So I want to begin to say that I just started as a new graduate nurse on a floor I have been working on for the past year. I started as a nurse extern on a Geriatric Medical/Surgical floor. After the externship I knew what floor I wanted to switch to, but my manager transferred me to a PCA on her floor. Being per diem and balancing work and school, I decided to suck it up and continue working so that I would have something on my resume. I was unhappy on my floor but I told myself I wanted to transfer to another floor once I became an RN. During my last semester, my manager called me and told me that she was holding the position for me and that I shouldn't be like the other girl Emily who left when she expected so much from her. At that moment I was not thinking. I wanted to leave, but I am a people pleaser and I was also afraid that if I said no and that I was going to be jobless so I said yes. I started orientation beginning of August and have only been an RN on the floor for 2 weeks under my nurse preceptor. This is my nurse preceptor's first time precepting and shes 1 year out of school. So she gets stressed out and takes her stress on me. Sometimes she doesn't have time to even teach me anything. I am a New Graduate, therefore I do NOT know skills.. I am learning. I have been recently unhappy on the floor because the nurse patient ratio is unsafe (1:7/8), my preceptor is two faced and my manager isn't accommodating and professional. I thought my preceptor would be good for me at first since we are around the same age, but I found out the truth. Everyday at work, she tells me how I am doing an amazing job and how I have been doing better than she did when she was on orientation. However, Today... my manager pulls me in and asks me how orientation is so far. I tell her it is going good and she told me "well I do not think you are doing good. you have a lot of weaknesses" ..because my preceptor told her that I am not a good nurse and that I do not know anything, and that I am forgetful and all of the place.. first of all of I AM A NEW GRAD IN MY SECOND WEEK. she was telling me how my preceptor has to constantly remind me how to do certain tasks and that I should be doing the 3 patients on my own without my preceptor's help. THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF AN ORIENTATION?? This mind boggles me because 1. my preceptor tells me one thing but goes to my manager and tells her another and 2. my manager expect me to be an expert my 2nd week in?! and she told me I am either too focused on a task and am not aware of my surroundings OR I am aware of my surroundings and not focused on a task. I am LEARNING nursing skills, obviously I am going to be focusing on that task. She also told me that she feels as if I do not want to be there (which is true). I did not tell her I didn't, which I should've, but I told her that the nurse patient ratio is unsafe and that people have been leaving because of being burnt out with the types of patients and the patient load. She even said that when she talks to me that my head is all over the place and that I even "fainted" on the first day of my externship (I never fainted. I felt light headed and the drs found a arrhythmia that I had that went undetected for years. She knows that.)Another thing is, my floor has an unsafe nurse/patient ratio.. 1 to 7/8 patients. The geriatric patients need constant maintenance because one person may be trying to climb out of bed, while another one is screaming, and other one is trying to pull out IVs. There is a high turnover rate because of this, yet my manager is in denial that this is why. My unit is extremely stressful and I feel stuck. My manager is willing to put me on nights, but after threatening me and pretty much telling me I am an incompetent nurse, I do not want to be there anymore. I went straight to HR to tell them everything and they told me that there is a policy that I cannot switch until after one year, UNLESS i talk to my manager's supervisor. They recommended me to talk to him. this supervisor has been wanting to fire my manger because of the high turnover rate on my floor. I am actively searching for other jobs in other hospitals too mean while. Sorry for the long post, but this whole thing was a complete shock. It is making me want to give up my nursing career for good because I feel like I am not a good nurse. do I have a right to feel this way??