One month anniversary of my termination

[WorriedNurse25]

It has been one month since my termination. Describing what the emotions and pain I have gone through is something I want to share with you. I want to reach out to someone to let them know it is possible to survive.

I've had multiple people tell me that this is just a speed bump. That I am overreacting. That this too shall pass. While I understand that it really is hard to look past that with the daily struggle I go through.

I find it sad that so many are so aloof to my situation. I often wonder: have they ever started a career to have it almost instantly stopped by something that was partially out of your control?

There is a major disconnect in our internet society days. You can type literally anything you desire to the person in question because you can't see them. You can't see how much they've lost sleep. How they struggle every day with even thinking about going outside the house for interviews and prepping because every cost will count against your slowly dwindling bank account.

Not that I haven't been supported. But when you're in a state of major change there is something about everything that really wears you down.

Every email or phone call I have gotten back from the over 20-35 places I have applied to endlessly during these weeks. Every I'm sorry to say…' or unfortunately…” I've even been desperate enough to apply to cashier jobs for part time jobs and each time it has failed.

Not having enough experience…having too much experience…these are all things that you have to balance perfectly in this job market.

And to explain how I was let go…I've tried a variation of things. I've come very close to being hired only to be shot down my lack of experience and unwillingness to take less than two weeks of orientation due to the fear that I might not understand something later down the line. It hurts even more when you go for weeks without hearing anything regarding an interview or application.

Every day has been difficult. It has been difficult to wake up in the morning. It has been difficult to ask my fiancé for financial assistance. It has been difficult knowing I have let myself down, my family down, my friends down. It has been difficult trying and struggling to keep up my skills and knowledge.

I have a prn job now, but it hardly can count for what I had before. I am lucky to work twice a week anymore. Every time I go to work for them I have this thought: This is my life until I can find something better.”

And it really hurts.

But I am surviving. Every spark of hope I can get is something to keep me going. Knowing that the sun will shine, that my car will still work, that I have family that I can go to at any time (even if we don't talk much), knowing that I have a place to live with someone who loves me far too much for my own good…these are all things that really help. Medication for my mood has also been something that's really been a big difference too.

I don't know when I will be hired full time again as a nurse and as a professional. I am scared for when that happens. I never want to go through this struggle again.

And I sincerely hope nobody has to go through this.

If you have/are going through this: keep going. We'll make it one day.