This patient really got to me :-(

[cindyloowho]

I have been working in pediatrics for a long time, but only got into nursing not too long ago. I started a new job in pediatrics on the oncology floor and while I am still on orientation, I already know that I will love it! However, I had this one patient the other day that really has tugged at my heart strings and I am finding myself tearing up randomly, being kept up at night some, and just overall perseverating about this sweet little child who didn't deserve to get the diagnosis he did.

He might be okay (not like a terminal brain cancer or anything) but it's an aggressive cancer and he will have to fight like mad this next year. He will be getting some of the most awful side effect inducing meds and will just be so sick for so long, it makes me so angry for him and his family!

I think that I am so upset about this little boy because I see a lot of my son in him, and everyone has always warned me that it is harder when you see your own children in your patients. Has anyone experienced this kind of emotion, and if so, what did you do to take care of yourself? I am assuming that it will fade in time but I am sure I will see him on the floor again in the next year, and while part of me wants to follow up with him to see him get better, another part of me is worried that if I keep seeing him and I witness bad times for him, it will eat away at my soul.

[tryingtohaveitall]

I am going to guess that EVERY parent in pediatrics has had a case like this, and many aunts/uncles, etc has as well. Some will especially touch your heart and while it's difficult, you have to distance your emotions, at least at work. In general, it does get easier overall but there will always be those...

My low point ever (hopefully forever) was when I was in the trauma room and a 4 yo boy came in full arrest after a drowning. Drowning's always been a huge fear of mine for my kids and initially we didn't have a name on him. Having a yo son at home, I was worried it would be my son. While it wasn't, when the flight nurses rolled him in, CPR still in progress, he had the same name as my son. Ugh, I can never retell that story without the tears coming and it's been 6.5 years. Once the code was called and I was no longer needed, I excused myself. It just hit too close to home.

Anyway, I realize this may be a patient you will see often, and you might not have the luxury of not being his nurse. What you can do to comfort yourself is ensure that he gets the best possible care each and every time you are his nurse.

Hope my babbling makes sense after a long week. God bles

[cindyloowho]

Thank you for your reply...it feels good just to talk about it. I will be doing a lot of learning in the near future, and I will surely begin to develop some coping skills. l will find some comfort in doing what you just said ; giving him and his family the best care possible :-)