The graceful boot and career guidance...

[Seohyun]

Hi everyone!

I was just wondering what everyone's opinions are regarding money and career opportunity as well as people chugging through the financial difficulties; other challenges also include social well-being and happiness.

I was kicked out of nursing school (not for misconduct, excess partying or lack of hard work) but for other reasons I am not planning to discuss yet. My feelings switch between: relief, mostly depression, fear, acceptance.

What I wanted to know is how do people get through paying for their education and asserting independence?

Right now, my parents are paying for my education. As insane as my parents are, my parents love me and I love them too (and I am in the process of executing plan B by working with counselors to get issues sorted out and then telling my parents I got kicked out but still present them with a back up plan). Even if they are upset, I know they will eventually get over it. I've been crying a lot lately.

How do I deal with the guilt of having my education pay for? Right now, I am trying to figure out a way to pay for my own expenses (all of it, not just some) and education, even though my parents insist. But I also lack the confidence to do so (working with counsellors atm). The culture I grew up in, adult children can live with their parents and is seen as socially acceptable.

I loved a lot of the instructors at my school, and I respect them. Still do. I don't like some of the policies though. Still don't. (Ie. one student was hospitalized and when she returned, she had to be on a learning contract. Which is a bit harsh, IMHO. And ironic, in a field where nurses are seen as empathetic or compassionate, I felt the school should be more compassionate to her situation while she was recovering.)

So to all you people who have grown wisdom by experience or you are just generally intelligent, what advice do you give for people in emerging adulthood who is struggling to find a career?

In my personal case, I am not an average student. I have been getting contradicting results on exams (regarding my abilities). I score a good aptitude for math, but then I failed math in high school. People tell me I am good in English, but then I get poor scores on essays and deemed to have reading comprehension problems. My cousellor is looking into it. My brain is one hot mess.

[Seohyun]

Btw, has anyone ever heard of Alan Watts?

"Life is like a music composition, we are suppose to sing along or dance while the music is being played."

-Alan Watts

My brother is in year 2 of nursing school for BSN, he's going to make decent money if he graduates. As of the moment, he has complained about it and contemplated quitting. He kind of got into a fight with my mom (she pays for our education and she's not happy with him). He applied to nursing school in pursuit of the money; it seems to be backfiring on him. Not to mention, he never really had a caring personality to begin with.

I noticed that he went through similar stages of people hating nursing:

1) "This isn't so bad, I don't mind nursing but I don't like it."

2) "I can go into nurse practitioner; then I won't put up with x crap."

3) "I don't like this, I wished I was in a different field but I already put a lot of effort."

Basically, I noticed he's rationalizing things. Right now, I am in a tough situation. None of my siblings are happy with their fields... why? My parents have pushed each one of them (and me) to go into health science for the job security and money. Though, I think I may have been the only one who has expressed an intrinsic motivation to pursue health science (my sister thinks I merely have just convinced myself). My brother is at the highest risk for burnout, he didn't think it through when he applied for nursing school and did it to imitate another sibling. And now is wanting to quit.

Despite whatever happens, I want to be able to make good money for a couple of reasons. I want to be able to pay my parents back the money they've invested in me, or express it by paying for my younger brother's education and I want to make sure that my parents, well into old age, can adequately access drugs required and be comfortable.

I worry about them a lot. My parents drive me crazy because they never do anything healthy for themselves and neglect themselves; to be honest, is also one of the reasons I am scared of moving out. My mom and dad does awful things, they may be adults, but I get controlling of them every time I get worried. I get angry at them, and say things like "Mom, why didn't you take a taxi while your car is being towed?" (She'd rather walk in cold weather than pay for a taxi ride, park ways away from a mall in dead winter than to pay 2 dollars for parking). I mean seriously, if she'd get pnemnonia, she would be paying bigger bucks. Other issues I've been having is that my mom is constantly opening my letters, taking care of the paperwork without my knowledge and only telling me to sign papers after she opened them. Issue after issue after issue.

She still tries and clean my room... which really wastes more time. My room is my personal space and I function better in it somewhat messy (am not like this with more public areas of a house nor in my homework organization). When she "organizes" and "cleans up" (I am clean, just messy in my own room), I spend more time looking for items. I hate it when she does chores for me, and then complains about how I am lazy. I am also figuring out ways to move out. She digs through my purses, constantly takes important cards out of my wallet for "safekeeping" and rearrange important items, rendering me confused. Then when I ask her about it, it was because I was "messy" and lost things even though she changed placement spots.

My dad had a bursted vein in the eye. It was red and looked serious... he didn't even want to go to the doctor. GRR. What really stinks is that they are still telling me what to do; I am 20. I take better care of myself than they do of themselves, why do they get to tell me what to do when they can't even model healthy habits?

Anyway, I just had to get this off my chest. Life is hard.

As of this moment, I'd rather be in debt knowing I have sound and not so dysfunctional family (parents and siblings).

If you've read through this, I seriously thank you in advance and I appreciate any input.

[Seohyun]

My apologies for any writing errors.