"Preliminary Obituary for My Nursing Career; A Personal Dramatization"

[SunnyVet14]

Get's a little serious (and long) but I had to laugh when I wrote this to cope with the stress of job hunting....:)

As I sit in the kitchen of our home, I have a wave of sadness mingled with regret washing over my conscience. I have finally realized that my 16 year old nursing career is on comfort measures and expected to die soon! I think I felt it was coming but denial is just a natural coping mechanism. Is it too late to save it? What kept me thinking it would still be there and be healthy after quitting my last 2 jobs? I just don't know sometimes.

I talked it out with my husband this morning that we should expect this passing soon. In preparation, I tried to convey what the last several online applications flashing on the Human Resources computer screen would look like. The resume of a 14 year RN with only an ADN and BLS that didn't pursue any further education, specialties or certifications is like a resume that's in in a coma according to the HR dept. Other candidate's resumes flashing across the screen, such as the new grad with fresh clinical skills and insurmountable motivation or another veteran RN with ACLS cert, special endorsement of Oncology, OB, ICU, and Diabetic Education who is pursuing a Master's degree while working full time, are the picture of health in comparison to my resume at this time. A gentle shake of the head accompanied by a sigh and a few keystrokes later, the email gets delivered: "You were not selected for the position but please feel free to keep applying for other positions of interest to you."

As with any threatened, perceived and/or impending loss, one can't help reminiscing about the thing you just might lose, especially your first career. The days of the premorbid nursing career gave me the chance to contend in the world and make a difference in people's lives. We have strived together through the traumas of life and work. We have enjoyed travels to many clinical setting including the nursing home, hospital, home health and the clinic. It has withstood the resentment from wanting to stay home with a first and only child, the flood that destroyed our home, new home building, sociopathic bosses, parental divorce, disabled and ill spouse, pet death, parental deaths, bitter & damaging co-worker gossip, marital stress, a job with no off switch, PTSD from a rescue, and early to late effects of co-dependency from being part of two alcoholic households. Semi-retirement was announced a few summers ago due to ill health and to spend time with close family.

The nursing career had a code blue called during the husband's furlough a few months back and has not fully recovered due to lack of work. In fact, it's acquired circumstantial depression from the whole revival process. Even intermittent infusions of clinical data from obsolete NCLEX review manuals have not seem to make a difference. Much earlier attempts at health maintenance, such as mentioning & exploring schooling for BSN, a change in hours or clinical setting, and networking amongst peer, were unsuccessful. Gold digging charismatic inheritance thieves and a double mortgage were also contributing factors.

In spite of the recent near death experiences and a one year sabbatical, the nursing career is still alive with a thready pulse and functioning in a lower stress clinical environment. Even so, it's still necessary to begin last will and testament proceedings. The nursing career needs to appoint a DPOA to assume all decision making in the event it can no longer make reasonable and prudent decisions. The First and only named advocate is Jesus Christ, God Himself. The DPOA is now activated and the evidence for this is in the preceding narration. In lieu of flowers, money or gifts the nursing career requests as many thoughts and prayers to get through this difficult time. In the event of imminent death, the nursing career's wishes are that there be no funeral services and the survivors remember the good times and especially the life lessons learned to carry through to the next career.

Sincerely,

A Lost Nurse

[miasmom]

Hugs. Praise God. The uhh s always options.