I'm having a rough semester. I teach in an lpn program as an adjunct (clinical only). Until now, I have been paired up with a wonderful, experienced full time instructor at my sites. I have been doing this for 31/2 years. Now that she is gone (went to RN program) I am having some problems. The biggest one is my relationship with my clinical site. For years they have changed DON's (LTC site) and so we usually have to talk to the RNAC about when we will be coming and when, give the syllabus to etc. This works well because she is also a part time instructor for the RN program (both through same school). We usually go out to the site the week before and get info and drop off the syllabus,etc. I made a major error by only talking to the RNAC and not going out the week before, as I was having babysitting problems and couldn't get the extra time to go out (we do this on our own time). The site has yet another new DON and she was furious that she didn't know what was going on. She said there were students "unattended" (they were lost, big deal) and that she was in the dark. The RNAC did tell her we were coming, but she forgot about it. The kicker is this. 5 years ago I did some agency work there. I made some sort of minor med error, and as often happens with agency work, the facility did not want me back. I had forgotten all about this bad and regretful experience because no one at the facility ever mentioned it. After all, I am here as an instructor, not a supervisor now. Well, this new DON told me boss about this amongst all her venting. Now my reputation is tarnished, and though we hashed all this out and it seems to be going smoother, I feel as though I damaged the relationship with the school. I find that without the full timer, it is soley up to me to facilitate relations with the site. I failed miserably and I have had a couple other situations, while pretty minor, my confidence is low. I have always held myself to a very high standard and any mistake would mortify me as I take teaching very serious. Now here we are, I had the chance to prove I could do well without the full timer with me and I blew it. I am going to be having another baby in the summer and I wonder if I just shouldn't take a job doing doubles on weekends and having more time with my kids anyway. I feel as if I can't do anything right. I know I am hard on myself, but I see other dynamic instructors and I don't have what they do. I used to be so passionate about teaching and now I am not. I don't know how to get that back. I know this is alot, but any feedback would be great. Also I just did a guest lecture and I was so nervous that I could barely get through the first 10 minutes. I bet it was painful to watch. After that I did ok, but I wanted to practice and consider if I want to become a full time lecturer. Not after that.
Nov 6, '06
not everyone is meant to teach. i guess you really have to ask yourself if this is what you really want to do. my first lecture, i felt, went very badly... it wasn't up to my highest standard, partially because i was hired sort of at the last minute and didn't have the time i would have like to have for planning.... however, the student feedback was such that i felt it actually went better than i thought from their perspective. my guage is my students, how they learn, how well they are inspired, and how they grow throughout their clinical rotation. just a thought, and i'm sorry nobody else replied to your slightly discomforting post. i think your questioning of yourself might have made it difficult to respond to, as this is something we all do... but many are not comfortable with. whatever you decide to do i hope it brings you happiness and fulfillment!
Nov 7, '06
I have felt this low at work before but it does pass. I think it may be related to new situation which has knocked you down, and also family situation at the same time. I have worked agency too. One thing I notice is some places you are considered a terrific nurse and other places question your basic ethics. I have gotten over being insulted (written up for visiting medscape). You may not be able to find the strength to continue now, but if you have been doing this for three years you have experience already and I am SURE you would be a great instructor if you want to. All some of my instructers did during clinicals was talk at the nurses station! Also, now that my family is grown I can't believe how much easier everything is. Two of my sons are in nursing school. I guess I influenced them more than I thought! Don't worry! Whatever you decide this time, there are plenty more opportunities to come.