New grad/new job jitters

[texasnurse_BSN]

Hi all!

I am a new nurse, graduated in May of this year and started my job in June, and I am struggling with wondering if floor nursing is for me. I accepted a new grad position in the step-down ICU, and while I've heard all the warnings of not going into ICU right out of nursing school, I accepted the position anyway. I started in June, and am expected to be off of orientation and 'on my own' starting this month. I've already gone to my supervisor once to extend orientation with a preceptor because I just didn't feel ready and was told that if I still didn't feel ready after that extension to let her know. I struggle daily with confidence, and while my preceptor's and other coworkers constantly tell me how well I'm doing; I still can't find that confidence. Every question they throw at me; I can answer it (90% of the time) and if I don't know, I ASK questions! I loved studying critical care in school, but when it comes to being responsible for that care...it puts me in GI distress every day I'm at work!! I cry almost every night before work, and depending on how the day is going, AT work in front of my preceptor's because I am so stressed out. Embarrassing to say the least. My preceptor's tell me all the time, "find your confidence!" but I just don't have any. I focus too much on my weaknesses sometimes, and I'm aware of that. Like simple things, such as IV starts, I'm very weak at that skill simply because we didn't get much practice in school.

I know that it makes me a 'safe' nurse because I am so nervous about being solely responsible for another human life, but I just can't shake this self-doubt. I'm so afraid that the patient's status is going to change, and I am going to miss something. It seems anytime there's a "bump" in the road with a patient, I panic, and I can't seem to get over that.

I'm to the point of considering home health positions because I don't think I'm meant for bedside nursing. However, during nursing school I completed my preceptorship in L&D, and LOVED every second of it. Women's health is my passion, and I hope to go onto NP school for OB. I want so badly to be in women's health, but I'm doubting myself now at being a good bedside nurse because of how I'm feeling so far. I don't know if it would make a difference if I were in the area I wanted to be in or not. And it is so hard to get into that area with no experience.

Just needing some insight into whether I should stick it out, and complete a full 6 months or look into something else...

Signed,

A very stressed out new grad. :|

[pmabraham, BSN, RN]

It is typically in one's best interest to work at least six months to a year in your first position. Stick it out.