Nursing school admissions essay help!

[alissa13g]

The topic is "Why have you chosen a career in the healthcare industry?". It needs to be 750 words or less. I haven't had to do an admissions essay before so I'm looking for some advice before I send my application in, thanks!

As a high school senior, I had no idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. All I knew was that I wanted to help people. My mother suggested me to go to USC the Business College, as she had gone herself and suggested administration. Once I started my journey to my degree in Medical Administration I immediately fell in love, I knew healthcare is where I was meant to be. Since graduating, I had worked in private practices. I became an office manager for a psychiatry office and knew this was where I belonged. Every day was a new adventure and a new learning experience. I got to meet a variety of different people and involved in various situations, some good and some bad. I learned so much about the medical field over the years. While working in psychiatry, I also helped out in our primary care department and assisted in opening a pediatric department. I loved my job and my patients appreciated me. In October of 2014 our psychiatry office closed its doors for good and it absolutely broke my heart. My patients cried as they said their goodbyes to us for the last time and I knew that I wanted to do more in the healthcare field.

In September 2014, I started my journey becoming a Certified Medical Assistant. I continued to work full-time, be a mother to a beautiful 1 year old daughter and went to school at night in order to fulfill my dream. I passed my final with 108% and went on to get my national certifications as a certified clinical medical assistant and certified medical administrative assistant. My hard work and determination paid off as I took a new job in a dermatology practice as a CMA. My fellow medical assistant had just completed her nursing program and passed her boards to become an RN. She has now been accepted and currently in school to be a nurse practitioner. She demonstrates and teaches me new things on a daily basis and has really pushed for me to continue my dream to become a nurse.

My passion has always been to help people, as a nurse I will continue to do that on a daily basis. I want to continue my education as far as I can go within the medical field. I have watched people suffer and overcome disease and illness and fight through mental health issues but I have also seen patients lose their battles or lose a loved one. It takes a strong willed, determined, caring and accepting person to be in this field and that is exactly who I am. I want to be able to help my current and future patients, as well as everyday people, to the best of my ability and further my knowledge and skills to my fullest potential. I have a sincere appreciation for nurses and for anyone in the healthcare field and would be honored with have the title and work as an RN.

[LJR89]

Besides a couple grammatical errors that would be easy to fix, a problem I see with this is that you make nursing seem like a consolation prize almost. You said multiple times that you're administration job was where you belonged, but then your "dream" was CMA, after that your "dream" was nursing. It finished pretty strong but if you didn't tell me what the prompt was I would be unsure what you were trying to tell me.

I think you have a an excellent start! But I think they want to know more what internally motivates you to not just healthcare but to nursing. Most of your examples were external motivation like the office closed, then your coworker pushed you. And I do think your path is important but I liked the last paragraph the most because you talked about your interests and passions and how they are important to a career in nursing. The question asks why you chose healthcare and that last paragraph is where you actually start answering that question :)