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New grad...worried and scared!


Hi everyone! I wasn't exactly sure where to post this but I just graduated with my BSN in april! I would love to start off with an internship to help me transition into the position of a full-time RN. In order to apply, I have to pass the NCLEX first, so I have started doing some studying. I have only had one interview with a different hospital as a back-up option for a residency program, but found out a couple of weeks ago that the position had been filled. I am afraid that I will not get a job because I am naturally a shy person and may not come across as confident in interviews, no matter how hard I try. I am also very afraid that I am not cut out for hospital nursing, but I realize that this is the gateway to other options such as clinics, offices, nursing homes, or homecare nursing. I originally started out wanting to be a NICU nurse, but I felt that I had to let go of this dream since I get easily overwhelmed and don't feel that I am fast with thinking on my feet or critical thinking, and I realize that these are necessary. I did my practicum on a mother-baby unit, and I loved it. I feel now that this is the area that I would want to go into, but I still have many doubts. For one thing, I never feel confident in my abilities. Even when someone tells me that I have done well with something, all that I can focus on are the things I have done wrong. I continually beat myself up over mistakes I have made in the past. I have never made a mistake so terrible that I harmed someone, but I feel guilty, even after graduating, over every thing I have done wrong and every patient who I feel somehow ended up receiving worse care because I was assigned to them. I still feel terrible over every medication that I gave late or every error I made in charting. I know that I am not perfect and that we all make mistakes, but I honestly can't help but feel that I will be a bad nurse and that this makes me a bad person because I made these mistakes. Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and do things over again. I just don't know what to do...I don't want to give up, but I could never forgive myself if I put someone in harm's way. How will I survive a year of med-surg, even if I start out in a med-surg internship? Are there any other options for me that wouldn't require starting out in a hospital? I felt that starting out in the internship would be better for me. Am I too shy, too quiet, and not strong enough or smart enough or a good-enough person to do this? Should I let go of wanting to be a nurse altogether? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. And for those of you who are already nurses, the world is a better place for having you in it :heartbeat! Thank you in advance for any advice you can give me!