Starting the trek and looking for some guidance (TLDR warning)

[champagneferret]

I'm new to these forums, and this is my first post. As I have been moving through my BSN prerequisites, I've lurked these forums for answers that sometimes surprised me. I have to say, the range of opinions and viewpoints here are astounding. I haven't read anything yet that sounded condescending or uneducated.

Like many people who enter the nursing profession, I didn't see myself doing this as a child. I didn't even see myself nursing or even acknowledge the profession until the most recent six months. I was originally hell bent on being a doctor. My father has been practcing as a dentist for a couple years now, and seeing the progress of his ordeal only made me more determined.

Well, things didn't go as expected. Last summer, after a few years of screaming, suicide threats and heart break, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. This happened when I insisted I be tested after learning more about psychiatric conditions in an introductory psychology course. Just before all of this, I had been hospitalized three times for either suicidal ideation or attempt/gesture. I have since had my treatment tailored to a fine a degree.

During that entire process, though, I realized how awful medical doctors can be. One of my first interviews with a psychiatrist started with "Okay, so what's your problem?" There was even a time where I had swallowed 52 40mg prozac tablets. As I lay on my bed in the ER, a nurse compassionately asked me what was wrong and what had happened. I explained that I had simply wanted ti prove a point to those who didn't take me seriously (this is stupid logic, I realize now). Despite how foolish my actions had been, she showed no signs of being unempathetic. In fact, I felt satisfied and mildly happy that someone had taken the time to listen to me. In the next second, the emergency physician entered the room and asked what the situation was. The nurse said "She took prozac pills..." The doctor seemed unsurprised and uninterested, "but she wasn't trying to kill herself" she finished. I will never forget the look on that doctor's face as he turned to me, looked down, and almost yelled "But you took 52 pills!" I was disgusted with him, but sought solace in the surprisingly competent and kind nurses that watched me for the next four hours. They brought phines to me to talk to my sister. They came when I asked for them on the intercom. They were even comoassionate and explanatory when I complained about being hungry and wanting to go home. One of them even got my mobile gaming console for me so I wouldn't be stranded in that room after my boyfriend left. I never forgot those nurses that night. In fact, it remains my story of inspiration on nursing.

Actually, a woman I admire very much is an APRN. She reminds me litfle of myself, actually. I was surprised at the turns she took with my psychotropic meds. She never gave up on me, and she set the law down when she had to. There were two incidents that she threated to stop my treatment, if I did not comply with other parts of my treatment, such as therapy and keeping promises to be safe. My medications haven't started to look good until the past couple of months. When I reported my depression, anxiety and irritability levels after a month on my latest medication, she actually quietly cheered and gave my mother and I hugs before we left the office.

But, now that I'm through walking down memory lane. I'll get to my point. As I read more about the nursing profession, I find that there are things about it that I despise and things I can't get enough of. I love my prerequisites. A and P was a blast, so was microbiology. I am eager to take pathophysiology and pharmacology next semester.

But then there are the parts that I don't think I can handle. This may sound stupid, but I am petrified of vomit. I flinch at the slightest complaint of nausea from others. I also don't know what to expect when interacting with doctors. Will I be put down and regarded as "just a nurse"? I have already experienced judgement from people who seem to think that I have "lowered my standards". I feel like that judgement will sting even worse once I start working as a nurse, because that's what I aspired to be I the first place. Will my work be reduced to giving sponge baths and changing adult's diapers? I want to think as I work. I can't stand not being able to stretch intellectually. I don't want to stare at a comatose patient for my entire shift. I want to be told "Hey, your shift is done. Go home" because I simply lost track of time.

Allnurses, tell me your opinions! Correct my misconceptions. Counsel me. I want to hear opinions from someone who understands where I am coming from.

Thank you.

[Fireman767]

well, that is quite a story. I will not lie, nursing school is quite a bit of heartbreak and upsetting times. Its not easy, requires plenty of time to do well. Vomit can be a common thing, depending where you work, and you will probably encounter it at least once during schooling. changing diapers and such is common during the introductory level of nursing, even done during the later levels depending on where you go. As far as the bipolar goes, you would need to see how it affects you. I do have a fellow nursing student who left the program because of it (during some clinical days and class sessions she wasnt in the right mindset, and the rotation instructor felt she may put the patient at risk), but thats because she couldnt control herself and her bipolar. Thats not true of all bipolar nursing students or nurses, im sure there are some who excel in NS and nursing.

[champagneferret]

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond! It's actually nice to know that there are others out there in a similar situation to mine.

[ScientistSalarian]

Since you're new to AN I would suggest poking around the forums a bit - I think you might find the answers you're looking for, or at least some insight into what nursing students and working nurses in various fields go through.

Yes, you're probably going to have to deal with vomit at some point. The odds of you having to give a sponge bath or change a diaper? Pretty good (at least as a student). You will have nauseous patients and will be expected to help them without flinching. Will you be "looked down upon" by doctors and the world at large for being "just a nurse?" Lol, there are many threads here with discussions along those very lines, again I'd encourage you to stick around and read a bit more. I know you're worried about nursing not being "intellectually stimulating" enough but you have to realize that the world of nursing encompasses a great number of areas of specialization, each with various degrees and certifications to work toward. If ongoing education is your thing, you'll probably never be at a loss. But to get to that higher level, yeah, there's going to be some vomit/poop/blood/naked old people involved. I'd keep looking into it (or better yet, do some volunteering and job shadowing) to get a clearer idea of where your best fit would be. Good luck!