Have You Got What It Takes To Join The Public Service?

  1. HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO JOIN THE PUBLIC SERVICE?

    Welcome to this year's public service exam.

    I see that all of you have been able to find yourself a seat and desk
    so obviously you've got what it takes to be public servants.

    Should you pass this exam and become a member of the public service,
    you will enjoy not only the esteem and envy of all your friends but
    also a unique package of fringe benefits, including:
    * An early retirement scheme which allows you to retire while still
    turning up for work
    * flexitime which enables you to decide when you don't want to work at
    work and when you don't want to work away from work
    * free use of government stationery (this has been facilitated by the
    introduction of eight-items-or-less lanes as you leave the building.

    I must at this stage warn all examinees that anyone found cheating or
    copying from their neighbour's paper will be automatically assigned to
    Parliament - regardless of whether they fail the intelligence test ...
    but..... ESPECIALLY if they fail the intelligence test..

    MATHEMATICS:

    Please answer the following question in the spaces provided on your
    answer sheet.

    If you went to lunch at 12 noon and came back to work at 2:30pm how long
    have you had for lunch?
    The answer of course is half an hour.

    For those who failed the math test, you may still be eligible to become
    Mr Howard's tax policy adviser.

    MULTIPLE CHOICE:

    1. If you are about to take your lunch break and a female member of the
    general public comes to the counter with an enquiry, you should address
    her by saying:

    a) Can I help you, madam?
    b) Can I help you, miss?
    c) What can I do you for, mate?
    d) How's tricks, doll-face?

    The correct answer is 'none of the above'. This is a trick question. If
    you are about to take your lunch break, you shouldn't talk to her at
    all.

    2. A member of the general public calls with a complaint and you realize
    that the file on this matter has been lost. You should say:

    a) We are looking into the matter
    b) Can I get back to you on this one?
    c) The matter has been referred to another committee
    d) I haven't had a chance to look into it yet.

    The correct answer is none of the above. You should tell them they have
    the wrong telephone extension.

    SPELLING:

    Spell the following words

    a) Tea
    b) Sickie
    c) Lunchbreak
    d) Go-slow

    This is the end of the examination. Please sign your exam paper
    illegibly and pass it to those collecting them, while denying that you
    have ever seen or heard anything about it.

    GUIDE TO PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS:

    GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS = Able to ********
    GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS = Spends a lot of time on the phone
    AVERAGE EMPLOYEE = Not too bright
    EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED = Made no major blunders yet
    WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY = Too ugly to get a date
    ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Drinks a lot
    FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY = Spouse drinks too
    INDEPENDENT WORKER = Nobody knows what he/she does
    QUICK THINKING = Offers plausible excuses
    CAREFUL THINKER = Won't make a decision
    AGGRESSIVE = Obnoxious
    USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS = Gets someone else to do it
    EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL = Speaks English
    METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL = A nit picker
    HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES = Is tall or has a loud voice
    EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT = Lucky
    KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR = Knows a lot of dirty jokes
    CAREER MINDED = Back Stabber
    LOYAL = Can't get a job anywhere else
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    About Farkinott

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    Specialty: 22 year(s) of experience in renal, haemo and peritoneal,medical,aged


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