Personal advice needed!

[bailee4]

Hi everyone - I've been on this site for a couple of weeks now - I posted a thread last week and received helpful advice and information. After being happy with the responses I received from my last post, I thought this would be the safest place that I could ask for help with my next question. Okay here goes, I will be starting nursing school Jan 2012, I cannot express how excited I am as I have been counting down the days until it starts. I have been wanting to be a nurse for as long as I can remember. I am 46 y/o, have been through alot of obstacles in my life but I feel as though I cannot give up on my dream and my goal to be a nurse. Ecstatic to say the least. I'm prepared for all the hard work, determination, perserverance, sleepless nights, studying til my eyes are crooked, family separation, messy house, hairy legs, fiance doing his best to cook me edible meals, non-existant socialization and everything else that comes with the hard work it takes to be a nurse. I'm prepared for all that because I want it so bad, however 5 years ago I lost my precious Dad. I thought my life was over but somehow I managed to go on because my Mom needed me. I took care of him during the last 3 years of his life, he went through so much. I took him to drs appnt's, spent countless hours on many different occasions in er's, dialysis 3x/wk, and too many other things to list. My question is - When I do become a nurse and am working with patients that remind me of my Dad or if they have the same illnesses as my Dad or especially seeing a dialysis patient - How do I stay focused on that patient and provide the best care that the patient deserves from me? I'm just so scared that my emotions are gonna take over. With all due respect, please don't respond with "Maybe this field isn't for you" as I wholeheartedly know this is for me, this is what I want to do and nothing or nobody is gonna hold me back. My main motivation aside from always wanting to help people in need and also to learn how to take care of my Mom who also has an extensive medical history is to make my Dad proud of me as I will be the only one out of his six children who is a HS grad and also the first to go to and succeed in college. Noone knows of my fear and I would really appreciate any advice from all the RN's out there as I know my situation is inevitable but I just want to be prepared when the time comes. Thank you so much :redbeathe

[RNfaster]

When you are working, you will start seeing things from another perspective and this will likely help you keep emotionally balanced. Also, as time passes, your emotions will likely become less raw. --Your personal experience and knowledge will likely help you provide some excellent and very caring service to your patients.

[tiroka03, LPN]

I am sorry for your loss. But, I do know from experience you will be a better nurse as a result. You will probably have a soft spot in your heart for people who remind you of you dad. I know anytime someone reminds me of someone I love, I can't help but think of their feelings. It makes you a better nurse.

[mazy]

I think that what will happen is that you will see that patient as someone who has a story that matters, and that you will do everything possible to give him the kind of care that you would want your father, or any loved one to get.

Your emotions will get the best of you at first, but you will learn how to use them in a way that is helpful to the patient and that will make you a wonderful nurse.

You have a long way to go until you get there, and you will learn many things, and you will change as a person, and be better and wiser than you imagined possible. It takes time, and time is your friend. Just have patience, be open to change, be willing to challenge and test everything that you believe about yourself, and you will get there.

I think you will be a good nurse.

Best of luck!

[bailee4]

When you are working, you will start seeing things from another perspective and this will likely help you keep emotionally balanced. Also, as time passes, your emotions will likely become less raw. --Your personal experience and knowledge will likely help you provide some excellent and very caring service to your patients.

Thank you as the tears roll down my face. I really appreciate that advice. My fear lessoned a bit already.

[bailee4]

I think that what will happen is that you will see that patient as someone who has a story that matters, and that you will do everything possible to give him the kind of care that you would want your father, or any loved one to get.

Your emotions will get the best of you at first, but you will learn how to use them in a way that is helpful to the patient and that will make you a wonderful nurse.

You have a long way to go until you get there, and you will learn many things, and you will change as a person, and be better and wiser than you imagined possible. It takes time, and time is your friend. Just have patience, be open to change, be willing to challenge and test everything that you believe about yourself, and you will get there.

I think you will be a good nurse.

Best of luck!

Thank you all, the tears continue to roll but Im feeling better already!

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Your wisdom & experience in caring for ur dad will be a blessing for others. You are stronger than u think. The fact that you are ABSOLUTELY determined to do nursing is a giveaway! You will have $h**ty days, want to cry in the pan room, & will probly cry in front of patients. Hey you're only human. Things you can do to help u with this is start a journal of your experiences. It helps sort out ur emotions & gets your brain around it. You can also do things that relax you - I like pilates/yoga, reading, cooking, etc. Incorporate those things into ur lifestyle or you WILL crack up, believe me; you need to take time for urself.

You must take the viewpoint that every pt u come into conctact with will not survive. That is a fact of life in nursing, but that doesn't mean to say you can't give them a good death, by caring for them in a professional manner, ie: ensuring pain under control, family are with them, they are comfy.

We can't save people sometimes, but we can give them a 'good' send off!

[SHGR, MSN, RN, CNS]

Totally agree with all of the above support and advice. I always tell myself that God lets bad stuff happen to me because it makes me a better nurse. I've had a lot of health setbacks, and it informs my practice. You sound like you will be a fantastic nurse. Hang in there!

[bailee4]

Thank you! Thats great advice - I never thought about incorporating "Me time" into my journey. You have all been great and helpful. I was a little afraid to see the responses I would get but now I'm so glad I opened up.:heartbeat

[Anisettes, BSN, RN]

I'm the last person who'd ever tell another that nursing isn't the field for them. I remember being told that several times early on - one of them was a nursing instructor on my admission board before I was ever even formally enrolled and she'd not known anything more than my name (and that was on a paper in front of her).

You have lots of life experience you will bring to your practice - among them how to deal with the end of life and all the baggage that comes with it. I agree with the other poster who said you must learn that a patients survival is out of your hands. We will all die, there is no escaping it.

But you are uniquely positioned to understand what the patient and his loved ones are going through when it happens. There is nothing wrong with being empathetic, it may hurt a lot the first time you identify - but try to distance yourself to a place where you can feel, but still function in your capacity as the professional.

Baby steps. Your empathy makes you human, you need to learn to distance yourself, but don't ever get so jaded you lose it. I think you'll do just fine. Best of luck in nursing school!

[bailee4]

I'm the last person who'd ever tell another that nursing isn't the field for them. I remember being told that several times early on - one of them was a nursing instructor on my admission board before I was ever even formally enrolled and she'd not known anything more than my name (and that was on a paper in front of her).

You have lots of life experience you will bring to your practice - among them how to deal with the end of life and all the baggage that comes with it. I agree with the other poster who said you must learn that a patients survival is out of your hands. We will all die, there is no escaping it.

But you are uniquely positioned to understand what the patient and his loved ones are going through when it happens. There is nothing wrong with being empathetic, it may hurt a lot the first time you identify - but try to distance yourself to a place where you can feel, but still function in your capacity as the professional.

Baby steps. Your empathy makes you human, you need to learn to distance yourself, but don't ever get so jaded you lose it. I think you'll do just fine. Best of luck in nursing school!

There is nothing wrong with being empathetic, it may hurt a lot the first time you identify - but try to distance yourself to a place where you can feel, but still function in your capacity as the professional. Thank you! Words of wisdom right there that I will always carry with me!:)

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

if you think this will be an issue, have a plan b (the one besides an) for support. the thing you want to watch out for, obviously, is being less able to give competent care for someone who reminds you of your father.

but the other thing to worry about is your personal and professional boundaries- it is so tempting for newer nurses especially to want to "share," to demonstrate their empathy with a particular patient or family situation by describing how this happened to them, too. this is wrong on several levels, but it's very seductive when your faculty tells you about therapeutic communication and communicating empathy. in real patient care, though, imho, it can never be about you, even for a minute. so you will need to have a solid place to be coming from before you are in this position.

if you haven't had some grief counseling, think about it. even one or two visits with a hospice social worker or spiritual adviser who's in charge of the grief counseling can be very enlightening, even if your family member was not in hospice care, even if you have no other relationship with hospice. they are a community resource.

good luck, and let us know how it's coming.