One small step for me, one giant leap for my self confidence

Published Mar 17, 2009

9 Posts

Specializes in none.

hi all.

the week before last was a difficult one, if you recall. This week was no different in the challenges I faced culminating in a truly "one for the books" weekend involving a few "worst case scenario" situations. I really felt challenged and under seige. It was very intense, this feeling. Like a 8 or 9 on a 1-10 pain scale. If it had a smell, it would be the brim and fire stone old time train engineers must have smelled as their stokers stoke the firey furnace that is the source of the engine's power. the color would be a bright gold, like the sun at high noon on a clear day. In nature it would have been as though I took flight on the wings of eagles. Truly, for the first time in my life, I was really proud of my self and able to declare that aloud, to myself, my family and my coworkers.

My boss told me one time, in an attempt to keep my humble (I need that sometimes, but that is another post in itself), that passing boards at the base of it all, is just passing a test. And, of course, that is true. For me, in my heart, I was afraid i did not fit, and that I would not measure up to the role of hospice nurse. I was mainly afraid that even though I graduated, passed boards and was fortunate enought to find a job, I would cut muster. The critical thinking and staying calm under pressure parts were of most concern to me. Would I be able to be cool and collected and be able to problem solve.

I know now the answer is yes. I have passed my own test and met my fears with courage and dignity. Today, I am a hospice nurse and I know where I belong.

Thank you for all of your support, and prayers.

Jamie