Personal Statement Essay Advice

[danotter]

Hi all! I'm new to this board, but I figured I would ask for help if anyone wants to offer it.

Below is my personal statement for Seattle University. Please offer comments or suggestions. I would really appreciate the feedback.

Cheers,

Dan

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12/11/2010

Personal Statement: Seattle University School of Nursing

On April 9th, 2010 I was caught in a snow avalanche while skiing and nearly died from the resulting trauma. I arrived at Harborview in the late stages of shock due to massive internal hemorrhaging. I spent the next twenty days as an inpatient, moving between the ICU, the floor, the ER and a skilled nursing facility. While I had already started down path to becoming a nurse before my accident, the time I spent as a patient is what solidified my desire.

Working as an EMT-B ski patroller and a wilderness medicine instructor, I was drawn to nursing because it combines my passion for being not only a care provider, but also an educator. In the summer of 2009, I began taking prerequisite classes and talked with many nurses to learn more about the profession and to make sure it was what I wanted to do. Through this process I gained a solid but superficial understanding of what it means to be a nurse.

It wasn't until I was a patient at Harborview that I gained a deeper understanding of what nursing really entails. Importantly, I learned what it feels like to receive care and I realized that what sets a great nurse apart is the details of their care. A great nurse takes the time to listen, to reassure, and to explain. And most of all, a great nurse shows genuine empathy. Empathy can take years to develop and it is hard to teach. In a way, I feel fortunate to have been a patient because it allowed me to develop empathy and I know that my experience as a patient will make me a better nurse.

As a patient, I also came to recognize to what degree a patient's experience is defined by the nurses caring for them. Of all the people who cared for me while I was in the hospital, my nurses are the faces that I will always remember. Now that I am healthy again, I have a desire to be someone who patients and patients' families remember kindly.

Recovering from my injuries has been the biggest challenge of my life. I never want to go through something like that again, but I also recognize that the lessons I learned from the experience are unique and irreplaceable. One of the greatest lessons I learned was the importance of humility and kindness. As an active and independent person, one of the most difficult challenges I faced was being confined to a bed, rendered completely physically reliant on others. It was only through the support of my family, friends and strangers that I was able to make a recovery. As I returned to physical health, I found myself driven to help others in any way possible. On a daily basis, I began trying to make small, positive differences in people's lives by maintaining an attitude of kindness. I spent countless hours organizing a free avalanche awareness and fundraiser event where I shared my story in an effort to educate others and raised money for Search and Rescue. I also began volunteering at Harborview as a Patient Liaison and in the Trauma Surgery ICU, where I now have the opportunity to help the nurses who took care of me in my time of need. My time spent volunteering has been particularly fulfilling to me, but also eye-opening and, at times, disheartening.

Every time I walk into the lobby at Harborview, I am saddened by the swarms of ill patients who clearly do not have the resources to pay for the healthcare they need. When I look at that scene, I don't just see a problem with out healthcare system, I see a deeper reaching problem with our society, a problem whose roots are injustice. It is overwhelming to think of all the injustice in the world and I have found myself paralyzed into non-action in the past. As a nurse, I know I will be able to make a concrete difference. It is like using a chisel to nock down a wall, but with enough chisels, it is possible. I need to start chiseling.

[KFoss]

i am having my linguist father-in-law read over my application essay, so i am not the best person to ask regarding the grammar and imagery. however, the one thing that sticks out to me is the contractions. don't use 'em :) but that is my two cents.

[kbucksn]

There are some minor grammatical errors but overall a wonderfully inspiring essay. Best of luck to you!!