Thirty basic rules of life

  1. thirty basic rules of life:
    1. before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. that way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and

    2. a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    3. if you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried.

    4. my idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

    5. not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

    6. it is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

    7. i have found at my age going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

    8. for every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

    9. age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

    10. a closed mouth gathers no feet.

    11. if you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

    12. always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

    13. bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

    14. a conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

    15. eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

    16. men are from earth. women are from earth. deal with it.

    17. no husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

    18. a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

    19. middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of waist change places.

    20. opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

    21. junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

    22. there is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

    23. artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

    24. going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

    25. experience is a wonderful thing. it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

    26. by the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

    27. thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

    28. someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

    29. i believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when i'm in the bathroom.

    30. blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
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  3. by   SICU Queen

    How cute! Thanks for the laugh.
  4. by   CindyCCRN
    Sandra, Thanks! It's great!

    Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
    ...... We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
    How about achieving 103%?

    .... Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

    What makes life 100%?

    IF - A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y + Z

    IS - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 + 26

    THEN: H A R D W O R K
    8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

    AND: K N O W L E D G E
    11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

    BUT: A T T I T U D E
    1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

    AND: B U L L S H I T
    2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

    ...So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close,
    attitude will get you there, but ******** will put you over the top...
  5. by   Momma_Penguin
    Thanks for made me smile today, on a cold,dreary, wet western Pa day!!! Laura LPN