Tech Support for Wife 1.0

[Andy S., BSN, RN]

Dear Tech Support,

I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began

unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and

launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other

system activity Applications such as Pokernight 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but uninstall does

not work on this program. Can you help me, please?

Thanks,

Fred

Dear Fred:

This is a very common problem that men complain about, but it is

mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a

"UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run

everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and

still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0, because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems

that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of

action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any

case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key, because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support