Seeking Critique: FNP Personal Statement

[QueenBeeSN]

Hi everyone!

So I am in the midst of applying for graduate school. My grad school requires a personal statement addressing: why I became a nurse, why I want to become an FNP, and how I will improve patient outcomes as an FNP.

This is my second draft, and I have not had anyone review it yet. So any and all help/suggestions/critiques are WELCOMED!

Thank you for reading ?

I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom - how great is that?� – Soledad O'Brien

As I prepare my application for the Family Nurse Practitioner (FNP) program at ********, I reflect back on the paths I have taken that have led to my pursuit of a graduate degree. I entered university at 17-years-old, ignorant to the reality of being an independent adult and completely unprepared for what lie ahead. I chose nursing not because I knew what nurses actually did, not because I had family members who were nurses, not because I had dreamed of becoming a nurse since I was four years old; I chose nursing because I only knew that I wanted my work to involve helping people, and I sincerely believed that by obtaining my degree in nursing, I could improve the lives of the people in my community.

I submerged myself in my coursework and focused on where I excel, achieving good grades. I was accepted into the Bachelor of Science in Nursing program at *********** and entered at the young age of 19. I was awestruck. I was not only overwhelmed with the intense workload that my theoretical courses brought, but astounded by the realization of what nursing is actually like. While my classmates reveled in the clinical practicums in long-term care and then in the acute care units at the local hospital, I constantly questioned the decision I had made.

It was not that I did not enjoy many aspects of nursing. I absolutely loved my time with patients. I felt so rewarded when my patients and families would express their appreciation, when my post-operative patient would get out of bed for the first time, when my newborn patient finally latched on to his mother's breast, and any time I was able to offer solace to a suffering human being. Those small factors undoubtedly provide so many nurses with a reason to go to work every day (or night.) Those small factors are in fact not very small at all, but instead make up the foundation of nursing.

What bothered me most was the constant sense of inadequacy. I realize that skills develop with practice and incompetency fades with experience. But at the end of a shift, I was always left feeling like I could have and should have done more, even when I knew that it was physically impossible to do it all. Month after month, I would discharge patients who needed more education, more counseling, and more resources, much more than I could provide in ten minutes, much more than their insurance would cover. And then I would see the same patients readmitted to the hospital with the same problems. I spoke with fellow nursing students, my professors, and seasoned floor nurses, all who agreed with what I was witnessing and suggested that all I could do was my best. I felt utterly helpless. I questioned my ability to maintain enthusiasm in my work when I felt like a constant failure.

I had already come so close to obtaining a degree, so I persevered. But I had already accepted that I would not pursue nursing as a career. I lacked the passion that was overflowing out of the students around me, and without passion, how was I to create lasting change? I chose not to disappoint my classmates and companions with what they would surely see as an abysmal choice, a waste of knowledge and potential as a nurse. Instead, I silently bore the final months of nursing school with the hope of finding my true calling after graduation.

My calling came early. I was assigned to the ********* for my capstone. With a familiar mix of fear and anxiety, I arrived at my first scheduled shift just wanting to be through with it. By the end of the shift, however, I had basically made the decision to apply to graduate school.

I was lucky enough to follow a brilliant and thorough Family Nurse Practitioner who runs the ********. She expertly tested my intellect, forced me to confront my weaknesses, and involved me in a lot more than I expected from an outpatient setting. One of the most important tasks in which I participated at ********* was delivering health education. As health care shifts from a disease treatment model to a disease prevention and health promotion model, patient education is becoming perhaps the most crucial component to improving patient outcomes. So many of the chronic conditions that afflict our communities can be confronted through proper education and lifestyle modifications to reduce complications.

This glimpse into the role of an FNP has been life changing. The dread that I carried with me throughout nursing school has vanished, replaced with the exciting prospect of following the path to becoming a FNP. A post-graduate education at ************* will provide me with the essential tools to not only provide compassionate care for my patients, but to also empower them to be involved in their care to produce outstanding results.

What I look forward to most is sitting down with my patients, developing trusting relationships, discussing with them their lives, families, and health concerns. I will laugh with them, I will console them when they cry, and I will take as much time as required to provide them with the resources they need to take control of their health. Some of these patients will be perfectly healthy and normal, some will be chronically ill, and some will be suffering acute conditions. I will welcome them every time they come back for a visit, and I will not think of it as a failure, but as a milestone on the path toward well being. I know that I will not always be successful, and the demands of my career will be tremendous. I will encounter many people who are unwilling to change. I will deal with the hurdles of serving a rural community, its minority populations, and a vast array of health disparities. But I know that I will do all of these things with the passion and dedication required to improve the lives of people in my community.

[KatRNBSN2014]

The bulk of it is a bit negative: I hear a lot of dissatisfaction about your experience in learning to be a registered nurse.

How will being a FNP improve upon your dissatisfaction? When you shadowed the FNP what specifically changed your mind? What do you look forward to most about being an FNP? What patient population excites you most? I'd like to hear more positive statements and more elaboration about your experience shadowing. There are 3-4 paragraphs about your dissatisfaction and one about your experience with FNP.

Maybe you shorten what you didn't like about nursing and add in some more positive statements about "how you will improve patient outcomes as an FNP."

[QueenBeeSN]

The bulk of it is a bit negative: I hear a lot of dissatisfaction about your experience in learning to be a registered nurse.

How will being a FNP improve upon your dissatisfaction? When you shadowed the FNP what specifically changed your mind? What do you look forward to most about being an FNP? What patient population excites you most? I'd like to hear more positive statements and more elaboration about your experience shadowing. There are 3-4 paragraphs about your dissatisfaction and one about your experience with FNP.

Maybe you shorten what you didn't like about nursing and add in some more positive statements about "how you will improve patient outcomes as an FNP."

Thanks, KatRNBSN2014, for your insight. I read it over with your perspective in mind and I do see that the negativity is a bit overpowering. I was writing from the heart and trying to make it sound genuine, but I don't want to come across like a dissatisfied pessimist! Just an enlightened person who went through a different journey than most of others that I know.

I will try and work in some of the points you mentioned to strengthen the end.

Thank you!!

[edmia, BSN, RN]

Agree with shortening your doubts during undergrad.

Also, you have many grammatical errors, especially verb tense agreement. Have someone with great writing skills help you with this. Each paragraph should stick to one topic and that is introduced in the topic sentence. Also, use more active voice and cut back on words like "astonished" and so on. Sounds like you're trying to sound smarter...

I edit papers all the time, so these things jump out at me. I'm not trying to be negative, just wanted you to have honest feedback.

And remember, reflective writing is not a confession. It's about taking stock of your skills and weaknesses and making a plan for change.

Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck

[QueenBeeSN]

And remember, reflective writing is not a confession. It's about taking stock of your skills and weaknesses and making a plan for change.

Thank you, edmia, for the honest feedback. I know I can get kind of wordy in my writing. I'll try to cut the "smart" words out.

I'm not sure I understand the last thing you said here though...

[edmia, BSN, RN]

I meant that when you write this, don't use it as a way to pour your feelings out. Some feelings of course are good to show, but what's more important for graduate school readiness is that you show insight into your growth as a professional up to this point and where you want to go from here. Hope this makes more sense.

And you have most of your material already. You just need to edit some parts down and flesh out the last paragraph.

Sent from my iPhone -- blame all errors on spellcheck