Published Jul 9, 2002
THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to
tell the difference.
Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered....
ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling
FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.
SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?
SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.
TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been
THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is
when you're in the bathroom.
FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put
them on my knees.
FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?
SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm
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