly.

Nurseismade RN · Jun 5, 2005

Dear LauraLou,

My heartfelt prayers to you and the family of the Mom that passed.

I got really teary reading this. It reminded me of when as a new unit coordinator in NICU a baby died. I cried. :crying2: I have since got somewhat stronger. I will be a new nursing student in the fall, I think this part will be the hardest to deal with. The positive side is that there is more positive outcomes than negative.

prmenrs, RN · Jun 5, 2005

There is no crisis that happens in L&D that is as horrendous as when a mom dies. NONE. No matter what the cause, the entire division (L&D, pp, nursery) is just blown away.

SBE is right. The unit needs a debriefing, involving anyone, (nurses, clerks, docs, etc) who was involved w/her care. This provides an opportunity for closure. This was a special mom and it sounds like you all had a special relationship w/her. It needs to be acknowledged.

You might also think of a Memorial Service, or a piece of artwork in your unit dedicated to her memory.

Know that you are in our prayers!

rpbear · Jun 5, 2005

I am so very sorry to hear of this womans untimely death. My heart goes out to you, her family and your unit. Our unit lost a young lady about 2 years ago and everyone still remembers it like it was yesterday, she actually died in our OR. You will never forget this and you shouldn't. Your unit needs to greive her loss. I think prmenrs has a great suggestion with a memorial in her honor.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and all that have been touched by this event.

suzanne4, RN · Jun 5, 2005

I agree with a debriefing for the staff as soon as possible. The sooner the better, and for the entire staff that was involved in her care. You will find it very beneficial to all of you.

Sorry for your loss........... :balloons: