Should I Quit Nursing?

[Newgurl17, CNA, LPN]

Hey everyone,

I've been working as an LPN in a long term care facility for 8 months now and have been thinking of quitting nursing.

I went into nursing in the first place because when we had to choose our careers in high school, I didn't know what to choose, and my mom of course being of Filipino descent suggested that I be a nurse. I also didn't want to end up like my brothers who didn't know what to do with their lives, so I made that quick decision.

My goal was to get into a RN program in my city, but my grades were too low and I didn't have any volunteer experience, clue/hint number 1 that I shouldn't have tried to become a nurse. #2, I've been shy my entire life. The only thing I knew about nurses at the time was that they administered medications, took care of people, could specialize, and made a lot of money, the money part was probably why I pursued nursing and probably another clue that I should not have pursued nursing.

Because of the lack of volunteer experience and low grades, I wasn't qualified to get into any RN programs. After graduating high school in June of 2013, I think all I did was try to get some volunteer experience in. I then decided, with my mom, that I would do the LPN program first before enrolling in the RN program and started school in January of 2014.

My school was not great, there were complaints about the nurse coordinator about how she was teaching us and there was another instructor who was just flat out giving the answers away to her students. I was the youngest student at the time, being 18. Prior to going to school, I didn't even have work experience. I was probably the worst student in my class because I was sometimes late on my assignments and had to re-write tests, another clue that I probably shouldn't have continued on with nursing. I found it hard to ask questions in class, and I always found this hard in school. I was always afraid of asking dumb questions and fearing that others would laugh at me for this.

I performed poorly in my acute care clinical, clue #5, and had to re-do my last semester. After having re-done my fourth and final semester, my program coordinator decided not to put me through to the acute care clinical, and suggested that I start over in the second semester, which I did... Clue #6? She thought I wasn't ready for acute care yet and not only was I upset, but all my classmates were upset as well.

I finally went on my acute care clinical and after that was told that I wouldn't be moving on to my preceptorship and was withdrawn from the program, clue #7. Again, in consultation with my parents, I decided to move schools because I was so close in receiving my LPN diploma, so I got accepted into another school where I didn't do well in some of my tests and acute care clinical, but I did go on my preceptorship this time, clue #8.

I was the only person in my class who was not sent to acute care for my preceptorship and was sent to long term care where I apparently excelled, but I was NOT doing ALL the work, only MOST of it like, for instance, I had 22 residents to give medications to but my preceptor was giving medications to a few of these residents. I was probably only doing most of the work as per the facility's policy for precepting students? I could understand why I was only doing most of the work, I mean, after all, I was working under someone else's license, right?

I didn't give the pharmacy a call, or ask the receptionist if there were any faxes. When a resident had to be somewhere and his dressing needed to be changed, my preceptor changed the dressing. During nurse debrief meetings, my preceptor was the one doing all the talking and most of the time, my preceptor was telling me what to chart or what to say when emailing other members of the healthcare team. I didn't initiate conversations with the CNA's. I wasn't sure how I was doing so I asked my preceptor and she said that I was doing fine. She told my college director that she had no concerns and that I was going to be a good nurse.

I then started working in a long term care facility where I had good reviews from my orientation nurses but have really been struggling on my own and have been having self-doubts, wondering if it's even worth it to stay in the profession because taking care of human life is a lot of pressure and something that I've never even dreamed of doing...clue #9. But then again, I spent all my time and money trying to be a nurse and I am about $30-31000 Canadian in student loan debt. Now that I'm done school, I just want to buy a car and move out. After 5 months, things felt easier and I was noticing a difference in how my CNA's were talking to me and they even wanted me to apply for a temporary part time line on one of the units! But now i dont even want to go back to work.

SO with having said all this, should someone like me in this situation just do everyone a favour and find something else to do?