Personal Statement for Undergarduate Nursing

[cheeky13]

Hi everyone, I really need help with my personal statement.,,I am not sure if my essay is strong enough to get in to the Univeristy that I want...please feel free to comment,,,the deadline is on Nov. 30th,2010

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experiences you have had in the field--such as volunteer work, internships, and employment, participation in student organizations and activities--and what you have gained from your involvement?

When I was 9 years old I had a surgery, I remember how comforting and reassuring the nurses were. The reassurance and the competence of the nurses made me feel calm and secure. Since then, at that very young age, I wanted to be like them--I wanted to be a nurse. I have came to realize that I have desire to help people, and I feel I have the drive to train and one day to become a nurse. I want to be the one to comfort a scared little girl about to have some sort of procedure. I want to reassure an older person who is longing for care and support. My desire to help people in the field of Public Health grew more in college when I started taking science classes, such as Chemistry, Physiology and Human Anatomy. Anatomy has confirmed my genuine interests in understanding the human body and has further inspired me to learn methods to heal it. When the first time I saw a cadaver, I was amazed to discover how the muscles of our body move and what part of the brain controls each movement. With my aspirations and interests in medical field, I am confident that I will achieve my dream to become a nurse.

In October 2010, I began to volunteer at Seton Medical Center in Daly City. The environment is pleasant and welcoming. The nurses and staff that I worked with are very helpful and reliable. I see how they are very dedicated to their patients and job. I work at the nurses' station where I perform different tasks, for instance filing papers, making copies, answering call lights and relaying messages from patients to staff, answering calls at nursing station for patients, and deliveries to the microbiology lab. This is my first time volunteering at a healthcare facility, and I can say that I am fortunate to be gaining these experiences. I enjoy learning from the staff, nurses, and patients; interaction with different people every day is exciting to me because I get the chance to meet and get along with people. It is gratifying to see how patients are relaxed and calm because they know that we, the staff, are willing to do everything we can to assure that they will heal and there is nothing to worry about. It is inspiring to see how nurses develop relationships with their patients quickly and how they are eager to help and support them. This motivates to push myself to achieve my desire of becoming a nurse, and helps me to sincerely want to make a difference in people's lives. I am a dedicated, passionate, and responsible person, and I am confident that I confront the challenges I have to face to reach my goal.

There are many experiences I have learned from working in the medical field, and I am curious to learn as much as I can because I know there is much more to learn. Volunteering in the medical field has clarified how essential responsibility and collaboration are to the healing process, and I am glad I have had the opportunity to do this. This experience confirms my desire to become a nurse of such a caring profession as nursing. It would be an honor to pursue my nursing education at ----------

[AllSmiles-Lou]

I really enjoyed reading your essay; although, I would suggest using more transitional words. Ultimately, the use of transitional words, help organize and clarify your essay. I hope this helps!

Especially transitional words which signal persuasion:

-Consequently, In conclusion, Meanwhile, Nevertheless, In summary, Undoubtedly, Accordingly…etc..