new RN burnt out!

[newRNgrad19]

I am a recent RN graduate. Graduated May 2019. Once I graduated nursing school, I felt like the life was sucked out of me. I went to a 2 year program (got my ASN), and I when I finally reached the finish line, I wanted NOTHING to do with nursing. I had worked tirelessly throughout the program, sacrificing a lot of things (which all of us can I'm sure, relate to), and when it was finally done - I lost all motivation. I knew I still had NCLEX to deal with, so I ended up taking it in July. I passed, and began job hunting because it was the next step in the process. I accepted a job offer at a LTC/SNF that wanted to pay me extremely well. So I thought why not? I took the position. I've been working there 3 months now, and I am completely miserable. The staff:patient ratio is insane (I care for 25-30 patients on my own), the med pass/treatments are stressful, I only work with 2 CNA's, so a lot of their responsibilities are also mine (and I'm not saying it's "below" me as an RN to do that, but I have A LOT of responsibilities of my own, so constantly having to take residents to the bathroom gets a little frustrating when you finally have a minute to sit down and begin charting). I primarily took the job for the $, but I'm burnt out. I hate the hours (I work 3-11pm), and resent the fact that my training was barely adequate for a new nurse. I feel like I'm all alone to figure it out on my own. No support, and barely any help. I had to insert my first Foley catheter the other day and of course, I was scared!, and the RN supervisor I was working with acted as if she was bothered that I ask she come in and observe to make sure I did it right. I do not want to be in an environment like that.

I know it's normal for new nurses to feel this way, especially the first couple of years, but I am extremely discouraged and I feel like this is just not for me. I enjoy helping people, making a difference, which is a big part of the reason why I got into nursing, but the position that I'm in now, is making me SO insensitive and desensitized and I think that right there should be a reason I leave the job. Another reason why I was interested in nursing is because it's so diverse and broad in what we can do in our careers. I know that most people will say you need "med surg bedside experience" before you can take any office/management position, but I did receive an offer from a multispecialty physician practice hiring RNs. The pay obviously doesn't come close to what I am currently making, but for an "office" job with normal 9-5 hours, no weekends/holidays, the pay is decent. Decent enough that it's the same rate that some of my other RN grad friends are making at subacute facilities being a bedside nurse. I have NOTHING against bedside nursing, but I can't see myself doing it for long, or if at all. I have applied for hospital positions because everyone says its the "right way to go", but if I'm this burnt out from my current job at LTC/SNF, then how can it possibly be ANY better in the hospital? I also struggle with anxiety and depression, so I'm not sure if it's fear that's holding me back. The ONLY thing that appealed to me about working in the hospital was the 3 12's. I think my dilemma is not knowing my "niche", but at the same time, I don't want to make any rash decisions and be so quick to take the office job, and screw myself for any potential offers in the future because I don't have enough "bedside" experience. I've been interested and looking into case management, nursing research jobs, MDS, and teaching, but those seem to require bedside experience in some capacity.

If I do plan to leave my current full time job, I am looking to speak with my manager about staying on per diem and working twice a month, so I can keep up with bedside nursing, and be able to put it on my resume. I also do plan on going back to school for my BSN, but I don't want to go back until I have my job settled out. I don't think I can work my current job AND go back to school at the same time. In my area, a lot of positions require BSN, so maybe that will open more opportunity for me once I get my BSN?

Any thoughts/opinions?