UTMB essay application question and help

[Jules81, BSN, RN]

I am applying to UTMB for Fall '17. I will be applying for Spring '18 as a back up and the application opens up within the next two weeks. I was pretty confident in the way I wrote my essay but now I'm second guessing the essay I wrote. I took the approach of not writing in a traditional "My name is Julie and I always wanted to be a nurse" simply because this isn't true. This is a career shift for me from being a middle school science teacher for the last 10 years. Additionally I thought writing in a narrative format would be something that would stick out as different. I'm going to post my first essay and I would gladly appreciate feedback from nurses who have been successfully admitted that had to write an essay as a part of their admission process. I think the essay can really help where I'm an average candidate otherwise. Thank you so much for your time.

Essay:

As I sat in the quiet waiting room, mindlessly flipping through a magazine I stared at the words on the page, Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.” – Mademoiselle Coco” Chanel. My husband, deeply haunted by multiple combat tours had demanded a divorce, so there I was waiting to speak to an attorney about a divorce I didn't want and realized I had spent years beating on a wall.

The years leading to that moment as young mother and military wife I stayed home with my children, pursued my Bachelor's Degree, and volunteered. Living at Fort Bragg, NC I was a Family Readiness Group (FRG) coordinator for a field artillery unit. Serving military families was an exceptional learning experience, similar only to working as guardian ad litem years' prior and was deeply impacted by both of these roles. Challenging times as a military spouse resulted in incomplete coursework, affecting my GPA negatively. Revisiting these classes as an adult learner and driven by clarity, I fully invested in the second chance at the classes realizing the foundation they offered.

As one always asking questions, reading – teaching seemed like a perfect fit. I was excited about the prospect of inspiring a young mind, and, having a keen interest in the subject, I set my heart on teaching science.

Teaching opened my eyes to yet another perspective - through the eyes of a child. I saw firsthand how overwhelming it can be to learn and apply more information than we will ever know what to do. I quickly realized information overload smothered my students desire to learn, and once overwhelmed effectively teaching them became almost impossible.

These experiences also taught me tenacity, to stick with really hard things, like graduate school, aggressive cervical cancer treatment (diagnosed shortly after my divorce), and teaching in the public school system. I learned that I loved each student and that not all my students loved me back. Despite what seemed like challenge after challenge, I stuck it out.

After earning a second Master's degree, guided by mentors, with a strong personal and professional network in place, I began applying for advancement opportunities. Assured that I was well positioned, the vacancies were filled, but not by me. Once again, beating on a window, waiting for it to turn into a door.

It wasn't until I sat in another quiet waiting room, hoping to hear good news from the operating room where my mother was deathly ill, I watched as my father was in shock. Her condition had taken a turn and seeking comfort in the distraction, I scrolled through news articles, and along the side noticed an ad for Amazon's perfumania” including a picture of Chanel No. 5. Remembering the comfort I found in the last waiting room, I Googled Coco Chanel quotes.” On Brainyquotes.com I found her quote, Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.” I realized later, inspired by these words, that the past ten years of teaching had led me right where I needed to be. I hadn't pursued the wrong career at all, and that teaching positioned me to care better for those during their times of need by teaching them also. Even the most educated and experienced needed advocates, take my dad, scared as he was faced with an overwhelming amount of information throughout her follow on procedures and lengthy recovery, suffering constant setbacks. It was during this time, acting as her caregiver that I advocated for my mother and supported my entire family by offering information in an understandable way, enabling us to support the treatment plan established together with her medical team. Through this, I was inspired to pursue a significant career change nursing, while still being able to teach.

I am incredibly excited to pursue a career as a nurse realizing every profession has its difficulties, I have always been one to rise to the challenge. Undertaking the important responsibilities will be difficult, no doubt, but I feel by following my heart I will fulfill chance after chance to continuously learn, teach, and care, making a meaningful difference through hard work and sacrifice.

[N. Maren]

Don't second-guess yourself! This is wonderful. Admissions committees see tons and tons of "I always wanted to be a nurse because I enjoy helping people" essays all the time, and from candidates with much less experience than you. You will soon realize that nursing school is all about shaping thought processes and you gave them exactly that -- your thought process for wanting to pursue a career in nursing. Your essay comes across as carefully thought out (important!! as many people go into nursing without fully understanding what it entails), mature, and, of course, well-written. You did a wonderful job of telling your unique story and it will definitely stand out to the admissions committee.

Best of luck!

[Jules81, BSN, RN]

Thank you for your response. It makes me feel better about it. I just started looking for example essays to see if I was on the right track and mine was really different from what I was seeing so I started getting nervous. Glad to know it's not totally off.