Overwhelmed, depressed and struggling new nurse

supernurse3177, ASN, BSN, LPN, RN · Jan 23

I know you posted this several months ago, but I'm just now seeing this.

How are you doing now? How is the anxiety and depression? If you feel like you could still use more support, I am an RN and New Nurse Coach. I'd love to connect and see if I can help support you in this transition.

Claireofgreen · Jan 25

I know this has been a while since you posted. I hope you are doing well at your job.
I will say that starting off as a new nurse in an area such as Neuro ICU is a daunting task. I'm an RN with over 30yrs experience - mostly in pediatrics and I'd be stressed taking a job doing what you're doing.
that said, there is no substitute for experience. You're not going to "know things" until you've actually done them repeatedly. There should be clear guidelines on when to call a code. Review the policy and procedures manual at your institution.
when I started out in nursing I found an agreeable colleague that a felt would be helpful and would say things like "can I pick your brain”…and ask her questions/run things by her.
I can't even imagine doing this in a country where I'm not using my native language and I bet any of your colleagues would find it darned near impossible to do their job in a non native speaking environment as well. So definitely cut yourself some slack and be patient with yourself.
School is not the real world and only the real world will teach you how to be a nurse and that may entail making some mistakes here and there which are learning experiences.
Every year went through this when they were new even if they have "amnesia" about it now. All new nurses are nervous and scared. (I'm sure new doctors are too!) Frankly, I'd be far more concerned about someone brand new being overly confident then someone who is - appropriately and rationally - nervous. Your nerves will calm down eventually and only time and experience will lead you there.
also keep in mind that there are many different areas of nursing and if you decide Neuro ICU isn't your thing that does NOT mean you failed as a nurse. It just might be that it's not a good fit and another area may be a better fit. We really don't know what we're gonna like til we try it. I've tried different nursing roles in the past only today "nope. Not my cup of tea" and went on to find a different position. I worked with an excellent nurse 20 yrs ago who absolutely HATED her first nursing job and vomited every day she had to go in. She's now been a seasoned and highly respected pediatric nurse.
The profession needs new nurses and I hope you are able to find a niche for yourself if Neuro ICU doesn't work out to your liking.

Justine B · Apr 6

Hi! Was just curious on how you are doing now? What did you decide to do? I'm currently going on week 11 in neuro ICU as a new grad at a level 1 trauma hospital so the sickest patients go here. I'm supposed to be off orientation in 4 weeks. Pretty much everything you mentioned, I am feeling the exact same way. I'm so depressed, I can't even enjoy my days off. I just messaged my manager this morning and never got a response so I'm even more anxious. My preceptors are saying I'm improving but not where I'm expected to be. The other new grad on my unit seems to be doing fine. I tried talking to him for support and just someone to relate to but it's not happening. I feel so alone and am starting to believe I just don't have it in me to be a good ICU nurse. I'm in constant fear because I just freeze up when the patient declines and the alarms are going off. I feel like the first 9 weeks I was focusing on my basic nursing skills, like doing the tasks and charting. They would only give me the easy patients, I felt fine when they are stable but they are "tasky" and I struggled to keep up. Only this week I started getting slightly harder patients and I was just so scared and uncomfortable. I leaned on my preceptors a lot and they did most the work when the patient was declining. These patients were still considered "easy" and I still struggled. I'm just scared because 4 weeks will fly by and I don't feel ready. It's because the patients are so critically ill and I'm afraid to make mistakes cus I fear it could cost a life. I don't take this job lightly and I want to do the right thing. IDK how to feel. Am I truly not cut out for ICU. Is this normal? Do I just need more hands on experience with critical patients? I honestly want to give up, I hate it so much. And the expectation to study neuro on my days off, is just too much.

Swittiepie · Apr 6

Justine B said:

Hi! Was just curious on how you are doing now? What did you decide to do? I'm currently going on week 11 in neuro ICU as a new grad at a level 1 trauma hospital so the sickest patients go here. I'm supposed to be off orientation in 4 weeks. Pretty much everything you mentioned, I am feeling the exact same way. I'm so depressed, I can't even enjoy my days off. I just messaged my manager this morning and never got a response so I'm even more anxious. My preceptors are saying I'm improving but not where I'm expected to be. The other new grad on my unit seems to be doing fine. I tried talking to him for support and just someone to relate to but it's not happening. I feel so alone and am starting to believe I just don't have it in me to be a good ICU nurse. I'm in constant fear because I just freeze up when the patient declines and the alarms are going off. I feel like the first 9 weeks I was focusing on my basic nursing skills, like doing the tasks and charting. They would only give me the easy patients, I felt fine when they are stable but they are "tasky" and I struggled to keep up. Only this week I started getting slightly harder patients and I was just so scared and uncomfortable. I leaned on my preceptors a lot and they did most the work when the patient was declining. These patients were still considered "easy" and I still struggled. I'm just scared because 4 weeks will fly by and I don't feel ready. It's because the patients are so critically ill and I'm afraid to make mistakes cus I fear it could cost a life. I don't take this job lightly and I want to do the right thing. IDK how to feel. Am I truly not cut out for ICU. Is this normal? Do I just need more hands on experience with critical patients? I honestly want to give up, I hate it so much. And the expectation to study neuro on my days off, is just too much.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I finished orientation and I got confident with my assessment and how to handle stress. I ended up getting prescribed trazodone for sleep😂. Worked in the neuro ICU, up until Feb this year, and moved to the pediatric ICU. I will say It's so much better. I still have the fear of making mistake or not knowing what to do in time of emergency, but the truth is we can never be fully prepared for what's to come. You'll make mistake that's certain, and I've grown to learn it's normal (as long as it's not fatal). You'll learn from it. I had a patient who I mistakenly checked the lab value of 6pm for instead of 12am. I ended up giving an additional dose of the electrolyte supplement. He had a 3 sec brief ekg change and was fine after. I caught my mistake, I remember crying and the nurse practioner talking down to me like I was a complete idiot. Now I know to always time mark my labs when I check orders at the beginning of the shift. Neuro is a lot of to know. Patients with the same type of stroke don't have the same time of outcome. I found it out understand neuro defects. I am still struggling to understand cardiac defect. It's a process. It gets better. Someone told me you don't start feeling capable as a nurse until your 1 year mark. If at the end of orientation you don't feel comfortable, try something else maybe neuro stepdown where it's slower paced, or a different ICU. The reason I left the Neuro ICU was because the unit had a lot of bullies that just weren't willing to help, they talk down on you, and forget they all started somewhere. I think it's important to find somewhere you're comfortable in, not just the patient but also your co-workers. They will make or break you. Be gentle on yourself, you're still a baby nurse and you'll get to that level of confidence soon!

supernurse3177, ASN, BSN, LPN, RN · Apr 6

@Justine B Man, I can feel exactly what you're talking about. The constant anxiety, the fear, not feeling ready. It's enough to make you go crazy.

I gave it 6 months and decided it just wasn't for me. I was so anxious all the time it was terrible.

However, that 6 months of experience opened up so many doors for me in my career. I was able to get a job in a PACU position which I couldn't have had without my ICU experience and it's a great job.

it sounds like you could use some support right now. I actually coach and mentor new nurses now too. I'd be happy to talk with you this week and give you a safe space to process what you're going through. Feel free to message me on facebook or insta @AbbyKayPayne or email me at [email protected]. I wish I'd had someone to talk to when I was in your shoes, so please don't hesitate to message me !

Justine B · Apr 7

Swittiepie said:

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I finished orientation and I got confident with my assessment and how to handle stress. I ended up getting prescribed trazodone for sleep😂. Worked in the neuro ICU, up until Feb this year, and moved to the pediatric ICU. I will say It's so much better. I still have the fear of making mistake or not knowing what to do in time of emergency, but the truth is we can never be fully prepared for what's to come. You'll make mistake that's certain, and I've grown to learn it's normal (as long as it's not fatal). You'll learn from it. I had a patient who I mistakenly checked the lab value of 6pm for instead of 12am. I ended up giving an additional dose of the electrolyte supplement. He had a 3 sec brief ekg change and was fine after. I caught my mistake, I remember crying and the nurse practioner talking down to me like I was a complete idiot. Now I know to always time mark my labs when I check orders at the beginning of the shift. Neuro is a lot of to know. Patients with the same type of stroke don't have the same time of outcome. I found it out understand neuro defects. I am still struggling to understand cardiac defect. It's a process. It gets better. Someone told me you don't start feeling capable as a nurse until your 1 year mark. If at the end of orientation you don't feel comfortable, try something else maybe neuro stepdown where it's slower paced, or a different ICU. The reason I left the Neuro ICU was because the unit had a lot of bullies that just weren't willing to help, they talk down on you, and forget they all started somewhere. I think it's important to find somewhere you're comfortable in, not just the patient but also your co-workers. They will make or break you. Be gentle on yourself, you're still a baby nurse and you'll get to that level of confidence soon!

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It gives me hope! I have a meeting with my managers on Monday. The great thing about the unit I'm on, is that there isn't drama (or what I know of). I never had a doctor or NP be mean to me (at least not yet). They know I'm a new grad and have been so patient with explaining things to me. Gosh, even giving report in the beginning was awful. I'm still nervous but the providers were always kind. I know that's hard to come by. I also hate how I'm always running around and struggling to keep up. I can barely sit down, take a break or drink water. Does that get better over time? Cus I think that plays a huge role in my stress and exhaustion. I was pretty set on transferring to a "short-stay" medsurg unit that's pretty chill with not a lot of total-care patients. I just want a job where I'm not killing myself every shift. But I'm hesitant because I'm losing out on the opportunity to learn amazing skills in the ICU. But I also hate it and can't take the pressure. Ugh it's so much to think about. 😞

Justine B · Apr 7

supernurse3177 said:

@Justine B Man, I can feel exactly what you're talking about. The constant anxiety, the fear, not feeling ready. It's enough to make you go crazy.

I gave it 6 months and decided it just wasn't for me. I was so anxious all the time it was terrible.

However, that 6 months of experience opened up so many doors for me in my career. I was able to get a job in a PACU position which I couldn't have had without my ICU experience and it's a great job.

it sounds like you could use some support right now. I actually coach and mentor new nurses now too. I'd be happy to talk with you this week and give you a safe space to process what you're going through. Feel free to message me on facebook or insta @AbbyKayPayne or email me at [email protected]. I wish I'd had someone to talk to when I was in your shoes, so please don't hesitate to message me !

Thanks so much for reaching out! And I'm happy to know I can reach out to you for help 🙂 will definitely keep that in mind!

Part of me wants to stay (if they can extend my orientation) to gain the experience and have it on my resume. But a bigger part of me can't take the fear, anxiety and stress any longer. And the extra learning I'm encouraged to do on my days off. I'm so ready to transfer to an easier Medsurg floor and take it easy on myself. And the pay is the same. I'm just torn. Not sure what to do.

supernurse3177, ASN, BSN, LPN, RN · Apr 7

Justine B said:

Thanks so much for reaching out! And I'm happy to know I can reach out to you for help 🙂 will definitely keep that in mind!

Part of me wants to stay (if they can extend my orientation) to gain the experience and have it on my resume. But a bigger part of me can't take the fear, anxiety and stress any longer. And the extra learning I'm encouraged to do on my days off. I'm so ready to transfer to an easier Medsurg floor and take it easy on myself. And the pay is the same. I'm just torn. Not sure what to do.

From my side of the screen, it sounds like you know what you want to do.

No specialty is better or cooler or ____er than another. It's all about finding a good fit for your personality, unique gifting and financial needs.

If this job isn't it, and you're that miserable, leaving for something lower stress is a beautiful act of self love and respect. Your life is precious and you deserve to be happy! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Follow your heart!