Nurse with PTSD and Eating Disorder

Published Feb 19, 2016

72 Posts

Specializes in Forensic Psychiatry.

Hello All,

I've posted before on this forum. I have a hx of Bipolar Disorder II well managed with meds. I am a forensic psych RN and work in a state mental health facility for adult males with legal issues and mental illness, just to summarize things. Over the last year or so, my eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia) have become an issue and I've had a severe relapse. I was also diagnosed with epilepsy and had a seizure at work. Let's just say they were NOT happy with that as I was told that I, "utilized too many hospital resources and was a severe inconvenience." I was also disciplined after a no call no show when I had a seizure outside my car on my way to work.

Anyway, I was on FMLA and medical leave for about 6 months. Now here comes the complicated part, I was in a, "relationship," with a co-worker since May of last year. Long story short, we were friends I went over to his house after being exhausted after two double shifts in a row, I was drugged, taken advantage of and then manipulated and abused for about 6 months until December when he was charged with several sexual crimes including incest with a minor, his 16 year old cousin. I can barely write this as it still disgusts me. I then finally felt like I had a way out and was strong enough to get away. I haven't reported it to the police, a decision that many do not agree with but it is a highly publicized case due to our jobs and I do not want my name everywhere and I am still ashamed that I let it go on for so long. I was weak. I went to therapy and counseling and had to keep pushing back my return date due to constant relapses. I overheard my counselor say to another staff member that it is the worst case of abuse she has ever seen. Why didn't I know better? I see this everyday! I had to disclose what happened at least a little,they don't know details and I am also in contact with the DA and am helping out anonymously with his case so I do feel better. I've made progress but I have a lot to deal with.

I went back this week. I feel so alone and lost. I feel inadequate and I am being treated like a leper. I was read the riot act by management and told that I should not discuss anything about my medical issues or my legal issues. They basically threatened me that they would terminate me if I said anything to police or to co-workers which I wouldn't but they made me feel like it's my fault. I was so ashamed and embarrassed after that meeting and I felt like the scum of the Earth.

I expected awkwardness from my co-workers they are not oblivious to the eating disorder or the seizures but should not know anything about the abuse although the abuser knows a lot of personal information about me and may have embarrassing evidence that can go around. I also have to work with his roommate who won't give me the time of day and my safety may be in jeopardy if this continues. I guess I am just looking for support. Has anyone been in this situation. Am I crazy? I don't want him to control me which is why I don't want to look for another position and I feel if I transferred he would win. I love my job and I don't want to uproot my life but sometimes I feel like I don't have a choice right now... Sorry this is so long winded it's so complicated I don't know how I got myself into this mess, I should've been stronger...