our sweet elders

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN · Apr 17, 2015

If you witness someone emotionally abusing a vulnerable person in a grocery store or any other venue, find the manager, or a police officer and let them handle it.

mvm2 · Apr 17, 2015

Oh I agree I would not actually go after a person but just wishing I could give them a peice of my mind. And I would not consider what he said to her as verbal abuse. He was just saying things to her in a harsh tone.

Anonymous865 · Apr 17, 2015

I hate to see anyone treated unkindly especially a vunerable person like the elderly, a child, the mentally challenged.

Unfortunately the man probably learned that behavior as a child.

What you witnessed may have been how that sweet elderly woman treated her parents when her son was a child.

It may have been how that sweet elderly woman treated her son when she took him grocery shopping when he was a child.

He could have been just a bad person.

When my mother was hospitalized for 2 weeks and was very confused and difficult several of the nursing staff commented on how kind I was to my mother and how sweet my voice was when speaking to her. I responded that it was easy because that was how she had always treated us when we were growing up.

Months later when she was home I went to take her for a vaccination (flu or shingles or something), she told me "I don't want to get a vaccination."

Without even thinking I responded, "I didn't ask if you wanted a vaccination. I told you that you are getting a vaccination."

Mom laughed and replied, "I'm going to really regret saying that to you when I took you for vaccinations!"

I then realized that was exactly the conversation mom and I had when I had to get a shot as a child.

Parents teach their children how to treat others. Obviously your parents did a good job on you.

kungpoopanda · Apr 17, 2015

You don't know the back story. Mind your own business and don't be a judgemental ass.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Apr 17, 2015

I could just tell this man had to bring his mother to the store and was not in a good mood to do it.

Back when this seemingly sweet elderly lady was a young mother, she may or may not have:

1. Psychologically abused her son when he was a child. Perhaps she told him he was a stupid, worthless and would never amount to anything.

2. Neglected her son when he was a child. Perhaps when he was a little boy, he spent stretches of time without food, water, clean clothing, or attention.

3. Physically abused her son when he was a child. She might have put lit cigarettes out on his arms. She might have beaten him with a horsewhip or electrical cord.

4. She might have silently looked the other way when a biological father or stepfather sexually abused him.

The son is in a tough position because he appears to be a reluctant caregiver. We do not know the backstory. Not everyone has the capacity to forgive and turn the other cheek.

Libby1987 · Apr 17, 2015

Having met so many families with sad dynamics and knowing that crappy people grow old like anyone else, I know that there is a percentage that were abusive and/or neglectful spouses and parents.

But I'd like to think this guy was raised by loving parents and is just plain ole tired and impatient shopping with his dependent mother and nothing more.

proud nurse, BSN, RN · Apr 17, 2015

I agree it can be upsetting to see our vulnerable populations being treated unkindly. No one really knows why this man spoke harshly to his mother. My parents are 80 yrs old. They both would benefit from hearing aids. I have to repeat myself constantly when speaking to them. It gets frustrating and old. For all I know someone could detect harshness in my voice, but would they suspect I have been out with them all day and have repeated sentences 60 times between the 2 of them? My parents move slower than they used to. I'd rather tell mom or dad to move to the side so someone can get by, before a stranger bumps into them nearly knocking them over, or says something rude. Because then we might have a problem...

Red Kryptonite · Apr 17, 2015

You don't know the back story. Mind your own business and don't be a judgemental ass.

Really?

nrsang97, BSN, RN · Apr 17, 2015

My grandma is 91 with dementia and is VERY HOH and will not wear her hearing aids. Sometimes we sound harsh like we are yelling at her. Well we are but only so she will hear us. We don't intend to be harsh, but after repeating something for the 85th (I know exaggerating) time we sound frustrated.

She also tends to pick fights with my son who is 5. He will be playing with his toys, and has to repeatedly tell her to stop picking up his toys while he is playing. Finally I have to intervene and make her leave him alone. So yes I may sound harsh but I am frustrated she is picking a fight with him.

I really don't want to sound harsh, but sometimes the frustration comes out. Most of the time when grandma will not leave my son alone I separate them and give her something to do. She just wants to feel like she is helping me keep the house clean.

RNperdiem, RN · Apr 17, 2015

I pictured an alternate scene. A man is pushing his cart down the aisle. His children are meandering slowly down the middle of the aisle blocking anyone else from passing. Would people be upset if he asked them to step to the side to let others pass? Even if he sounded snappish "kids there is someone behind you-move"?

NanaPoo · Apr 17, 2015

Back when this seemingly sweet elderly lady was a young mother, she may or may not have:
1. Psychologically abused her son when he was a child. Perhaps she told him he was a stupid, worthless and would never amount to anything.
2. Neglected her son when he was a child. Perhaps when he was a little boy, he spent stretches of time without food, water, clean clothing, or attention.
3. Physically abused her son when he was a child. She might have put lit cigarettes out on his arms. She might have beaten him with a horsewhip or electrical cord.
4. She might have silently looked the other way when a biological father or stepfather sexually abused him.
The son is in a tough position because he appears to be a reluctant caregiver. We do not know the backstory. Not everyone has the capacity to forgive and turn the other cheek.

Or she was a fantastic mother and he still turned out to be an a-hole. It happens.