Pinning speech-feedback please!

[cindyjo]

I have been chosen as the speaker for our commencement speech for our pinning ceremony. I am attaching a rough draft of my speech. I would appreciate any advice or positive criticism. Thank you

Welcome friends, family and loved ones. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful night with us.

There are so many people that should be thanked. All of those people are not here tonight, but it seems appropriate that a few words of gratitude should be extended to them.

We must thank our instructors. They have given so much of themselves. They unselfishly shared their wisdom, their mistakes, their best memories and finally, their knowledge with us. They saw the competent and caring nurse within us when we couldn't see that nurse ourselves. They nurtured our strengths and showed us how to improve our weaknesses. They didn't make it easy. Sometimes it felt as if we were being pushed beyond our limits, but we weren't. They laughed with us, cried with us and showed us compassion and understanding when we needed it.

Clinicals. Oh my gosh! Clinicals. Do you remember that first week? It was smelly, back breaking, tiring, eye opening and dirty, but it was amazing! By week two, we had our favorite residents and CNA's. The fifth week found us attached to a nurse who was showing us the ropes. We thanked all of them as we left their facility. I don't think any of us realized just what each of those people did for us.

The CNA's imparted their wisdom. They asked us to be kinder and better nurses. They showed us shortcuts that would have taken us years to discover on our own. There were occasions, of course, that they disappeared and left us to our own devices as call lights buzzed incessantly around us. It only made us better.

Some nurses were extraordinary teachers who guided us along our individual paths. Some were conspirators who believed we really didn't need instructors. And some were there at the perfect place and time in our practice. We learned from them. We walked away with their stories, their practice and their beliefs safely filed away until we need them again.

And that brings us to the most important part of clinicals: the clients. Those wonderful people, who allowed complete novices to poke, prod, stick and examine every orifice in their bodies. How unselfish and brave were they? How much do we owe them? A simple thank you on the way out of their room simply doesn't seem enough.

We made it! 344 days, 49 weeks or eleven months that we believed would never pass. We walked into MTI as insecure strangers. I remember looking around the room during the entrance exam and telling myself that I belonged there. I was just as capable as anyone in that room. To this day, I am not sure that I believed it.

What I did believe was that my classmates were capable of astounding feats. My classmates believed the same of me. When things were at their hardest we supported each other. I can still hear the sniffles as test scores were handed out. Quiet crying was heard a lot in Level Two. Looks of desperation and panic abounded. We watched as people gathered their things and left, never to return. It was hard. It was demanding and it has been the most satisfying year of my life.

Pizza deliveries, Taco Tuesday's, an occasional marguerita when we could find time to get together socially. Accidents, injuries, births and deaths. We made it through all of it. And there is a reason for that. A final thank you has not been issued. I would like to do that now.

Our lives have been on hold for those 344 days, 49 weeks or eleven months. Pick your number. Our families know those numbers well, if not better than we do. They have travelled this journey with us. They walked with us each step of the way. They calmed us when our panic set in. They talked us off the ledge when our despair was its most intense. They encouraged us when we didn't think we could read another line or memorize another word. They were our guinea pigs as we practiced our technique.

We cannot thank you enough for your faith in our abilities. You showed undying loyalty and love for us. Each of you sacrificed in your own way to make sure that we attained a dream that we were striving for. Thank you so very much.

My husband use to say "I'll talk to you in July, Baby." Honey, it is June 25 and we can talk about anything your heart desires.

[Race Mom, ASN, RN]

Congrats on being the MC! I was too! Your speech sounds fine. My advice is to make sure to speak at a NORMAL speed and "pause" inbetween most sentences, especially when transitioning to a new topic. My only critique is that you take out the "my, me's" and make those applicable to all. eg. " It was hard. It was demanding and it has been the most satisfying year of my life." This can read the most satisfying year of our lives.

"And there is a reason for that. A final thank you has not been issued. I would like to do that now." (We would like to do that now). BUT...you go onto another topic without the thank you. It follows after the next topic. Maybe try to condense those two paragraphs.

"

"Some were conspirators who believed we really didn’t need instructors." This just doesn't sound right.

My speech had something along these lines included:

At this time I would like to ask the Registered Nursing Graduating Class to stand. (they stood...thank goodness). Standing before you is the true definition of perserverence. (And then...yada yada yada...at some point I asked for applause for the class and their families that put up with it all)

At the very end I would say:

Ladies and Gentlemen...I proudly introduce to you the (LPN) graduating class of 2013!

Congrats again and enjoy your ceremony!!! Welcome to the crazy world of nursing!!!

Lisa